Voodoo Lounge v.12.1: I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Queen is Dead. Long Live the Queen!

I've moved, kids. If you need directions to the new crib, email me.

One!
VDC

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Sad Truth

When you hear a random popping noise that happens, not just one, but a few, and then hear another round of popping noise in a different pitch, and finally you hear police/ambulance sirens, it means that someone near your house was shooting a gun at someone else and someone else shot back.

It's sad that I know that.

It's sad that it happens at least once a night.

Voodoo

Update: Told you.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Ms. New Duty

In a few days comes the opportunity to vote. It also is my opportunity to do some time for jury duty. Civic responsibility time, kids.

So if you'd like to know, I'm a big fan of doing my part. But lately it's more like doing little things in the name of the big thing, and I'm debating if that's even enough to satisfy the masses. Once upon a time, I was supposed to be at a sit-in (building invasion really), and I had to return home for some family business. I got chewed out because I left in the name of family after I spent a more than a few hours there with my peeps. Even worse, I was on TV making signs and being the face of the movement then I sure bounced. Torn, that I was. I have debated how to give since then because I'm famously known for not going the big mile when a smaller one will do.

I suppose I'd rather be the pebble that creates a minor change than a boulder that just causes a huge splashy-splashy. Even the pebble stops another pebble and yet another in due time. Then it diverts the freakin' river. Okay, I pushed that metaphor too far but you farking get it, brainiacs. How I love you so.

Anyways, I'm down to vote. I found out that many years ago I gave up my political affiliation (Die Hard John McLain style) from a blue statin' and pimpin' Democrat to a no party affiliated AKA Independent AKA a weirdo left wingy kid, according to some peeps. Hrm. I get my very own special ballot for the run-offs/primaries. Pretty sweet, right? Then I look at it, and who the hell are these people running for office? I have no idea. I see everyone else in the Demo/Rep ballots, but not the Decline to Staters. Fresh. But wait, I can still ask for a Demo ballot. Life is good. Thank you Independent Voter Project for helping me out. So I will proudly take my voter info booklet and read it cover to cover (nerd) and poke a hole in the cards. Sweet.

Jury Duty on the other hand is a toss up. I got picked AGAIN. I just did duty last year for fark's sake. I would like to say there is a little bit of a conspiracy. If they got me once, they'll get me again, sort of thinking, but hell, I did learn a lot about the court system when I did my time. I would like to say sure, I can do it, but it's summer time and who wants to do duty when it's nice out and I can finally get to do the work projects we are supposed to do. Oh well. It's a civil trial which means that it's in the nice new courthouse, not the old skanky criminal court. I like to watch other folks while they're awaiting the call to serve. It's sort of an interesting study in people. There are:

Those that don't speak English and want to get exempted but didn't follow the directions so they're kinda screwed and the jury staff get bitchy.
Those that desperately want to get out, but don't have a good excuse, and the jury staff get bitchy.
Those that live for this sort of thing and are just oh so interested. Seriously. Their eyes light up. That's not me.
Those that are there and are somewhat interested in it if it's a hot button issue but not so if it's a trivial and kinda boring trial that will last you 4 months. That's me.

Half the time I just watch everyone, all 200 of us who are called to serve, and wonder what they do in the real world.

Don't worry, I'll blog about it. Oh and while we're at it, vote.

Those that don't stand up, can't say shit. Or at the very least, sit up, will you?

DooVoo = Voodoo

PS: it's 1:30 AM, forgive the rambling.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Screw You, I'm Not Getting Rid of My Books!

Okay after reading this I might:

Get STUFF Out of Your House

Not unlike my earlier post, “Editing Your Life,” I’m still obsessing over the ideas of cutting to make space for things that matter. Let’s talk about that in your house. I’ll admit that there’s a recurring theme to this post: DONATE THINGS. THROW THINGS OUT. If you’re the ultimate pack rat, skip this post.

* Old clothes- You’re saving clothes that fit five years ago for when you drop that elusive twenty pounds. Chuck it. Donate it to one of the many needy causes out there. Drop it in a church bin. Whatever. Make it leave. It doesn’t matter that it was once expensive. If it’s not useful to you, how much is it worth? And shoes? Really. Look at all your shoes and tell me you’re really using all of them. Keep your Top 5 pair.
* Books- I just heard you gasp. Yes, you bibliophiles. There are books on your shelf — I know this as well as I know my name — that you will never refer to again, and that aren’t especially valuable. Donate them to the library. Get your kids to sell them on Amazon.com or eBay for summer money. Whatever. But really take a look at your shelf and ask yourself just which books you really use for reference, or keep because you know you’ll reread the story again, and then determine which you’re keeping “just in case someone wants to borrow them.” Chuck the latter. Everyone has access to books. If you feel really bad, ship the books to a developing nation program.
* Electronics- Do you have a seven year old camcorder that you used a lot when you first got it, but haven’t even charged the battery in well over a year? Give that to a school. Let kids use it for producing movies. It’s out of date. It’s not useful any more. Cheaper, smaller, better, faster ones exist. Feeling like you’re throwing away money? Try selling it on eBay and see what it’s worth.
* Dishes, Pots, Pans- Some folks keep things around “just in case” they need it. Consider how much stuff is in your home and really give that another look. Do you think you’ll be deep frying dough again any time soon? Do you need twenty glasses in case you have a party like the one you had four years ago? Donate this. Plenty of people can make use of it.
* Old computers- You want to do something great for your community? Take all your old, functioning computers, throw Ubuntu linux on them, and give them away to various community services. Give the working peripherals away, too. You’ve got your system. What are you really going to do with those other clunkers?
* Furniture- Some folks keep furniture around for “just in case” as well. I think this all stems back to a time when things weren’t so readily avaialble, but ask yourself: when was the last time you needed an emergency dresser or extra kitchen chair? The world economy is built for such emergencies these days. You need something quick and cheap? Go to WalMart or IKEA or your local craftsperson of note. Donate the old stuff in your house to people starting out families or who’ve survived a fire, or who otherwise need the stuff.

It’s not what these things cost you when you bought them that determines their value. But if you start looking around your home (or your business for that matter), you’ll find that there are things that linger in your home that cost you something else: ease of use of your home, extra expense (for instance, if you have to rent a storage space because your house is so cluttered), upkeep time when doing housework. There are costs related to those things sitting in your house for free, and I argue that more often than not, they outweigh the benefit of having such things around “in case you need them.”

Finally, try this as a method for determining what should go: pretend your house has suffered a terrible fire or flood. What would you wish above all else survived the experience? Everything on your list that didn’t qualify for that question? Chuck it.

–Chris Brogan tries hard to simplify through reduction and editing, including cutting back on superfluous words on his posts at [chrisbrogan.com].

Damn him. He's right.

Voodoo

Try not to laugh. Really.

Now, how do you get to this point? Do you sit and plan it out? Do you let your visually impaired left handed cousin that you never met just have at it? Do you ask for the "Swirly Cone on LSD" Special? Do you give your stylist crack?

If you have an idea how this was accomplished, you have to tell me. In the comments.

PS: Hello Mini Weekender!

PS2: If you give me a great comment, you win this! You lucky bastard. What, you don't like that? How about this? Picky, picky.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Four-toed statues make baby Jesus cry.

So I'm at Yuck Mouth, Tootles and the Apostle's house last nite, and was watching Lost, el Season Finale. A few slices of pizza and a wedge of Mud Pie later, yes, THAT Mud Pie, I was shaking my head trying to put all of it together.

I won't get into details here at this point, but crap. Now I have to think about it for a few months. WTF. I mean really.

At any rate, life is nice these days at the office, and I'm thrilled to have time to work on my stuff as well as meet and greet some friends. It's been wonderful thus far to get down to business, so to speak. Ironically I don't have the time to work when, well, work gets there, because my door has been and continues to be open. I get drop ins on a regular basis, and when I'm not meeting with folks, I'm trying to figure out where I left off.

Thrilling.

Okay, the Office is on, so I have to get to my tv'in. Have fun!

Voodoo

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Goodbye and Good Luck, part 1

Congratulations to Tapatio, Filter, Lil Man, Nani and Zoltan on the completion of their undergraduate degrees. Four years flies by real fast, don't it? It was a pleasure to work with you and definitely a joy to get to know each and every one of you as a member of my family.

I'll be back tomorrow with more shizzo for you all. Now that life is easier for me, I can go back to blogging by day ;-)

Kisses and hugs, and thank god I don't have to worry about graduation until December.

Voodoo

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Lost: Update

WAAAAAAAAAAAALT!
DAAAAAAAAAD!
I WAAAAAAAAAAAANT MY BOY!
DAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

1. Michael is a nut.
2. Sayid is HOT.
3. Jack is a sucka.
4. Sawyer is romantic.
5. Charlie throws Mary into the ocean.
6. Claire feels the love for Charlie.
7. Aaron is fat.
8. Hurley grows a set.
9. Locke is hardcore.

That is all.

Voodoo

PS: WAAAAAAAAALT!
PS2: Lost Finale Episode will be HAWT. Thanks Tootles for hosting!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Summer Comes, Summer Goes

Hello my kitties,

I hear the thunder of footsteps returning from senior stumble that tells me that it's almost time for the seniors to graduate. It's only a few short days away, and I'm dealing with a little sadness over it, but hey, if I did my job, they will all fly. If I didn't, I blame someone else. JK. Good luck, class of 2006. I raise my non-alcoholic beverage to you.

I'm looking forward to time off because I'm a little burned out, and I've been busting ass to make sure people look good. God knows, that alone takes a little bit of work. Professional life is hard enough, and I've learned my lessons sometimes the hard way, but having said good bye to my intern today, I can only hope that she learned something from me. Knowing me, it was definitely the hard way.

Professional life isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Politics, survival, self-reliance and self-awareness: mantras for sure, but there's even more. Intuition. Knowing who needs you and who you need. Understanding the difference between working hard and working efficiently. There's just shit no one teaches you, isn't there. Imagine me trying to teach someone all of this. In less than 3 months.

So now you understand why I'm so tired. At any rate, I was looking forward to summer after this weekend's beautiful weather, but God turned on the air conditioning and now it's cold outside. Great. And someone tell me why it's farking freezing at work and then it's sweltery hot at home. I hate that. Perfect reading weather though, isn't it?

Okay, so off to read a book. Tracy Kidder, Mountains Beyond Mountains. or David Allen, Getting Things Done. or Everyday Rachel Ray.

While we're at it, kids, Read a Book. Enjoy.

Voodoo

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Lost: An Update

Okay, I know none of you watch Lost, which is perfectly fine with me yet not. I have no one to vent to after the show.

Last week's episode featured Michael coming back to consciousness (very soap opera, you have to admit), Sawyer grabbin' some hips (that was hawt), and Jack's dad wanting to see his daughter (Claire, is that you?). See, the look on your face is that of WTF or if you're like me you say, write on, Voodoo, write on.

So I could easily rattle off why Lost is a good show: different characters, enough backstory to have an individual show for each character, freaky shit that keeps you guessing what could possibly happen next (which is inevitably wrong), and an occasional truth revealed to you that the characters don't know that keeps you feeling like you're part of the show too. But no, you're watching Smallville, The O.C., Desperate Housewives, and possibly One Tree Hill. I'll admit, I watch it too (out of the corner of my eye) but even that seems more contrived than Lost.

Husbandido says that Lost is crap because if they were on the island this long, someone would have found them by now. But I'm willing to suspend disbelief because shit, they are farking really lost, aren't they? It's not that far of a reach. But friends banging friends and still remaining friends? While still banging other friends? Good farking luck.

So question, to you Lost-heads (all two of you in the Voodoo Universe, if that) is Michael buck wild crazy or did the Others make a deal with him?

We'll talk next week.

Voodoo

Monday, May 01, 2006

Beautiful Things

Hello all,

First off, greetings to Mr. and Mrs. Etchasketch. Congratulations on a wonderful wedding, and may you two embark on a journey that is filled with love, joy and chocolate. Sorry, I like to throw in shit for me too, but that's just where I am with my life. Everyone said I Do, there were plenty of pictures taken, a lot of dancing done, and it was quite lovely to see everyone again!

Also, what is the deal with Lost, kids. I mean really, it's frustrating to have to watch those crazy little rerun recap shows, but I guess it's just keeping us guessing. I'm a little addicted to the whole show, so four new episodes for the Voodoo are comin' at me in the next few weeks.

Work is pretty busy these days, and I'm sorry I've been missing so many of your IMs. I can from time to time answer you all, but kids, I spend less time in my office than ever. I'm out and about at meetings, pimping my department and hopefully winning some love.

What's up with the Niners draft? I worry when a grown man cries when he gets drafted to my team. I hope those are tears of joy too, Coach. Barry gets beaned, Sharks get whupped, and who cares about Nascar.

Nothing serious to write about here, but just wanted to send out some love to my peeps. Burrito party is in the works, so keep posted, BRLers!

Voodoo

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

What Makes Voodoo Cry.

Sounds pretty serious, doesn't it. It does make me cry. Seriously. It's not a good thing to have to experience this. It's very sad. I see it so often that I don't know what to do.

Flat asses.

Yes, flat asses. It's unbelieveable how wack these things look. Here's a picture:

Hold on, I just vomited in my mouth.

FRESH! Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever seen? The poor saggy bikini bottom. Makes you want to weep. There's no dip in her back where you can put your hand when you're walking down the street. Your hand might slip down and fall into her crack. See what I mean? I'll give you a moment to grab a tissue.

I was walking through the mall tonight and I saw a girl in sweats walking with her boyfriend and they were so loose, it looked like when you wear sweats backwards (damn it when you're hungover and putting pants on wrong in the dark)...but they were on the right way! How sad is that? Like she stuffed her pants with a teddy bear to give it the stretched out look and then took out the bear for you to stare at her saggy pants. So sad. Just so sad.

I remember back in the day when women tried to work off their butts. It wasn't too fashionable. Women were proud of their flatness because it wasn't considered chic to be shapely in your butt. So I went ahead and lived my life thinking man, I ain't got that flatness, I guess I suck.

Well, I guess I RULE now, don't I? There are butt pads you can check out (Possibly NSFW), so flat asses of the world, make sure you get to work because his anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon!

Voodoo

Thursday, April 20, 2006

PostSecret

I bought a book yesterday - I know, when do I not buy a book - called Post Secret. If you get a chance you might want to check it out. It's about postcards people send this guy...they have secrets printed on them. And they are all kinds of secrets. Happy ones, sad ones, pervy ones.

My mom is reading it now. Dad loved my Found Magazines, too. He's next on the must-read list.

Anyways, I think I may have blogged about this before, and such is life, but I think you have to get a grasp on what the whole concept of sharing a secret is like to really understand how interesting the book is. I dig the fact that so many people are creative and want to share the deepest parts of themselves with others. Sort of like in the movie 2046 That I truly hope you see, but maybe never will, that everyone has to share a secret with someone, even if it is just a hole in a tree.

But then comes the question, as the one who is often told secrets, because such is the nature of the work, there is a burden of bearing it. Having heard so many things at work, and often times out of work because for some reason I have the "talk to me" sticker on my forehead that even homeless people feel compelled to tell me things, it's a trip how much people will tell you. People are yearning to say things that they have been carrying for years, and the look on their face, is priceless, not in the shit in your pants way, but in the thank god I got that off my chest way. Sure there are tears, there are rages, but in the end there is always relief. Somehow.

Yet when I hear vents from all over, there are always reopened wounds, other things come up that are long buried then come back to life as if to be relieved again. This is another issue, where we cannot help but wonder if some secrets were meant to stay that way. But we know that doesn't bring healing; maybe some secrets need time, like we all do.

Check out the website if you don't have the scrills to buy the book: Post Secret. But if you are feeling strong enough to share a secret with us, the comments are always welcome to anonymous writers.

Unload, already.

Voodoo

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Occupied Lands...

Tonight I ran into a former student. She and I met over 15 years ago when she was a student in high school. Then I followed her to her college, and now I finally got to see her graduate. Now she's a dentist. Successful. Happy. Still looks the same. Life is good like that.

BBC. What is the dehttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifal. You know, of course, that many of our hit shows come from across the pond. The Weakest Link. The Office. Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Cash Cab. American Idol. Intriguing, isn't it. I want to know who to blame Lost on. That show is teh crackay. Oh and Survivor is from Sweden! Go figure.

So here's on my list of must-see BBC. Screw American tele, if you will, but you've gotta check out me and Mango's list of BBC shows!

Footballers' Wives Seriously. Who needs Desperate Housewives, when you have Footballers' Wives. Remember Dynasty and Knots Landing? Dallas? Those shows are a template for the oh-so-fabulous Footballer's wives. Sex. Murder. Lots of men's butts. Slutty fans going after famous footballers (that's soccer for you heathens). I could watch this series back to back to back. As a matter of fact, Mango and I did. It's crackish, and you won't be able to pull yourselves away from the train wreck that is...Footballers' Wives. Kisses, Tonya.

Hustle Introducing my new favorite TV guy, Adrian Lester. Wowee! I love this guy. Partially because he wears really nice suits, and if you know me, I love suits. Pinstriped suits, esp! SO you'll see Heist and Thief coming to american television, all a la mode of Hustle. You'll like this smart drama/suspense/comedy. Yes, it's Ocean's 11 in the form of a television program, but I think you'd dig it lots. Catch it on A&E.

MI-5 You'll see this in England under the tag name of "Spooks" but that's not a good word here in the Good Ol' US, but we'll just call it MI-5. Domestic terrorism is the drama here, and you'll see clever CSI-ish investigation, interview techniques, and this is one show that isn't afraid to off its most popular characters!

So those are my addictions for the time being...any shows you're hooked on?

WINNER OF THE VEGAS IS IN THE BLOG CONTEST! The winner is Pterodactyl who correctly got the most right. Will I ever say what I did? Never. The unknown value Starbizzles cards are right here, so let me know how you want it! Or I'll just buy you a coffee when we next meet up, deal?

Kisses,
Voodoo

Friday, April 14, 2006

Good Friday Gang Signs

I saw this and thought it was hilarious, but then again, I'm on vacay for a day and this is as good as it gets. Now if only I can get a BRL sign that would be extra tight.

Voodoo

Sunday, April 09, 2006

What Happens in Vegas, Is in My Blog, Bitches.

Vegas for most people involves serious attempts at frivolity on many different levels. Visitors either strive for excess or just happen to find themselves on the other side of the curve. Rarely are people there just to be there. There's always something to strive for when in Vegas.

That being said, I will not in any way shape or form reveal the names and identities of those who went on said trip to Vegas save myself. I will, however reveal interesting things heard and seen on my short 1 day and 15 hour stop in Sin City. The trick here, my friends, is to tell me which ones I lovingly performed, thus whoring myself out for the benefit of the blog, or the ones other folks performed, just because, well Vegas is one big amateur night, and people just love letting it all hang out when they really should just go away.

Enjoy, good luck, and winners will be given two gift cards I have from Starbucks which may or may not have a balance. You lucky people you. Now onto the show:

"I need to work on my boobs!"
"There are a few HMs here! (Hot Men)"
"That's sisterhood right there!" (As unnamed person crawled on the floor of a restroom under a door to comfort a yakking friend).
"I just spent the last five minutes throwing up last night's dinner."
"Can I get a bag for "the ride home?""
"I don't want your condom if it's the only one you've got."
"I'm married. No more condoms."
"Which one of your friends is single?" "None of them for you."
"Spring break. The boobs are all out."
"You need to ask someone who looks young. Like 21."
"Penis, you can say it, Penis, Penis, Penis."
"Honey, if I don't make it home, I love you." (As the cab raced through traffic and many near-death experiences.)
"There's a naked man driving our cab."
"If you don't maintain, the cabbie won't take you."
"My gay friend said I need to show my boobs."
"As the oldest person here at the table, I need to get to bed before any of you."
"I'm going to ask you to do something weird. Call your husband."
"No crying on the dance floor!"
"Okay, she just said, 'There's Suge Knight.' He's a killer and she yelled his name. We are going to die."
"Wow, they all have different color wigs. We need to up our game."
"If I get married in Vegas, I'm going to have my reception at Rain."
"Oh look a Japanese boy band."
"We saw Hilary Duff!"
"Want me to teabag that for you?"
"The Filipinos are in the house!"
"The hot tub is ready for you. All of our spices and flavorings have been simmering."
"Take us on the gentle route home, if you don't mind."
"Just eat the meat."
*freebie* "I'm from San Francisco, so I know a thing or two about you already."

Okay, there are plenty other things that I left off which will go with me to the grave. Which is really unfortunate, because those are some of the funniest ones out there. So have at it. Guess which ones came out of the mouth that kisses my mother. Filthy little savage!

dooVoo