The Truth about Skin
I think that I have to write this blog to put it out there: right now I'm not liking how I feel skinwise.
You all know I have psoriasis. My life has been ebb and flow as far as this disease goes. It's equal parts frustrating as well as sad, and I don't know that I've had a 'good' day with it, even though I will tell you I'm okay. I am just venting, don't worry about checking in on me. You guys are good friends like that and I love you for it.
At any rate, I was actually doing fairly decent when I got back from Hawaii. There was a period in Hawaii when I was horrible. I felt like I was succumbing to this disease and it was eating away at me, literally and figuratively, but then it cleared up like clouds parting on a dreary day. THen all was well. I lived that way for a good two-three weeks, then all of a sudden, it's back with a vengeance. I'm tired of it, truth be told. The yoyo swings back and forth (or is that up and down), and I'm burned out from it. I'm itchy constantly. I have a nagging awareness that it's time for me to put the tank tops away and pull out the long sleeved everything. No more skirts, no more capris. God, at least it's not good ol' warm weather. Then again, the cold does bring it out more than normal. It sucks to be me.
I go to treatments twice a week, and at times I wonder how good it really works, and while it feels good to soak in a tub of nice warm water, it's also taking a chunk of time from my day, and that annoys me. I worry constantly about the damage the treatments do to my skin, but sometimes it feels like it helps, and sometimes it doesn't. Who knows. Call it the heartbreak disease. Fuck that. annoying.
I tried for a long time telling myself that I would not hate the disease, that I'd make it go away in time by making friends with it or maybe even being at peace with it. But I'm through playing nice. I have always been agressive with treatments, but I don't think I'll be talking nice to it anymore. It's time that we part ways, break up, maybe, and go our separate ways.
I am not a fan of negativity, but I need to let go of this pain somehow, and it feels like every day as of late (maybe this last month) I have literally felt so much pain that I'm over it. It's hard to sleep, it's hard to be cold when my skin can't even do the whole goosebump thing (it's wierdly annoying and it hurts too), and to top it off, my nephew (2 years old, can't hate on him) walked up to me, touched my arm and said Ew and ran away with a shitty look on his face. WTF. I was pissed like a bitch. But then again, my godson looks at it, touched my arm and says Owie and actually looked at me like he could feel me. At least I know someone has raised their kid right.
Anyway, that's just me venting. Chronic disease sucks. I can't even get goosebumps! This sucks cause it's so cold! Crep!
Voodoo