Game...
He got game...She got game...WTF?
Everyone's got game. No one has the "game" market cornered. Everyone at any time has the capability of impressing or sweeping someone of the opposite sex completely off of their feet. It's been scientifically proven - watch Hitch...hehe.
Sarcasm aside, I am a true believer in this theory.
Ladies and gents, Shooter isn't a looker, he's not as cute as he thinks he is. What he is, however, is highly observant, terribly intelligent, and downright fearless. Go figure...
Game, to me, is a play off of Sun Tzu's Art of War (if you haven't read it, read it...now! It's applicable for both business and personal endeavors). The theory is simple:
1. Know your prospect as you know yourself
2. Put yourself in a position which makes defeat improbable, if not impossible
3. Buy a Lotto Ticket! Kidding...the meaning here is that you can't win the lotto if you don't first buy a ticket and play. In other words, you can't date the girl if you don't approach the girl and state your intentions. Be bold.
Proper application of these principles gives you an advantage that is is difficult to defend against. Okay, okay....it's not that simple...sue me. There is more to it than this - but these are the seeds. I'll elaborate on the rest later...
Playing the player....
No...not referring to me...well, ok-I guess it can refer to me in certain applications. Here's a scenario:
Hot chick...I mean SMOULDERING. Let's call her Chiquita Banana...Chiquita for short.
She's swatting away suitors like med schools do applicants.
Yep, she's the queen bee, the center, the Alpha female, the Player.
She's the girl that hooks guys into buying her drinks, taking her to dinner, lavish her with gifts, and with compliments, blah, blah, blah...
We all know at least one Chiquita in our circle, don't we?
To further the scenario:
Months ago, blinded by her beauty, Shooter nearly got caught in her web, but through the grace of the Almighty, managed to cheat fate and escape (ta da!). Still, out of morbid curiousity decided to stay close to see who else might fall victim to Chiquita's exotic powers.
Shooter decided to play aloof...staying within buzz range to maintain his visibility - not too close as to be creepy, and not too far to appear disinterested.
Shooter began the slow and steady process of establishing value in himself...but not do so in a direct manner...nay, such an act would appear as self promotion and would subsequently thwart our hero's attempts at wooing her.
Nope, he decided that others should be the vessel at pronouncing his coolness..hehe. He employed the use of his cronies to spread the gospel of Shooter. "Man, he can dance", and "he's a really cool guy", "he's funny as f_ck", etc...
Lo and behold, Chiquita notices. Her demeanor has changed ever so lightly. She slinks by, touching Shooter suggestively and gave a knowing smile.
It's working...
"My turn." This time, Shooter plays hard to get.
With the air of feigned disinterest, Shooter payed little attention to her, only in so far as to not be rude, but to be courteous.
Dissatisfied with Shooters inexplicably mild response, Chiquita amped up her barrage; the peacock opening her full array of illustrious feathers, if you will.
Still, our hero showed no change in expression - not even a glance to display that he is impressed or enamored.
Shooter continued the indirect display of value like the steady rush of the incoming tide. Friends stopping by and greeting him, geniunely wanting to hang out with him, further validating his qualities as a friend. In addition enjoying other women grace him with their prescence, further validating his qualities as a potential mate/lover.
All of this Chiquita sees...and takes serious note of. "This guy is different"
Occassionally, Shooter sends an obtuse message or gift. Obtuse from the standpoint that the receiver cannot tell if it is one out of friendship or amor. Effectively, he baits his line and teases Chiquita, enticing her to delve more into understanding Shooter, his qualities, and his intentions and further reinforcing her desire to get closer to him.
Ladies and Gents...the object of the game:
"Be not the moth.....be the flame".
Laying the foundation..
Hi everyone, I'm Shooter.
A little background on me: I'm single, educated, in my 30's, experienced, athletic, and dating.
On a frequent basis, I'll be spewing tidbits about my views on relationships, dating, sex, and hygiene from a decidedly male perspective. Please don't get me wrong - I'm not a mysogynist. On the contrary, I love women and enjoy their company and long to have a meaningful relationship with someone who is affectionate, intelligent, kind, godfearing, and confident. Until that fortuitous time, I will continue to date and (as my mother always says) "collect and select" to both pass the time and to enjoy the interaction.
So, let me begin with a little rant about "one-itis". One-itis is an illness that afflicts SINGLE men who dangerously fixate on one woman at a time. I say dangerously because this effectively is putting all your eggs in one basket. I currently avoid one-itis like the black plague. One must think of the time you spend with women along the same lines as the money you invest for the future. For all intents and purposes, they are quite similar. Your goal is to maximize your return on investment and minimize risk. So, when a guy spends all of his effort courting ONE woman of unknown value at a time, he risks excessive emotional injury and loss of valuable time and emotional capital.
So why not spread out that risk? Why not date more than one woman at a time?
To be clear, I'm not promoting cheating or infidelity or anything like that. What I am advocating is a more polyamorous and adult approach to dating where all information is above board. You effectively reduce risk and improve your possibility of finding the girl that fits you best. Imagine a situation where you're dating numerous women you share interests with and find that you truly enjoy the time you are spending with a specific one. You enjoy her so much, you forsake the rest. Wouldn't you feel better about making a life changing decision based on this epiphany?
Now doesn't that sound nice? You bet.
Potholes.
There are inherent problems with this method. Sadly, they usually orginate with your prospects:
1. Attachment- some of your prospects may develop attachment issues. Let's face it, you may too, but that refers back to one-its. The key to absolving yourself of this is to be entirely honest about your dating capabilities. Let them know that you're not interested in exclusivity at the moment and prefer to feel your way along with her holding your hand, constantly hoping for the best.
2. Klingons - this is the kissing cousin of attachment. More to the point, Klingons are exactly that: kling-ons. The stalker chicks who absolutely have to be the only hen in the henhouse and will make your life increasingly difficult because they will not stand to be Seven of Nine. Sadly, you must boot these alpha females. Nuff said.
3. Money - being poly amorous is a very expensive proposition. Dating is not cheap. Be forewarned.
4. Schedule - related to money. There are only so many days in the week and so many hours in the day. Juggling a dating schedule with work and friend/family committments can and will be tricky. It takes a steady hand...
Please understand that this strategy to combat the risks inherent in dating one woman at a time is based on strict HONESTY. The moment you lie, quibble, or glean over information, you sacrifice your integrity and you may hurt someone badly. It's been done - don't do it. Be clear about your capabilities, and if they see enough value in you, they'll stick around. It's your job to establish that value. More about establishing value later...
**Ladies, this strategy is not meant to reduce your value to us. It is meant to reduce the impact of you saying "no" and keeps us moving forward. Men are physically strong beings with fragile egos. A striking woman, 5'1" in stature, and dressed in a great outfit will easily crush a 6'4" 250lb man by simply saying "no" to his genuine advance. This is just one way to reduce that impact while not losing our motivation to find the one for us...it'll hurt, it just won't hurt that bad.
New Year, New Writer
Hello all,
I would like to introduce you to Shooter, a good friend of mine, who is joining BRL on The Big Aiyah as a new writer. I won't say too much but just enjoy his take on life. I look forward to seeing what he brings you and what you all bring to him.
Voodoo
Sad men frighten birds away.
Down to their pensive foreheads descend
the clouds
and dissolve into an opaque drizzle.
Flowers languish
in the gardens of the sad men.
Their precipices tempt death.
Whereas
the women that are within a woman
are all born at the same time
in front of the sad eyes of the sad men.
The woman vessel again opens her belly
and offers the sad man her redeeming milk.
The woman child kisses with fervor
his paternal, desolate widower’s hands.
And she who walks silently in the house
shines his black hours and patches up
all the holes in his breast.
There is another that lends to the sad man
her two hands as if they were wings.
But sad men are deaf to their music.
There is no lonelier woman then,
more sadly lonely,
than she who wants to love a sad man.
-Piedad Bonnet
::I feel so lucky
We went out to eat and no sparks ignited. Whew, that would have been soooo bad. Thank God, I didn’t develop feelings towards my friend’s ex. I didn’t want to be Chandler secretly in love with Joey’s girlfriend or Joey obviously in love with Rachel. I’m glad that I wouldn’t be tormented if I saw any of the ubiquitous Friends DVDs.
The girl and I are still friends and still have a good time whenever we see each other. We don’t see each other regularly, which is good for me; otherwise I don’t know if I would feel differently. It’s just that there was a week in which I didn’t, couldn’t trust myself. It wasn’t all sexual, she is a very attractive woman, but I was more “curious” because of her personality and traits. It was because **drum roll** she could always make me laugh. Not just a regular “haha”, then go to the next joke, but frequently get me (and each other) a full belly laugh that would fuel hours worth of laughs. We also share a lot of interest that can quickly delve us into conversations that span politics, current affairs, adult swim lineup, etc.
I’m just feeling relieved that I didn’t have to start berating myself for getting really interested in a friend’s recent ex. That would have been my bad. It’s not like there aren’t a lot of beautiful, intelligent, witty, down-to-earth women available, it’s just that it’s hard to date people you have a good connection to. Those usually turn out to be your friends and I love all of them. That’s why I feel so lucky that I didn’t have to cross any boundaries this past week.
"Most of the people I know are either really into a relationship or really really single."
Is this a late 20s phenomenon? Is this isolated to single Asians? Or is this statement from a localized point of view?
As the months turn to years, the polarization of my friend’s relationship status has become more acute. I can only name a couple of friends who are still seeking/working to be in a relationship. They are the statistical anomalies. Right now, in the middle of the holiday season (and upcoming Valentine’s day), when in years past most of my single friends would lament that they want to be with somebody, most singles are actually happy being single. By rote, we explain that we’re not against being in a relationship if the right person comes along, but until then, we’re actually relishing the single life. Can it get lonely? Of course, if you don’t have real friends; especially “special” friends.
At the other extreme are my relationship friends, though still funny and cool, they have lost something. Seems like the work that they have put into making the relationship work and last has taken the very spontaneity and creativeness that got them in the relationship. I’m not talking about my married/family friends; they have a huge responsibility that necessitates following a scripted plan. Just like Bill Walsh back in the day, my family friends need to follow the first 15 plays to ensure that the team wins in the end. I’m talking about my relationship friends who are actually worse than my family friends. It seems that they are more sardonic and have not had a good belly laugh the past 2 years.
Hey, I know I’m being very subjective here. I’m sure most of my friends, in a relationship or not, are happy in some way or another. But, I guess the gist or my rant is directed to all the people, my relatives especially, that I don’t NEED to be in a relationship, let alone be married. Just because I’m getting older and beginning to establish myself that the next step is to get married. It would be a logical next step if I needed to sire children to help till my 40 acres and plant rice.
Off the soap box I go.
So, I'm giving her another chance.
I really don't know if it's because I subconsciously/deeply like this girl or just because nothing better has come. I used to think it was the latter, but it has been quite a few months already and she's still here and standing. I promised myself that for ONCE in my life, I'm not going to apply (and bring) up most of the criterias that I have used in the past; to whether or not to go for a woman.
Man, it used to be alot easier than this. It used to be:
"Hey, she smiled at me. I like her!"
"She got some titties!"
"She's cute and her pump is pretty high."
"She's hella fine!"
"She's hella fine with some titties and bootie!"
"She got BACK!"
Then it turned to:
"She's cute and gives it up"
Fast-forward a bit and it evolved to:
"She's f*** fine and smart. Damn, I want her!"
"She's pretty, smart, and atheletic. Nice!"
"She's pretty, smart, atheletic, and hella funny. She's the girl for me!"
(This by the way in my opinion was the pinnacle. I should have stayed with the best one at this time and married her. NO JOKE).
Now, it's:
"She's cool"
"She's alright, but has a good job"
"She's cool, with a good job, and only one kid."
"She's cool, with a job, and baby daddy is out of the picture"
"She's cool."
So, this is what experience and maturing gives us? Being a consumate critic. Are all of the good girls really married? I know there's still really fantastic women out there, but how do you meet these mystical beings?
Oh wait.....I'm supposed to give her another chance.
--Holla back ladies with how your criterias have evolved as well
::legacy and love
I just finished dumping some depressing shit on my personal blog; about how none of us can really leave a lasting legacy. So of course this got me thinking about whether loving someone for an extended period of time can be considered a legacy.
I hear about these couples who have been together for 20+ number of years and they state that they are still in love. 20+ years! How come the longest I've ever been in that state is one and a half years max? Is it biological? I know it's not a male-thing because I know folks who are still in that love mode for over 5 years.
We have gyms and fads that help us get in better physical shape and hopefully lead us to a lifestyle of healthy living that we can enjoy. Where are the love gyms? I haven't seen a yoga mat of love at Walgreens. What about cardio-intimacy?
What I really want to know is after the intimacy, passion, and ecstacy of "being in love" subsides (or does it), is the love transformed into "best friend love". Or if one gets married does it become "family love"; where it goes unsaid but is tacit.
::skeet! skeet! skeet!
I just thought this was the funniest thing.
Skeet
::M.I.L.F
Is Cuba Goodings right, when he stated in ‘Jerry McGuire’ that, “it’s wrong to get the nani from a single mother; that’s a sacred thing?”
My boy Adam said it shouldn’t matter, but it’s hard when you make the mistake of getting to know the person first. What was I thinking?! She’s really cute, Lucy Liu spunky cute and a sweet, wonderful person. She keeps saying she wants to start dating; and my spidey senses are telling me that’s a hint and a half for us to kick it on a new level. But, what level is that? Is it let me warm her up and get her used to the dating scene again? Is it: she’s an adult, and adults have very adult needs, and this is what this adult wants do? Or, is it let’s get warm together and try to build something?
I’m really kicking myself for being considerate and having a conscious here, but I’m not 19 anymore, and I know her now. Most will ask, why I just don’t go for it and see where it goes. The thing is I’ve already tried that and concluded that the best we were going to be was friends. It’s the privileges part that I’m debating with myself.
I know we really never did anything malicious to each other. I don't even think, we ever had an argument. I know you patiently waited for me to open myself up and trust you emotionally. But, I felt the same way, that you are only showing me your emotions that ride on the surface.
We had good times, without the humor.
You have my friendship, without the bond.
You are my lover, without the love.
You tried so hard to win my affection. In trying, you forgot to show me who I was to allow to win me over. All I ever saw was the effort. You did not consider that I am perceptive enough, to learn and understand your qualities, if they are not forced. I know we never did anything malicious to each other, so letting you go should not hurt.
...I wasn't always like this continuedAs I've grown; I've learned, made mistakes, re-applied lessons, and re-introduce myself to me. Throughout the melange of transformations and personal mantras, specific songs have defined my personal anthem or battlecry. So, let me bite off of Dave Chappelle's skit, "Dave on Dave" and see (for myself) how I've changed through the years.
At 14: Relationships - When asked what's going on with the girl I've been talking too, I'd reply, "ohhh man...we just messin' (even though I'm head over heels trippin over her)."
Theme songs - "If It Isn't Love" by New Edition, "I'll Give Al My Love" by Keith Sweat, "Here and Now" by Luther Vandross
At 18: Relationships - When asked what's going on with the ladies, I'd reply, "don't matter...all these females are b**ches and sl**ts anyway."
Theme songs - "O.P.P." by Naugty by Nature, "If You Want It" by 2nd II None
At 22: Relationship - When asked what's going on with the ladies, I'd reply, "s*****! YOU tell me?!"
Theme songs - "Pony" by Ginuwine, "Don't wanna be a Player" by Joe, "Sumthin Sumthin" by Maxwell
25+: Relationship - When asked what's going on with the ladies, I'd reply, "I was on the road to marriage, but boy I must have been driving drunk."
Theme songs - "Let's Get Married" Jagged Edge, "The Light" by Common, "Where I wanna Be" by Donnell Jones
::seeing the world through roughed-up RaybansExcluding couples who are married, engaged, or are just in their "honeymoon phase," are there really guys who are happy in their current relationship?
As Chris Rock said, "a man is only as loyal as his options." Someone, please tell me, I'm way offbase in how I feel about relationships, and C.R. and myself are in the minority as far as guy's group think.
::I wasn’t always like thisnot in the beginning. I used to love wholeheartedly and unconditionally; oblivious to my (current) girlfriend’s faults (flaw? What flaw?). Grateful to God, fate, circumstance, and to her for being in my life and allowing me to show her my affection and gratitude. Days were filled with excitement and adventure as we dared our own tolerances for danger and thrill. Moments lasted as we indulged in each other’s aspirations, hopes, trepidation, needs, and pleasure with what we have in front of us.
I used to think of being in a relationship as an idyllic sanctuary of deep understanding, dreams, and dare I say it; love. Our refuge from the realities and cruelties of the world was the comfort and security from each other’s voice, embrace, soft steady gaze, and unconscious belief that we’ll never be alone.
It used to be so easy to articulate and describe the wonder that was her and the bliss that was us.
In short I was in love, and believed in love.
After being cheated on and dismissed by my first two loves; love became commercial and superficial. Commercial in that greed presided; to make sure I got what I wanted before I can remotely get hurt. Superficial in that the guise of a potential romance, let alone a relationship was only a gambit to fight a nasty spell of loneliness.
I’d like to think and do believe that I was never malicious in any tryst and/or romance that I engaged into. I know I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend. But, I know I’ve never been able to commit wholeheartedly to anyone since.
By putting it in black and white, I’m asking myself,
“what are you looking forward to when you begin to get involved in a relationship with someone?”….to be continued
