Etch-A-Sketch

set me free
leave me be
i don't wanna fall another moment
into your gravity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBiGrHc0Xy4

There is something about this song that feels like sweet heartache



I don't hang around that place no more
I'm tired of wearing circles in the floor
And I don't carry myself very well
I've gotten so much braver
Can you tell

I'm happy
Can't you see
I'm alright
But I miss you Amber Lee

And I line my secrets up all one by one
I put 'em all away when I was done
And I would really love to hear your voice sometime
To close a little distance in my mind

I'm happy
Can't you see
I'm alright
But I miss you Amber Lee
Amber Lee

Where have you been all these years
And how could you just disappear
And when did you stop
Missing me

I'm happy
Can't you see
I'm alright
But I miss you Amber Lee

I'm alright
But I miss you Amber Lee

i make paintings of toys

for the most part
the toys i paint are the ones i played with
when i was a kid

these days, i yearn
for those moments

when i was a kid

when my mind was so clear
and thoughts so few

and my imagination
ran wild as untamed horses

i'm still trying to get used to growing up
and having so many other things to think about
besides "play"

i know i should be used to it by now
but damn it, damn it

when a big part of my journey to success
is to have a strong imagination
it's damn hard to accept growing up

how do i nurture my imagination
and think of so many things
that come along with being older?

i'm afraid that someday
i might even forget how to imagine...

that's so terrible, i don't even want to think about it

my toy paintings
help me travel back to those moments
when imagination
showed me a better world
than the one i lived in

it helps me remember
the child like joy
that i need to feel
in order to love
painting

i never want to forget that joy
because i wouldn't feel alive
if i did...

for me, it's ironic that love started loosing it's meaning when people started trying to define it.

i remember reading this book about love once. the book, although logical, was so scientific in it's approach that i almost stopped wanting to fall in love.

people seem expect so much from love nowadays.

even though it emerged out of such an innocent feeling of joy and rapture.

and people seem to expect so much from the ones who love them...

i remember someone saying "i don't believe in love at first site. that to me is more like lust at first site, because it's basically all physical, and if it's physical it must be sexual."

i fall inlove with the world often, the physical world, but i don't want to have sex with it. i only know a minute percentage of what the world is, but i still love it. for what little i know about the world, i'm inlove with it.

when you feel joy, don't you just feel joy? when you feel sorrow, don't you just feel sorrow?

- You guys really are cowboys.
- What's your problem, Kazansky?
- You're everyone's problem.
- Every time you fly, you're unsafe.
- I don't like you. You're dangerous.
- That's right, Ice... man. I am dangerous.

my blog seems to be dying
and i don't know what to do about it

somehow i no longer feel the urge to write
like i used to

when i started my online journal 9 years ago
(http://www.geocities.com/alizarin1/words.html)
i was so excited to have something to share
with the world
it felt like i was part of a trailblazing community
of public introspective writers

we all found each other somehow
and we all communicated and shared
through our own writing

the online journal was so powerful
that it brought me closer to another writer
who eventually became my wife

now
blogging isn't as exciting for me

i'm not really sure why
i just don't have the urge

now
when i have time to write
i end up using that time
to go on facebook
or shop online
or something
something else

is it because i don't have anything to say anymore?
or is it because when i do have something to say
i say it to my wife now?
or is it because my life is more boring now?
maybe i'm more busy...

yeah, i don't know

i'm still gonna keep trying to do this
hopefully i get to do it more often
and hopefully i don't write any crap...

man, this sucks.

for those of you who have been keeping up with me
you know that i've been all about taking a break from painting and art
and i've been trying to get into a few other hobbies that i enjoy

i sometimes ask myself "what for?.. why spend time on something that's not going to make you the best at that particular thing?"

it's kinda one of those guilty feelings that taps my shoulder and tells me that hobbies are just a waste of time because they do not lead to more money or recognition.

money and recognition

i noticed that those are the two things that people care mostly about when they think about someone's worth...

oh oops. sorry. i digress...

i'm supposed to be talking about basketball.

so while i'm taking a break from painting, i'm trying to learn a few other things that hopefully makes me a more well rounded person.

1) i joined the church choir with wifey.
2) i'm messing around with the ukelele
3) i'm trying to get better at basketball

so like i said, i don't think any of these are going to change my stature in society
but they sure make me happy

i'd like to talk about the choir and the ukelele a little later. but right now i got a video of a basketball game that i played with some 30-40 year old dudes in Hayward. we meet at around 9AM every Saturday morning and we play until about 12 noon. one of the guys decided to start recording the games for posterity and now we got more that 50 videos of our old, slow butts playing half court hoops!

In this video, my team and i were losing by alot of points until we finally started making a comeback. Billy (wearing a white headband), nicknamed Billysimo, led the the team as he panted and coughed up phlem while the rest of us were trying to hold our own.
PART I


PART II


boy, life can sure be fun.

"i've never loved anything as much as he loves music."

http://movies.yahoo.com/premieres/9672091/standardformat/

there is just
so much to learn
so much

so much that i feel like my

heart will explode in excitement
and frustration

this world offers so much
to learn

i hope i have time

sometimes
my sensitivity takes advantage of me

and sometimes
the air that i breathe ends up suffocating me

and my heart feels bruised and battered
and my soul is torn and tattered

and i can't live in this crazy world
anymore

bridge:
but i take comfort in you
i seek shelter in your voice and cry
into your shoulder

i take comfort in you
as you hold me close and whisper

"it's alright. it'll soon be over."

refrain:
in your arms is where i heal
in your arms is where i find clarity
i see through tears
brave through my fears
until i'm ready to face
the world again

bridge 2:
and your words
they fill my soul
like cool fresh air

they fill my soul
and help me breathe
you help me breathe again

refrain:
in your arms is where i heal
in your arms is where i find clarity
i see through tears
brave through my fears
until i'm ready to face
the world again

I'm really glad Jim Carrey's back
http://www.yesisthenewno.com/

I can't wait to laugh out loud

- i injured my left foot running 9 miles, walking around Seattle and playing basketball. so i'm trying to rehab and i stopped running. but it's so hard to live without my saturday morning bball. so i'm thinking about maybe changing my my usual pivot foot from my left to my right

- i'm trying really hard to complete some paintings for a new show that i'm working on. it's tough being an artist while having a day job man. it's hard! but i'm trying man, i'm trying. dang... i'm working on a solution, but i might not see the results until later... much later... in the meantime... i'm exhausted.

- it's getting more difficult to hang out with my buddies. we're all married and trying to be adults. i think we all feel guilty whenever we think about going out and having fun when there are other, more responsible things to do. anyway, i notice some friends trying to reach out and nurture our friendships, so i thank them for that. i'm trying too.

- last weekend, i went to the nike outlet in vacaville and bought two bball shoes: the Zoom Air BBs and the Air Max Force 180s. i'm really excited to use them, but what sux is that my freakin left foot is injured man!!! i can't go full force (not the samantha fox version)!!!

it was around 11pm on a sunday night
i was in bed with the wifey

she was fallin asleep while reading a book and
i was foolin around with the myspace karaoke

i'm so glad i'm not a professional
cause my singing needs alot of work
but below is what i came up with

this one's for my sweety
http://ksolo.myspace.com/actions/showSongProfile.do?rid=139111&sid=23036&uid=2091639

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew,
I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age

And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out,
I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore'

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKriei3PZug

Question: how many ears does mr. spock have?
Answer: three.
the right ear
the left ear
and
the final

front ear

Question: what do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards?
Answer: a receding hareline

is this thing on (taps on the mic)?

yes. humor. thank you. i'm here every evening.

don't forget to tip your bartender on your way out.