Etch-A-Sketch

I'm really glad Jim Carrey's back
http://www.yesisthenewno.com/

I can't wait to laugh out loud

- i injured my left foot running 9 miles, walking around Seattle and playing basketball. so i'm trying to rehab and i stopped running. but it's so hard to live without my saturday morning bball. so i'm thinking about maybe changing my my usual pivot foot from my left to my right

- i'm trying really hard to complete some paintings for a new show that i'm working on. it's tough being an artist while having a day job man. it's hard! but i'm trying man, i'm trying. dang... i'm working on a solution, but i might not see the results until later... much later... in the meantime... i'm exhausted.

- it's getting more difficult to hang out with my buddies. we're all married and trying to be adults. i think we all feel guilty whenever we think about going out and having fun when there are other, more responsible things to do. anyway, i notice some friends trying to reach out and nurture our friendships, so i thank them for that. i'm trying too.

- last weekend, i went to the nike outlet in vacaville and bought two bball shoes: the Zoom Air BBs and the Air Max Force 180s. i'm really excited to use them, but what sux is that my freakin left foot is injured man!!! i can't go full force (not the samantha fox version)!!!

it was around 11pm on a sunday night
i was in bed with the wifey

she was fallin asleep while reading a book and
i was foolin around with the myspace karaoke

i'm so glad i'm not a professional
cause my singing needs alot of work
but below is what i came up with

this one's for my sweety
http://ksolo.myspace.com/actions/showSongProfile.do?rid=139111&sid=23036&uid=2091639

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew,
I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age

And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out,
I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore'

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKriei3PZug

Question: how many ears does mr. spock have?
Answer: three.
the right ear
the left ear
and
the final

front ear

Question: what do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards?
Answer: a receding hareline

is this thing on (taps on the mic)?

yes. humor. thank you. i'm here every evening.

don't forget to tip your bartender on your way out.

i remember you
and the way you made me feel

see the thing is
nothing ever really happened

but i think about you
and how you made me feel
whenever i saw you

reminicence reminds me
of how you looked at me
like you longed for me

but i didn't notice until now

could it be
that i see
a little differently
now that time has passed

i know things might be a bit hazy
and out of place
but i think there was something
something going on
and that maybe we can pick it up where we left it off

So for Valentines Day
the Girl and I decided to watch a romantic Filipino movie

from an american perspective
we've historically considered filipino romantic movies subpar
for the most part, it seems like they are hastily made
and with more focus on featuring celebrities and lots of melodramatic
shouting and arguing
rather that creative storytelling and dialogue

but once in a while, we'll rent one from Netflix
just so we can somehow feel connected with the culture
and the language

also, Netflix has this 5 star rating system that helps you gamble less on movies
so we've been feeling good about renting Filipino movies as long as the ratings are pretty close to
4 stars

so yes, they have Filipino movies in Netflix
and no, we haven't seen any Filipino movies with 5 stars

anyway we rented a romantic Filipino movie from a director who's had a pretty good track record with us
he writes and directs all his movies, ala M. Night Shyamalan
and he also seems to infuse different influences in his writing and movie making

the movie we rented for valentines day
reminded me of Ang Lee
in his earlier works like The Wedding Banquet and Sense and Sensibility

it wasn't the stereotypical melodramatic yelling, overacting Filipino movie at all
it truly showed a more natural story
of how people, who care for each other, interact
and more specifically
how two people can eventually fall in-love

now, through my experience
when i imagine a story of Filipinos who have intertwined lives
i normally envision lots of affairs, betrayals and backstabbing
nothing that shows love, peace and harmony as i would hope
close relationships are about

but we watched this movie and were mesmerized at how "real" it was
there are still some corny and generic scenes for sure
but nothing that can't happen in real life

and instead of offering the stereotype of The Melodramatic Filipino Movies
the film maker, Jose Javier Reyes, offers us a line that succinctly contrasts the prejudice

As one character cries to her friend about her troubles
her friend consoles her and says "alam mo, tayo rin naman are gumagawa ng ating drama eh."

translated, this means "you know, it is us who complicate our own lives."

wow man. profound! astute!

i mean, that thought always lingered in my mind
but i never really ever heard that communicated out loud
and i never imagined hearing it for the first time
in a romantic Filipino movie

i've been liking the new generation of Filipino movie makers lately
granted, they are still not at the top of my list
but a few of them are getting up there

and thanks to Netflix
the Girl and I are able to gamble less
and actually enjoy a good romantic Filipino film
on Valentines day.

help us find her:
www.HelpFindVeronicaRuiz.com

it's close to midnight
and i can't bring myself to sleep

it's because i'm thinking about
extreme poverty
and third world country epidemics

every three seconds
a child dies
because he or she does not have enough food to eat
or is a victim of some poverty related disease

am i weird for thinking about something like this?

i ask because i seem to be the only one i know
who lets this sort of thing
keep him up

maybe i'm just making my situation
a bit more dramatic than it really is
just so i can have something to write about

i could just be doing this
so i can feel pretentiously compassionate

hopefully, there are other people that i know
who let these things keep them up at night
but are just more private about their thoughts

i don't really know

but i am here
late at night
and my mind can't stop thinking about them

every three seconds, man
every three seconds

and why do i feel so helpless?
i ask myself "what should i do?"
so i answer "why don't you donate some money to unicef or something?"
then some other part of me says "well if you donate to those places, your money's just gonna go to the people who administer the damn thing. your money's not even gonna get to a single child that you'd wanna feed."

then the argument ensues

then i imagine someone else coming in saying "well, you're thinking about those kids that you don't even know. how about your homeless cousin that's living in his car in san francisco? shouldn't you start there? or how about your relatives in the philippines that could really use the money? why don't you start with them?"

then i hear "well, they're probably not even gonna use it on food. mostly likely, your cousin will spend it on drugs, and your relatives in the philippines will gamble it away. it won't change their situation at all."

i mean, how crazy am i for thinking all these things?

by now i am going crazy with all these people in my head arguing about how i should donate the tiny amount of money that i feel i can donate to charity.

and as if i'm not going crazy enough. i hear another voice "how about writing to the government and telling them how you feel?"

so i pause.... is that really gonna do anything?
is that really the best thing i can do?

all parts of the conversation dies down....

then the thought is forgotten and my crazy conversations begin again...

and by the time i'm done writing this blog and i finally fall asleep....

well... i'm not that good at math
i can't even calculate how many kids would have died during the one or two hours that i'm wasting as i lay awake in the middle of the night
but it sure seems like alot. one hundred? two hundred?

by the time i finally fall asleep, would two hundred or so kids have died?

one every three seconds, man
that is just way too many isn't it?

http://www.one.org/

i am huffing and puffing
running by the lake near my home
i just got out of the gym
where i and others
continued the process
towards
strength, endurance, agility, and beauty


i noticed a few months ago that going to the gym and working out wasn't enough for me. i was gaining muscle but i wasn't loosing the fat that i wanted to loose. you see, besides getting stronger, i want to be more agile. and more chiseled. like Michelangelo's sculptures. it's one of the achievements i want to fulfill during my time here on earth.

so i started running
to get further along towards my achievement

and now here i am
huffing and puffing

laboring through my journey
looking ahead
trying to anticipate my course
trying to calculate my time
trying to maintain my speed
so that i can get to my house as soon as possible
so that i can finally rest

i look down at my watch
and i look up ahead


as i lift my eyes
i see a vintage bicycle
ridden leisurely by an elderly couple
the man, sitting on the front seat, slowly pedals while he speaks.
and the woman, sitting sideways behind him, listens with a most natural smile. they ride as if they have no where to go, no time to keep, no appointments to set, and... no more achievements to make.

i break my stride
i slow
and i stop
letting this beautiful
elderly couple ride by
i watch them diligently
in awe

wondering when
and how soon
in my lifetime
will i fulfill all my goals and achievements

so that i can finally achieve my ultimate
and final goal...
serenity.

right now
i'm feeling a bit apathetic
towards the visual arts

since i can remember
i have been creating visual art
drawing spaceships at 4 years old with my dad
drawing portraits of darth vadar and superheroes during grade school
painting in high school

i majored in painting and drawing in college
i was building myself to become a professional artist

then
after graduation
i stopped
i became easily swayed by different social diversions

but after a spiritual breakdown in a movie theater parking lot
where i sobbed like a baby who's lost his mother
i aimlessly wandered back into the artworld

years later
i am once again defined
as an artist

i have shows
i sell paintings
i have publications

i am
in most people's eyes
an artist

but i am feeling it again

this apathy

i guess, after all that i learned
as i clawed back into the artworld
i have grown disenchanted

"is this all there is?" i say to myself
"why am i not emotionally moved?"

you see, part of my journey
towards becoming a practicing artist
was to immerse myself in art

i had to look at other people's art
i had to see who was most heralded
what type of art was currently being appreciated
literally and financially

truly this would be the work that would inspire me to create
right?

as this year comes to an end
i evaluate my life and myself
which includes my art
and my relationship with my art

and i find myself uninspired by the visual arts
nothing out there moves me to tears
and makes me want to create paintings
and makes me proud to be an artist

i listen to music
and music moves me to tears
i watch films
and films move me to tears

i see the visual arts
and
nothing

nothing, man

is it possible that i'm really not in-love with the visual arts?
that i have been trying to strengthen a relationship
that i'm really not spiritually bonded to anymore?

should i have been a musician?
or a film maker?

was the visual arts something that accompanied me
through my younger years
but is now something
that i no longer have feelings for?

and i created the songs
this is what my band would have been
http://www.onerepublic.net/

as my uncle Boyette would say
"this here... is what gets the panties off!"

I spent my entire lunch break watching different versions of this song on youtube.


i don't know what to say. through her performances of this song, she makes me feel a sweet sorrow of heartache and longing. not that i want to feel that way, but feeling that way somehow makes me feel more alive. it must be amazing to have the ability to raise people's emotions that way.

Sure we argue

But it’s about who gets to embrace

Who the most

Yeah we scream

But it’s always under the covers

Over the sound of the television

I’m not sure

If there is something we’re missing

Could we be too inexperienced to know?

I look around and see

That everyone else is having trouble

Making me wonder

If our love is too good to be true

too good to be true

Our disagreements

Are on who gets to drive who

To the sand or the city

I find it easy to laugh at our petty problems

As we solve them

Could be we’re crazy?

Cause

I’m not sure

If there is something we’re missing

Could we be too inexperienced to know?

I look around and see

That everyone else is having trouble

Making me wonder

If our love is too good to be true

Maybe we have seen the worst

No, we haven’t seen it

No no no, we haven't

But we’ll be ready

And maybe we have yet seen the best