Etch-A-Sketch

for those of you who have been keeping up with me
you know that i've been all about taking a break from painting and art
and i've been trying to get into a few other hobbies that i enjoy

i sometimes ask myself "what for?.. why spend time on something that's not going to make you the best at that particular thing?"

it's kinda one of those guilty feelings that taps my shoulder and tells me that hobbies are just a waste of time because they do not lead to more money or recognition.

money and recognition

i noticed that those are the two things that people care mostly about when they think about someone's worth...

oh oops. sorry. i digress...

i'm supposed to be talking about basketball.

so while i'm taking a break from painting, i'm trying to learn a few other things that hopefully makes me a more well rounded person.

1) i joined the church choir with wifey.
2) i'm messing around with the ukelele
3) i'm trying to get better at basketball

so like i said, i don't think any of these are going to change my stature in society
but they sure make me happy

i'd like to talk about the choir and the ukelele a little later. but right now i got a video of a basketball game that i played with some 30-40 year old dudes in Hayward. we meet at around 9AM every Saturday morning and we play until about 12 noon. one of the guys decided to start recording the games for posterity and now we got more that 50 videos of our old, slow butts playing half court hoops!

In this video, my team and i were losing by alot of points until we finally started making a comeback. Billy (wearing a white headband), nicknamed Billysimo, led the the team as he panted and coughed up phlem while the rest of us were trying to hold our own.
PART I


PART II


boy, life can sure be fun.

"i've never loved anything as much as he loves music."

http://movies.yahoo.com/premieres/9672091/standardformat/

there is just
so much to learn
so much

so much that i feel like my

heart will explode in excitement
and frustration

this world offers so much
to learn

i hope i have time

sometimes
my sensitivity takes advantage of me

and sometimes
the air that i breathe ends up suffocating me

and my heart feels bruised and battered
and my soul is torn and tattered

and i can't live in this crazy world
anymore

bridge:
but i take comfort in you
i seek shelter in your voice and cry
into your shoulder

i take comfort in you
as you hold me close and whisper

"it's alright. it'll soon be over."

refrain:
in your arms is where i heal
in your arms is where i find clarity
i see through tears
brave through my fears
until i'm ready to face
the world again

bridge 2:
and your words
they fill my soul
like cool fresh air

they fill my soul
and help me breathe
you help me breathe again

refrain:
in your arms is where i heal
in your arms is where i find clarity
i see through tears
brave through my fears
until i'm ready to face
the world again

I'm really glad Jim Carrey's back
http://www.yesisthenewno.com/

I can't wait to laugh out loud

- i injured my left foot running 9 miles, walking around Seattle and playing basketball. so i'm trying to rehab and i stopped running. but it's so hard to live without my saturday morning bball. so i'm thinking about maybe changing my my usual pivot foot from my left to my right

- i'm trying really hard to complete some paintings for a new show that i'm working on. it's tough being an artist while having a day job man. it's hard! but i'm trying man, i'm trying. dang... i'm working on a solution, but i might not see the results until later... much later... in the meantime... i'm exhausted.

- it's getting more difficult to hang out with my buddies. we're all married and trying to be adults. i think we all feel guilty whenever we think about going out and having fun when there are other, more responsible things to do. anyway, i notice some friends trying to reach out and nurture our friendships, so i thank them for that. i'm trying too.

- last weekend, i went to the nike outlet in vacaville and bought two bball shoes: the Zoom Air BBs and the Air Max Force 180s. i'm really excited to use them, but what sux is that my freakin left foot is injured man!!! i can't go full force (not the samantha fox version)!!!

it was around 11pm on a sunday night
i was in bed with the wifey

she was fallin asleep while reading a book and
i was foolin around with the myspace karaoke

i'm so glad i'm not a professional
cause my singing needs alot of work
but below is what i came up with

this one's for my sweety
http://ksolo.myspace.com/actions/showSongProfile.do?rid=139111&sid=23036&uid=2091639

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew,
I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age

And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out,
I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore'

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKriei3PZug

Question: how many ears does mr. spock have?
Answer: three.
the right ear
the left ear
and
the final

front ear

Question: what do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards?
Answer: a receding hareline

is this thing on (taps on the mic)?

yes. humor. thank you. i'm here every evening.

don't forget to tip your bartender on your way out.

i remember you
and the way you made me feel

see the thing is
nothing ever really happened

but i think about you
and how you made me feel
whenever i saw you

reminicence reminds me
of how you looked at me
like you longed for me

but i didn't notice until now

could it be
that i see
a little differently
now that time has passed

i know things might be a bit hazy
and out of place
but i think there was something
something going on
and that maybe we can pick it up where we left it off

So for Valentines Day
the Girl and I decided to watch a romantic Filipino movie

from an american perspective
we've historically considered filipino romantic movies subpar
for the most part, it seems like they are hastily made
and with more focus on featuring celebrities and lots of melodramatic
shouting and arguing
rather that creative storytelling and dialogue

but once in a while, we'll rent one from Netflix
just so we can somehow feel connected with the culture
and the language

also, Netflix has this 5 star rating system that helps you gamble less on movies
so we've been feeling good about renting Filipino movies as long as the ratings are pretty close to
4 stars

so yes, they have Filipino movies in Netflix
and no, we haven't seen any Filipino movies with 5 stars

anyway we rented a romantic Filipino movie from a director who's had a pretty good track record with us
he writes and directs all his movies, ala M. Night Shyamalan
and he also seems to infuse different influences in his writing and movie making

the movie we rented for valentines day
reminded me of Ang Lee
in his earlier works like The Wedding Banquet and Sense and Sensibility

it wasn't the stereotypical melodramatic yelling, overacting Filipino movie at all
it truly showed a more natural story
of how people, who care for each other, interact
and more specifically
how two people can eventually fall in-love

now, through my experience
when i imagine a story of Filipinos who have intertwined lives
i normally envision lots of affairs, betrayals and backstabbing
nothing that shows love, peace and harmony as i would hope
close relationships are about

but we watched this movie and were mesmerized at how "real" it was
there are still some corny and generic scenes for sure
but nothing that can't happen in real life

and instead of offering the stereotype of The Melodramatic Filipino Movies
the film maker, Jose Javier Reyes, offers us a line that succinctly contrasts the prejudice

As one character cries to her friend about her troubles
her friend consoles her and says "alam mo, tayo rin naman are gumagawa ng ating drama eh."

translated, this means "you know, it is us who complicate our own lives."

wow man. profound! astute!

i mean, that thought always lingered in my mind
but i never really ever heard that communicated out loud
and i never imagined hearing it for the first time
in a romantic Filipino movie

i've been liking the new generation of Filipino movie makers lately
granted, they are still not at the top of my list
but a few of them are getting up there

and thanks to Netflix
the Girl and I are able to gamble less
and actually enjoy a good romantic Filipino film
on Valentines day.

help us find her:
www.HelpFindVeronicaRuiz.com

it's close to midnight
and i can't bring myself to sleep

it's because i'm thinking about
extreme poverty
and third world country epidemics

every three seconds
a child dies
because he or she does not have enough food to eat
or is a victim of some poverty related disease

am i weird for thinking about something like this?

i ask because i seem to be the only one i know
who lets this sort of thing
keep him up

maybe i'm just making my situation
a bit more dramatic than it really is
just so i can have something to write about

i could just be doing this
so i can feel pretentiously compassionate

hopefully, there are other people that i know
who let these things keep them up at night
but are just more private about their thoughts

i don't really know

but i am here
late at night
and my mind can't stop thinking about them

every three seconds, man
every three seconds

and why do i feel so helpless?
i ask myself "what should i do?"
so i answer "why don't you donate some money to unicef or something?"
then some other part of me says "well if you donate to those places, your money's just gonna go to the people who administer the damn thing. your money's not even gonna get to a single child that you'd wanna feed."

then the argument ensues

then i imagine someone else coming in saying "well, you're thinking about those kids that you don't even know. how about your homeless cousin that's living in his car in san francisco? shouldn't you start there? or how about your relatives in the philippines that could really use the money? why don't you start with them?"

then i hear "well, they're probably not even gonna use it on food. mostly likely, your cousin will spend it on drugs, and your relatives in the philippines will gamble it away. it won't change their situation at all."

i mean, how crazy am i for thinking all these things?

by now i am going crazy with all these people in my head arguing about how i should donate the tiny amount of money that i feel i can donate to charity.

and as if i'm not going crazy enough. i hear another voice "how about writing to the government and telling them how you feel?"

so i pause.... is that really gonna do anything?
is that really the best thing i can do?

all parts of the conversation dies down....

then the thought is forgotten and my crazy conversations begin again...

and by the time i'm done writing this blog and i finally fall asleep....

well... i'm not that good at math
i can't even calculate how many kids would have died during the one or two hours that i'm wasting as i lay awake in the middle of the night
but it sure seems like alot. one hundred? two hundred?

by the time i finally fall asleep, would two hundred or so kids have died?

one every three seconds, man
that is just way too many isn't it?

http://www.one.org/

i am huffing and puffing
running by the lake near my home
i just got out of the gym
where i and others
continued the process
towards
strength, endurance, agility, and beauty


i noticed a few months ago that going to the gym and working out wasn't enough for me. i was gaining muscle but i wasn't loosing the fat that i wanted to loose. you see, besides getting stronger, i want to be more agile. and more chiseled. like Michelangelo's sculptures. it's one of the achievements i want to fulfill during my time here on earth.

so i started running
to get further along towards my achievement

and now here i am
huffing and puffing

laboring through my journey
looking ahead
trying to anticipate my course
trying to calculate my time
trying to maintain my speed
so that i can get to my house as soon as possible
so that i can finally rest

i look down at my watch
and i look up ahead


as i lift my eyes
i see a vintage bicycle
ridden leisurely by an elderly couple
the man, sitting on the front seat, slowly pedals while he speaks.
and the woman, sitting sideways behind him, listens with a most natural smile. they ride as if they have no where to go, no time to keep, no appointments to set, and... no more achievements to make.

i break my stride
i slow
and i stop
letting this beautiful
elderly couple ride by
i watch them diligently
in awe

wondering when
and how soon
in my lifetime
will i fulfill all my goals and achievements

so that i can finally achieve my ultimate
and final goal...
serenity.