Mabuhay!
Am in Manila right now and have exactly 30 minutes in the Internet Cafe to check email. write email and blog.
Got here at 4am this morning but people in Manila were already out and about. Kids begin school (as in classes begin) as early as 6:15am, so we saw lots of kids on the way to school. Imagine that!!! I can't even get up at 6:15 to get to work, much less be in a classroom at 6:15.
The place where I am at is a mix of urban and rural development. Lots of squatter homes with tin roof homes etc as well as brick and concrete homes. Am living in one of the brick and concrete ones fortunately, but stepping out of the little alley where I am at, one can see people eating, washing, bathing along the streets.
A half hour drive away and we're lo and behold in the largest mall in Asia, rightly named the Mega Mall, where the internet cafe is located. Doesn't look any different than Serramonte Mall in Daly City.
So far so good. Will blog as soon as am able to do so again and post pics. People are waiting for me.

woahh... this new blogger thing is weird. Had this fantastic blog in my head about the weather today, but this thing is so new and strange I have to stop a while and look at it.

Did everyone get the new and updated blogger thingy?

It is so fucking hot today in SF. And I mean totally fucking hot. Was at Irish Bank today but took off when I saw a multitude of bodies pressed together in that small alley. And this is how hot it is. Can't stand too close to another person cos the body heat will probably make me pass out. Not to mention the b.o. too from all that prespiration.

Would write some more, but I think it's time for more ice cold beer

It's 3 days to the Philippines... and for the first time, I'm actually getting excited about it. I'm excited because I haven't been there in over 20 years and frankly, I don't remember much the first time. My dad used to work in Manila and all I remember is that we had a huge bungalow on a hill and I used to roll down the hill just for kicks. (Maybe that's why I'm so messed up). Will set up one of those photo links so you can follow the story :)... esp with my new snazzy digital camera.

I want to write to tell you that I've been blue lately. Not sad blue, or depressed blue, but melancholically annoyed blue. What does that mean? It means I'm fidgety, unsettled, irritated and sad at the same time. I have, by all analysis, a supposed great life. Job, car, rent control, work satisfaction, friends and even a blog. And to top it off, prospects even. Job prospects that is. And as I recently told someone, I have essentially accomplised all that I dreamed of as a kid, But now what? I don't know. Get a 4th degree maybe? Go to Law School? I feel like I'm stuck on Everest, with no sense really of achievement and no idea of what will propel me ahead or forward or back down. It's a sweet spot, but I hate sitting still.

And then there's the matter of a boy who keeps coming in and out of my life. A secret addiction I keep to myself. I'm not on crack, but believe me, I feel every high and low of it. I keep hoping that someone else would take his place. You know, sorta like those nicotine patches to help me tide over these needs. That however, is a been there done that story. Rebounds, as we all know, don't work. All this apathy towards other boys... not helping when I go out on dates... that is if I can even find a date.

I think I'd like to be rich now. Like millionaire rich now. Money doesn't buy happiness. But I think it'll give me something to do at least in stead of just moping around.

In a week and a day, I leave for the Philippines to begin my thesis. Will be there for 4 weeks to gather data for this massive project that started two years ago. And as predicted by other PhD students and MA students doing the same thing, have become very burnt out on the topic. Not jaded. Still feel passionately for the topic, but am definitely on the brink of throwing all my research out the window and watching the wind catch single leaflets and fly them around. Just for the fun of it. That would be such a cool scene in a film with all that surreal overbearing music in a scene with no dialogue. Like that scene from Wender's Wings of Desire and Damiel just staring down looking at the city, wondering what mortality would be like.

It's two weeks before I head off to the philippines. Somehow am not very excited to be going on this trip. Have a sudden desire to just simply laze at home and do nothing. Close friends are flying back to the bay area and I'd be missing them all.
Spent the weekend in Tahoe. Was beautiful. Am not a ski bunny so have never been there, except ten years ago when my parents took a detour from our trip to Reno. Rented a gorgeous cabin with wood beam ceilings, bbq and a hot tub. Was spectacular just hanging out in the cabin. Water in the lake was cool and relaxing. Kayaked til my hands were sore. Would definitely do this again. Maybe take a whole week off and just cruise in the cabin.

The NJ Devils won the cup. Not very into hockey, but am happy that they won instead of Anaheim. It's stupid, and I know that the Ducks are an entirely different entity than the Angels, but am sitting here, still, pouting over the Angels' win in last year's World Series. Don't know why they get to me so much. Probably cos they first beat my Yankees and then after that beat the Giants. They robbed me of my World Series parade/ win/ celebrations. So anyway, am very happy that Anaheim LOST. Stupid Ducks. The Ducks and the Angels. How much more Disney can that be?
Hoping it will be a double celebration for Jersey since the Nets are playing the Spurs in the NBA finals. It's about time that state won something. And then maybe that karma will trickle over across the Washington Bridge over to the Bronx and get my Yankees back on track. We gotta beat Boston man... even if we don't win the WS.

It's such a luxury to just work... and not worry about classes. For the past week, I've been plopping myself on the couch at 6pm wondering what in the world I should do for 4 hours before I go to bed. Have taken to reading the following books: Wuthering Heights, Tipping the Velvet and the Tipping Point. Have also been watching Sex and the City Season 4 on DVD, only to realize that HBO cheated us by showing repeats from season 1-3 on season 4. Now, I've seen season 1-3 on DVD, and can definitely tell that some of the episodes in this current repackaged as season 4 dvd are REPEATS. Jerks.

In other news, I've put up my SLUT pic on friendster. So if you really really want to see what I look like, on a good slutty day, it's all up on friendster. .

I'm sorry to say but I missed the friendster party last night. Was a chance to meet all these people who are separated from me by x degrees of separation. Anyway, 2 of my friends, who are my real world friends (as opposed to cyberspace, virtual, AIM only type friends), and happen to also be on friendster, chickened out on going because they thought that the clash of the online world and real world could be calamatous. Sorta like Michael J. Fox meeting himself in Back To the Future. These two worlds cannot collide.

bah humbbug. Voodoo put the comments link in yesterday, and it worked last night. Today it doesn't. Today it says, "a runtime error has occured, do you wish to debug".
What the hell is a runtime error? What am I debugging?
arrgghh....

Bad karma I tell you. Need to get rid of this bad bad karma. Maybe my blog fengshui is bad. hmm.

What is love? Just what is it? How do you know the man sitting next to you loves you? How do you know you love him? Because he said, I love you, last night, before you went to bed? Was it because he gave you that rock on your fourth finger? Or maybe he bought you flowers and made you a cute card last week? How do you know? Maybe you could say, you don�t know and you�re going to find out. And really at �death do you part� you realize that was worth it after all, I loved the man and he loved me. But what if it doesn�t turn out that way? What if at that point it really was not all worth it? That you didn�t really love the chap after all, but spent the last 30-40 years with him and even bore his kids? Or what if you did, but the chap didn�t after all. And all these years he�d been lying to you, could not bring himself to tell you the truth? What if he�d cheated on you time and time again and you didn�t know about it until at deathbed? Would that have been worth it? Maybe I�m too young to ponder the deathbed stuff. What if the guy you�re with just thinks you�re a good fuck and that�s all the reason he�s still with you? Even if he climbs into bed with you every night and kisses your forehead and says I love you, how do you know it�s just you and no one else? How do you know he really loves you? Well, you should just give it a shot anyway� who knows? That�s right! Who knows? Is all this back and forth, here�s my life story, hold my hand, kiss my cheek, do you want to see me naked, oh I love you now� really I do� worth the time? when in the end� you never really know.

Is it really worth pining after, crying over, missing, loving a man?

And please don�t tell me that when it happens I�ll know. Famous last words of the newly divorced.

test..

just did voodoo on the html..tsk tsk, bad mooncake! all is well.

Voodoo

fucked this thing up again!!!!

blah

I'm starting to think that I've truly missed the boat. Truly. And is probably a good thing that I come to accept that now than to contiuously deceive myself into thinking that it's just not here yet. Indeed.
I'm twenty seven years old, have had 4 serious boyfriends, the first three offering rings and promises of marriage to me except I felt like I was choking in a relationship rather than on cloud nine when all that happened. Truth be told, i had three shots at this long term thing and I airballed all of them. No, wait... that's not true either... I didn't airball them at all. I just told the umpire I wasn't going to take any of those shots.
And then the fourth shot... well... on that one, they raised the basket so high, I doubt I'm ever going to reach it.
So while everyone's off on their sailboats to lifetime relationship land, I think I might just step off the dock and go explore someplace else. Boat doesn't look like it's coming.

How very strange, yesterday's blog didn't get posted and was mysteriously deleted. hmmm... maybe there's a poltergeist in cyberspace.