Oh well.. this ain't the best template but it will have to do for now, before I go fucking insane trying to deal with HTML. Whatever. When I get the time I'll figure it out. WIll be on my ever growing summer to do list.

Weekend was spent outdoors despite schizo SF weather. Why can't it be just hot or cold. It's always half and half. But despite the cold, have acquired rather ugly tanlines from running. I'm very slow these days, but it's the distance not the speed that counts rite? I ran from my place through the presidio then through the marina before walking back. The bus never came, so I had to hike uphill back to my place. I have paisley white upper thighs...well not all that paisley since I was born with brown skin anyhow, tanned knees and calves and yea, you guessed it, paisley white feet. Which I suppose could be a turn on if you're into the foot fetish thing, but I'm not. Sailing the next day did not help either. Choppy choppy weather and the boats were keeling while we hiked out... think Thomas Crown affair and that infamous boat scene. Was awesome, feeling the boat fly through the air and sea as you hang half your body out of the boat. Except afterwards, when I got home, was horribly seasick the rest of the day. Could not look at a screen or do anything worthwhile.

I promise to put the links back on asap, if you promise to continue reading my blog even though it has a shitty template. I'll try to find a new one before summer is over. If you see one, send it to me! My only requirement, is that it has to be PINK... or Yellow... happy colors basically. Not sad blue ones like this one.

Love mooncake

Totally fucked up my blog settings. Will figure out what's going on... as soon as ms Voodoo HTML queen teaches me how to.

-----------------------------------------------
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE


Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an
American
University.

____________________________________________________________________


"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting
to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will
then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.


Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to
keep
the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and
anything
you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over
when
both agree a concusion has been reached."


The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca-last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.


------------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
keep
her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So
chamomile was out of the question.


----------------------------------------------------
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the
direct
hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he
felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of
her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must
one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.


---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human
race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian
ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize
the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid,
Laurie
and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on
the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"


----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.


----------------------------------------------------------
(gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh
no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels."


---------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)
Asshole.
----------------------------------------------------------
(gary)
Bitch.
----------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)
Wanker.
----------------------------------------------------------
(gary)
slut.
---------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)
Get f*cked.
----------------------------------------------------------
(gary)
Eat sh*t.
--------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
(gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
**********************************************
(teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.

mooncake: and there you have it. why men and women can never get along.

People always worry about the unknown. I used to chide my mother for that, especially when I moved to the US. My mother worried about everything. That there would be no Chinese food here, that I would be mugged, that I would somehow not be able to find friends and settle in.
Lo and behold, the tides are turned now. I worry. I've been worrying about all the many things that are going on in my hometown and in Asia in general because I have so many friends there. I worry that the war will hit Singapore, because it is in a predominantly Muslim area, I worry about misguided anti-American sentiments... and more recently I worry about SARS. Friends and family tell me it's not as horrible as the media makes it out to be, and that life still has to go on. When I don't hear from my family or friends who live in Singapore and HK for more than 4-5 days, the anxiety level rises and I can't help but think the worst.
When I was 21, I got dengue fever. I spent 3 days in ICU because I could not eat, or drink, was dehydrated and haemoglobin count was way below the lowest possible rates. They could not drug me because there was no drug for it, and the only thing that could be done was to put me on an IV drip, blood and plasma transfusions and hope that I get better. My parents were with me 24/7 by my bedside. That's all I can remember from the three days...that and puking my guts out non stop. Dengue is non contagious (unless you get bitten by a carrier mosquito like I did), and I can't imagine what it would have been like without someone I loved with me. I can't possibly imagine being quaratined away from everything you know while you're trying to make it through some shitty ass disease.
Maybe it really isn't as bad as it they say it is in HK and Singapore, but the anxiety from reading the papers, and not hearing from friends and family is just short of a full blown anxiety attack that arises from the fear of losing loved ones and being the helpless bystander.

I just spilt milk. And mean that literally... maybe metaphorically, but for now, just literally. Am not crying about it... but don't want to do anything about it really. I sat for a split second watching the milk seep into the carpet... just watched the white disappear into the maroon carpet. Felt like one of those art flick movie moments, where it's all supposed to mean something- perhaps a precursor to a huge climax or some symbolic allegory.
But something in me made me get up for a towel to wipe it all up.

Had originally envisioned a restful easter, but instead is turning out to be a v. v. busy one.
Friday: had to accomplish a million errands and one, since it was a day off. Managed to squeeze a pedicure and some reading time in the Marina, before heading out to the East Bay to look at lofts and to get some shopping done at Ikea. Later in the evening, had dinner with friends before heading home. Heard for the umpteenth time that friends K and M had broken up. But was fortunately too tired to pay attention.
Saturday: 8am at the docks, rigging the boats out. Pretty day out, but the winds were too light and it was low tide. Butt and thighs hurt from jibing exercises. Had afternoon to self, but ended up studying while watching Grease on tv. 7pm call time at church for choir rehearsal. Was a three hour long mass. 18 people were baptised and confirmed. My throat was as sore as my butt and thighs were by the time it was over. Choir director looked terribly stressed and could tell he was on the brink of yelling at us; but he kept his cool. Kinda hard to sing Mozart perfectly when you've only rehearsed it once. Was all good once we got out there... somehow, performance adrenalin kicks in and you start to read the right notes at the right time.
Sunday: 8:30am call time... exhausting. V. exhausted by now. Was supposed to be up by 7am so I could get hair done and pick out what I wanted to wear. Instead woke up half and hour late (snooze does not work anymore), Choir director said easter colors. Red looked pretty easterly to me... wore short red dress... first thing I saw out of wardrobe. Was outstanding today... and I really mean outstanding. People wore lavender, pinks and yellows... yea, easter colors... and long flowy dresses. Oh yes, forget that was also supposed to look somewhat demure. Had possibly the shortest hemline in the 20-35 age group. Thank God, legs were moisturized and nicely tanned from sailing yesterday. Am supposed to go to brunch in an hour.... this is exhausting

Today's list is entitled: Why SF is fantastic!

1) Victorian doll houses and bay windows.
2) I get to live in one.
3) You can go anywhere from here: Tahoe, Yosemite, the Farallons
4) Sailing in the bay
5) Liberal Democracy
6) Sushi that's even better than Tokyo's... and affordable too!
7) Certainly isn't San Jose
8) The rugby team that plays year round outside my office window.
9) Napa
10) All my friends.

Was out in the boat today wondering what list I should compile, and after seeing etch's comment, felt this was appropriate. Haven't really given SF it's due credit. Am making all these plans for the summer: sailing in the bay and camping out in Yosemite; would not really be doing it if I wasn't out here.

Is easter tomorrow, and am thankful for all that I have and have not.

Today's list is entitled: Why SF is not for me.

1) It is ALWAYS foggy
2) It's ALWAYS cold
3) About half the men here are gay. (Note: nothing against the gay brothers, just halves my chances of meeting dateable men... )
4) Everything closes at 2am
5) Rent.
6) Downtown's kinda boring
7) Chinatown's kinda lame
8) Too many hills
9) Everything is too far apart
10) We get no summer, or winter, or spring, or fall.

This week, will blog a bunch of lists, and I encourage you to make all these lists as well, since they have proven to be v.therepeutic and effective with my students/patients/ clients.

This list is entitled: The next guy I date.

The next guy I date will:
1. pick me up for our first date
2. pick me up for our first date in his car
3. sit through a saturday afternoon of simultaneous baseball games on TV with me
4. have some sense of world geography, ie: will not ask if Singapore is part of China
5. be interesting at least for drinks

(1) and (2) are extremely important as I have not been met at my door, or picked up on a date since moving to public transportation friendly San Francisco. Would like to vaguely remember what that feels like.
(3) is the "what's it really like to hang out with Mooncake?" If you can't swing that, kinda hard to go past first base you know.
(4)I cannot be more turned off by anything than a guy who doesn't know his geography
(5) Ever had a guy talk to you about everything and the kitchen sink over your martini? At least make the kitchen sink an interesting story.

Thought this list would be wayy longer, but when I actually wrote it, realized that am not really asking for a lot. Very little in fact. Which may well be my problem after all.

I miss my guy. He's no longer with me but I miss him anyway and hold him very very close to me all the time. Just can't seem to let go no matter how hard I try. It gets easier yes after a while, but when I look deep within, the feelings haven't gone away. Sometimes I think, well nothing's going to come out of this, or, maybe you should see more people, date more.But just isn't the same... nothing has the the depth, or breadth or the dimensions of what I feel for my guy. Even if I settled for second best... meeting the second best just doesn't seem to be easy or possible.

Wonder if anyone out there will agree with me that it's easier for men to find a woman to settle down than it is for women to find a guy to be with. Have a few male friends who through the years have remained bachelors because they didn't know what they wanted, wanted to play the field or simply weren't ready. One fine day they tell me that they're ready, or that they think it's time to settle. Bam! They're instantly taken. It's almost like shopping for shoes. Like you need a black pair of heels, you go to Macy's and you buy a pair. It's that easy!
That never seems to be the case with women. The good cases I hear are accidental (ie: had no idea it would happen to me!), or habitual (ie: known each other since a billion years ago) and the bad ones are meeting the jerks, married men, men with girlfriends, or worse, meeting my bachelor friends at their "player" stage in their lives.
Such coordination failure! Am convinced that will never find a mate at this rate. Ever!

Don't know how anyone could possibly watch The Bachelor. Every time I catch snippets, I just want to cringe and throw up. I also make mental notes to self never to act as desparate as the women on it.
"I really think he's the guy for me"
"He's awesome"
"Here I am putting my heart out for him and I don't think he's doing the same"
How anyone could possibly think of getting on TV with 14 other women and come out with a husband/ boyfriend/ maybe a relationship simply blows my mind.
Surely at least one is rational and can say, um, this probably isn't going to work out even if I won the final rose. Or at least I would hope so.

Am watching Annie Hall right now. Trying to get destressed from all the work that I've had to do.
Am a new Woody Allen fan. Really. Never watched his films until maybe 6 months ago, beginning with Manhattan. Everything is so dysfunctional and neurotic that it's almost normal. And for a man who is so physically not hot, just his wit alone is enough to make you masturbate over him.
Back to the movie.

My schedule this week is a ticket to hell and maybe back. Have 3 deadlines this week just for school. One: Growth report on Ghana due today. Two: Regression analyses due Thursday. Three: Human Subjects application due Friday. On top of that, have to be up in the middle of the night to call the Philippines. Oh Joy.
Was online and on the phone with partner for first project last night until midnite. He sounded very very pissed that things weren't done as quickly as they should. Ugh... what do you expect? We BOTH work full time and go to school full time. And he's in LA this week. My motto when the shit hits the fan is: the shit's already hit the fan. Just go get a brush and beging scrubbing. No sense screaming at the shit that's all over the place already.

Last night went to a party at a bar in Port Costa. Until last night, had no idea that this town existed in the bay area vicinity at all. As we were driving to Port Costa, was surprised at the numerous small towns just 30 miles north of SF. It is technically a short drive, minus the traffic... about 30-45 mins, but a world of difference. Port Costa is near Crockett and is located right on the Delta. 100 years ago, if you were sailing up to Sacramento on a steam ship up river, you would have seen it.

The bar was the only local watering hole but is infamous for tart drinks and serving over 200 types of beer. They even have Czech beer, which is impressive. The interior looks like one of those western bars, with huge lamps, from the gold mining era, large bar counter, and swinging doors, where you'd sorta expect someone like Clint Eastwood to walk in in his boots and spurs. The bathrooms, oh I have to mention the bathrooms! When you walk into the bathrooms, you see all the cubicles and no doors. And this city girl stood flabbergasted for about 30 seconds. There were no doors. I suppose this wouldn't reall be a problem for the men, but I kinda like my privacy when doing my own business... and I don't think I'm the only woman out there like that. Between a 30 minute ride home with a full bladder, or doing it without a door, I chose the latter. I don't think I ever prayed to pee quickly before until last night.

Outside the bar is a huge deck, where most people hung out smoking and enjoying the stars and view of the entire delta. The neat thing is that they even provide the blankets so you can actually sit outside during a regular bay area night (which, without a blanket, would certainly induce hypothermia). Apparently there is a steak barbeque this Sunday out on this deck, if weather permits. That, right now, sounds like a marvelous idea.

This bar, apparently is the place where my friend K and her now bf, M, had their first date. But we're not supposed to say it's their first date, because they were only hanging out... whatever! One hot saturday afternoon, they both drove out here, swam in the river and then hung out at the bar for the rest of the day. That, I suppose, was the beginning of an illustrious affair.

As great as this place was, I could not enjoy myself. I always have a certain anxiety attack that gets triggered by being in small towns. I feel trapped in them. Last night, I did not drive there as I was hoping to drink myself silly. When I got there, however, was struck by how tiny and inaccessible this town was. There is a winding 3-mile road you have to take in order to get here from the freeway. There are no buses, cabs and was not about to walk in the freezing cold to the 80. I watched the designated driver down 3 drinks and decided that even though I can't drive a stick, I was going to stay sober in case we got stuck here. Yes, I am ever the city girl. Middle of nowhere scares the shit out of me.

Some people, however, were excited about this quaint little town. About half the people in the party, were going to stay across the street at the local "hotel" which I am told used to be the brothel that serviced this bar. Yes, think Clint Eastwood getting a drink here and then walking across the street with his damsel for a good time. That's what this place was. Was invited to stay over, but decided I did not want to cramp into a room with another 6 people on a bed fit for 2. Could be interesting, but clean sheets and my own bed are much more tempting.

Maybe will come back here one of these days since hotel prices are $29 a night. For a gorgeous view and fantastic beer, might be a good idea. But I'll be certain to drive... so I can get out when I want.

So, I have a crush on my professor. Is that classic or what? He's probably old enough to be my father, rich enough to be a sugar daddy, obnoxiously bad boy enough for me to be totally smitten. Yes, I have a problem with obnoxious bad boys. Seems to be my fatal flaw. Before I turned 24, I was totally into boy-next-door types. Yea, have had three bfs like that. Then was told by good friend K to explore the scene. Well now... as it seems I now am on the other end of the spectrum with the age thing and with the type of guy. They all get older and older... and badder and badder (if that is a word).
So the prof has an obssession with muscle cars, is a total narcissist, and is always in your face about economics. Complete belief that economists have the ultimate contriubution to the real world (minus maybe medical doctors) and thinks everything else is superfluous. He's 100x more arrogant than the most arrogant person you know. And he used "damn" maybe about 13 times in class today.

Am finding now, what an incentive it is to have many problems with my regression analyses... just so I can make use of those office hours :)

My question for the day: How is it that boys get turned on watching two girls kiss, and girls don't get turned on watching two boys kiss?

Today, I woke up and the sun was shining in my face. It was nice and hot and decidedly a good SF day. Put on the capris, 3/4 sleeved shirt and cute sweater with yellow buttons on them. Had the sunglasses going as well while I walked to work. In the middle of the day however, the fog blew in and my ankles started to shiver. Regretted instantly not bringing the scarf, hat and gloves. An hour later, it poured. And it poured hard, like it would never end. By 4pm however, the sun came back up, even in my neighborhood, the 2nd foggiest in SF, and made the roads and grass all shiny as the raindrops glistened. How pretty, I thought.
And that was good enough an excuse not to do laundry but to sit and relax the evening away... and maybe attempt some homework.

This blog totally speaks to me!
Pathetic!