"I got the Hookup"

You ever heard a person say, "Hey... If you need something at (This place where I work), just call and I'll hook you up.".... Honestly, I've said this before to people and I've heard this back to me many times. I've come to realize that most people say they'll hook you up, if the job is right, but so many times people don't. I'll actually hear people repeat this on a number of occasions about them hooking you up with a free movie or a discount at their store with their employee discount....

A typical Example:
I hear my boy, "D" tell me he got a job at a store and that if I want to buy something to give him a call. I hear him again talk about it to everyone at our next gathering. I hear him talk about how cheap things are and what he's bought at another events. He continuously talks to all of us about "gettin our asses in the store" to get our choice of stuff at such a discount..

After a while, I decide I need a certain item his store sells... I ask him, "You still got that hookup? Would it be cool if I get something?"

"Hell yeah!" he says and reaffirms that he is more than cool with me doing that and to come in the store...

Then the story really begins....

I roll in there and take your pick...
- he's busy that day.. come back another time.
- his boss is there, so he can't do it.
- He's not answering his phone or avoiding me.
- "someone" else at the job did this and they got in trouble, so he can't do it.
- He totally forgets he was gonna hook you up and does nothing.
- The Discount is not much, so it won't be worth it to hook me up.
- ______________ (Fill in your own experience of Bull Shit)

So, my point is this: People love to talk, in public, about how much they can do for everyone and their stock goes up in many people's eyes... But, usually, they are bluffing. Most people won't call them on this bluff. But people like me, who are trying to expose people (and because I'm cheap) are gonna call that bluff everytime. I've found that a small number of them actually do hook you up... And the one's who do will stop announcing that they can do it in the future....

Just something for you all to take a look at in the future... When someone says they "Got the hookup", they are usually full of shit and trying to just look good in front of you or others.... See how real they are, then see if their stock goes up or down.... My bet is that it will go DOWN!

"If it's too good to be true, usually it is"

Last... If you Offer and offer and offer and practically beg me to come into your store and I do.... you better hook me up, like advertised..... Don't even think of gettin pissed at me for causing you hardship just by asking for a hookup! I've actually had people get pissed at me for calling after being told of a potential hookup? Wa da Fu?

Call these people on their BS bluffs of hookups... Show to everyone, in your circle, that this person is full of it... Then, after that, only the Real hookups will show themselves. Good luck.

YELLOW MAN'S BURDEN


I was up late last night and happened to catch the late night episode of Oprah (I know, i can't imagine me watching Oprah either so deal with it). Anyway Tom Cruise was pushing his movie The Last Samurai. After watching clips of the film and listening to him brag that the Japanese Bushido code or "way of the warrior" fit in his own idea as a person, I started to get this sinking feeling

The script of the film can be found here: http://www.script-fix.com/pages/6/index.htm

For those waiting to watch the movie or are too lazy to read the script here's my unashamedly biased synopsis:

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(MAJOR SPOILER ALERT)

It's the late 1800's and Japan is going though a period known as the Meiji Restoration where the old feudal system is quickly being replaced with a bureaucratic government aimed at making Japan a democratic state.

American Civil War hero, Captain Nathan Algren, played by Tom Cruise, is hired by Japanese diplomats as a mercenary to help train the new Japanese army in the use of modern i.e. western weapons and to help quell revolts of Japanese people who are not willing to give up the old ways i.e. the Samurai.

In his first battle his troops, armed with single shot rifles, are quickly overtaken by samurai on horseback. After exhausting his pistols and left with only his saber to fight, Algren (Cruise), makes a final stand against his attackers.

Unfortunately he doesn't die.

Intead, the leader of the Samurai group, Katsumoto (played by Ken Watanabe) apparently admires the white man's fighting spirit and decides that it would be useful to learn about the enemy by taking him prisoner, feeding him, treating his wounds, and teaching him martial arts.

Along the way the Algren learns how to speak the language, take a bath, and even how to pick up a Japanese girl, Taka, Katsumoto's daughter who's husband by the way was killed by Algren during his battle. According to Hollywood law however she eventually learns to love this pale killer of her dead husband; of course.

Just as Algren learns to love this strange new culture he later learns that the Japanese diplomats who hired him to fight the samurai are really trying to modernize Japan as quickly as possible so that they can control trade with Europe and the United States. Algren then decides to take up the cause of the Samurai who are fighting to maintain their way of life proving that he himself is more "Japanese" than the "evil" Japanese trying to change the country.

After alot of scenes of the white man using a Japanese sword and saving the lives of his new samurai friends (who apparently are expert martial artists but need a white man to tell them that it's better to escape an ambush than commit suicide) we come to the final battle of 500 samurai with swords, arrows, and spears, against a modern Japanese army of 5000 troops equipped with rifles and gatling guns(!)

I'll stop here and just say that in the end the White man does indeed save the day, but not by leading his newfound friends to victory. Instead, in an interesting twist, he uses his military skills to help them all die with honor - except for him of course.

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Now is this a bad movie?

On the contrary I'm sure it's a great movie.

And that's what bothers me the most.

The film _will_ be successful for all the reasons that I find it disturbing.

I'd like to think we're past this kind of shit in this country but when will the myth/fantasy that a white man can walk into any culture and take it for his own FUCKING DIE ALREADY!?

And yet it's still there, in pop culture and especially the movies, from Karate Kid II to the Fast and the Furious.

This movie is practically no different. The Last Samurai is a movie that pretends to be culturally respectful and non-imperialistic, but by telling the story of a white man who comes to be as good or better than those within the culture itself, turns out to be anything but.

To put it in perspective, how about making a movie with Chow Yun Fat in Civil War America fighting for the South and calling it "The Last Confederate" Oh I'd pay to see that! "Watch Chow Yun Fat learn how to drink whisky, load a single shot rifle and pick up a white girl!"

Kidding aside, I'm not sure what scares me more, the idea that the people who made the movie were aware of what they were portraying or the idea that they weren't.

Now I'm sure most of mainstream America (white people) will love the film and not understand a damn thing I'm bitching about.

But then they don't have to understand do they?

After all they're the majority.

They'll pay their 10 dollar ticket, swoon over Tom Cruise, watch him master an ancient and exotic culture and subconciously internalize the idea that as long as a white man is the hero, even in a foreign culture, then all is right with the world.




In closing let me show you a casting notice I recieved via e-mail last week:

CASTING CALL
Casting beautiful Asian women for Warner Bros.' The Last Samurai Premiere After-party to be held in Westwood on Dec 1st.. Women will be dressed as village women from the film's wardrobe department and mingle 'in character' through the party, helping to create the ambience of ancient Japan, circa 1870's. There is no pay, but a chance to be part of this year's biggest Hollywood premiere with a guest list including Tom Cruise and the rest of The Last Samurai's fantastic cast!!

If interested please forward a picture and information ASAP to:

Cheryl Rave
Entertainment Producer
Warner Bros. Special Events
(818)954-3011 fax
Cheryl.Rave@Warnerbros.com



So here we are.

White man, big swords, and another generation of culturally ignorant white boys with asian fetishes.

I guess we can't win'em all.

Where the fuck is _my_ white savior?

WOLVES DON'T BARK

When there's nothing else interesting on cable, I often tune into the Discovery Channel for the visceral thrill of watching some animals link up the food chain. My favorite is the wildebeast lapping water in the shallow mud hole and all of a sudden a sneaky crocodile leaps up and snatches its damn head in between its jaws. Thats some navy seal / ninja shiznit in nature for you. So in between the segments of animals getting eaten or mating (isn't that what life is truly about?) there is some narration from some guy with a Brit accent. If you pay attention, he can occasionally give some interesting facts about said animals.

Last night, I was watching a feature about wolves. I learned some very interesting facts about wolves that I think I can relate to being a guy. Wolves aren't just wild dogs...well they are certainly WILD but at the same time they are more sophisticated and intelligent than the domesticated dog. They respect the hierarchy of the pack and hunt in an organized fashion often acknowledging the alpha male's leadership. They also mate for life. Interesting, yeah? But after all that fascinating information, the tidbit that caught my ear was when the narrator said that "Adult wolves do not bark." Wolves howl, growl, snarl but don't bark they consider this a juvenile behavior. I guess this fairly mundane statement struck a chord in me because us guys always call each other "dog". And we do alot of barking and posturing don't we? At clubs, most of us are always getting our lil bark on at the bitches aren't we? We prance and jackass ourselves for your attention. After a while it all becomes chatter and the bitches just roll up their eyes. I say enough of that, I'm going to leave that to the cubs and the little boys.

Now that I'm all grown up I hope to put aside that juvenile chatter and channel my cool like our friend the wolf, Canis Lupus. There's things about being a guy that just cannot be tamed and we shouldn't be apologetic about -- and thats another reason why I have great admiration for the wolf, the purity of its wild nature that coexists with its complexity. Watch out ladies, I've got a new outlook and I'm think most of the pack is down with it too. Next time you see us, just give us some time and take a closer look. We might appear to be dogs but there won't be any idle chatter here. Wolves don't bark, baby.