Misblog. . .

No daughters for me. . .
Yesterday I worked the 5pm to 3am shift in the E.R. I get this one patient, the sweetest britney murphy look-a-like 13yo girl who comes in with 1 day history of abdominal pain and some increased urinary frequency. In layman's terms tummy ache and have to go pee alot. So I get down to taking the patients history and the mom is there. She gives the vague history about maybe eating a bad tuna melt. Apparently mom and dad were away in Reno over the weekend and she was hanging with her 18yo brother. . I ask the mom to leave while I let her talk about her social situation. She denies any laxative abuse, anorexia, abuse, drugs, alcohol and smoking. Then I ask if she has a bf. Yes she does. I ask do they "mess around" and what do they do. She then get's this look in her eyes and asks me again if I have to report any sexual activity to her mother. I explain this is part of patient confidentialy and whatever we talk about will not get to her mom. So she says yes she's had sex and uses condoms with her boyfriend. I tell her that I"m glad she's protecting herself. I also tell her that guys lie all the time and she always has to protect herself because women get the short end of the stick(no pun intended) when it comes to consequences of unprotected sexual intercourse. I even tell her to ask me any questions now if she can't have a decent conversation about sex with her mom. She doesn't and I explain to her we might have to do a pelvic exam. My gyno friend tells me she couldn't tolerate the speculum exam. Weird? Man, that's freaking crazy this sweet innocent looking girl doing the nasty. Kid's growing up fast nowadays. . .Man if I did have a daughter I wouldn't want some punk ass usually older dude bastard having his way with my princess. Damn shame.

Although I fell in love with hiphop when I was fourteen, I can't front that alternative music is an old flame that just won't go away. I like to rock out to bands that infuse metal and punk with an emo edge (Incubus). On occasion, I've also been known to appreciate female alt. rockers that show spunk (no pun intended, you'll see) but vulnerability at the same time. Case in point, Liz Phair...I've been a casual fan since the early 90's because she's always grabbed me with lyrics like:

"Your kisses are as wicked as an M-16
And you come like a volcano, and you're everything to me" - Supernova

On her latest album, she absolutely just blows me away with a track called "H.W.C." She manages to channel our male fantasies into 3 minutes of music. No female rapper, not Lil Kim, not Eve or even Foxy has uttered anything this bold. Although the song's content is pornographic, she manages to pull it off in an almost sweet endearing fashion. Pick it up! But for now I'll let you decide.

H.W.C.

Give it to me, don't give it away
Don't think about what the others say
My skins getting clear, my hairs so bright
All you do is fuck me every day and night

You're my secret beauty routine
Na, na, na, na, what my body has seen
I am lookin' good and I'm feeling nice
Baby you're the best magazine advice

Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum

I'm gonna pull you back down between the sheets
Everything is fresher when the day is sweet
In the morning light when you're already on the phone

Face it, one of these days
Without you I'm just another Dorian Gray
It's the fountain of youth
It's the meaning of life
So hot, so sweet, so wet my appetite

Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum

Skin is clear? Hair is bright??? Ane what more...it boggles my mind is that she says "it's the fountain of youth". That's a lil wisecrack thats reserved for US guys, its locker room, construction site, garage humor ...and to hear her claim it kind of takes the edge of it. And I respect that. Give Liz Phair a chance...she rocks, for a gir anyway.

What would be considered more as cheating:

If a man and a woman meet up at a party , get drunk off the heezy, find an empty bedroom, get it on all night, wake up the next morning and go their separate ways?

or

If a guy and a girl meet at a coffee shop in the middle of the afternoon, strike up a casual conversation about their respective lives. They then decide to continue their conversation over dinner and talk about what their current mates lack. They end their evening walking hand in hand, promising to write one another on occassion as they continue their status quo?

I was thinking about this today in the shower (contrary to what you might think, I get other things done in the shower). What is so bad about cheating. Is it the passion and intimacy of the encounter? Or is it the physical act of sex?

I suppose that I would be mighty pissed if my gf did either of the two, but I would be more inclined to leave her if she shared some passionate and intimate night with someone -- a la scenario #2. If it was a drunk moment of stupidity, I would be more disgusted and turned off, but may eventually let it go in the future. If it is the second type, I would be heartbroken that she shared an intimate night with someone she just met yet didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me the same things.


That's all, I don't take that long in the shower after all. Unless, well, you know the link...

crap

this is temporary I swear!

I tried to post this on the FRIENDSTER BULLETIN BOARD today...if the goddamn thing worked it would have been up...

TO ALL THE GUYS WITH THEIR BABY PICTURES



Ok, that's quite enough w/ the baby pics alright
guys?

I'll tell u what...just because ur aunt or uncle
or more likely ur mom complimented u on how
adorable u WERE ...everybody else doesnt share
that opinion. Most people don't care how cute u
were at 5 or 6 just show ur present face because
thats what people want to see. YEah yeah yeah i
know u want to elicit a "How cute" response from
chicks but mostly it will elicit a "WHat the
HELL HAPPENED?" If puberty came along and
devastated ur angelic emmanuel lewis-like appeal
u have my sympathies but we all have to deal
with our issues. I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry if Im offending some of u but the
only one trolling for pics of baby boys on this
site might have the initials M.J. SUre, it would
be kool to have the king of Pop as your
friendster but wouldn't u really just be lying
to him? I know what I said isnt P.C. but enuff
of my friendsters have been muttering this
subject under their breaths and I just felt that
it needed to to be addressed... Alright, so u
get the point..keep it real. thanks!
- END

Was that too harsh? I feel like Im going to be kicked out of Friendster...oh well, that shit is always down anyway.

I caught Kobe Bryant's press conference yesterday. Having seen his wife for the first time, I'd say that Kobe is the luckiest man this side of Grant Hill (who is married to Tamia).
Kobe's wife is drop-dead/ you can't be serious/let me thank yo momma and daddy/ damn you make me feel ugly when I'm around you -GORGEOUS. Some of my female friends agreed with me but asked "Why would he fool around when he had her?" I told them that the answer is in the question itself... he did it because "he had her". Kobe's adulterous behavior (not the sexual assault, that remains to be seen) is foolish but not surprising. He's a huge star, he has lots of money, and he probably feels a sense of entitlement that we the public, almost always believe athletes deserve. Also, in a broader sense, no matter how fine a woman is some men will just cheat on them or leave them because they grow bored and would rather chase the fantasy of the next woman. Bad for them, good for us single fellas! Somewhere out there some dumbass guy is letting a good woman slip through his hands without realizing it. Chances are she'll quickly be swooped up by some guy who let a good woman go before and will be determined not to let it happen again. In the end you figure that dumbass guy probably didn't deserve her anyway. And if he did... too fucking bad and sometimes too fucking late. Maybe he'll learn from it next time. And so it goes...

Trying out new nickname? Will update profile asap.

To quote Tyler Durden, "I don't want to die without any scars." At the end of it all, I'd like to be one of these beached killer whales that the scientists find washed up on the beach with their skin festooned with thickened welts and wounds from a lifetime of battles with giant squids and octopusesesss... Yeah, the boy wonder seeks a life less ordinary but the mundane seems to be the norm. I'm not greedy, I don't want all the attention, I just want enough to make things more interesting. For example, I don't want to BE a famous celebrity who scores alot of chicks, I'd be content with just having a resemblance with a famous celebrity who scores alot of chicks. I envy the guy who looks juuusstt a lil' bit like Collin Farrell right now, 'cuz this bastard just about hit the lotto when that horndog got the spotlight. I'm patiently waiting for MY celebrity double, I'm hoping he appears in a big obnoxious Hollywood film and not a indy piece of crap that only girls who work at Tower Records would go see. Back to the scars, I need to take more risks with my heart and stop babysitting my wallet. I want to make a statement without having to push ink into my bicep or my back to say it for me. As you can see, I've got all kinds of colorful aspirations but I've no idea how to accomplish them. Now that I'm older its plain to see that we only know half of what's coming. The half that we can control is guided by the decisions we make, the other half is decided by luck of the draw, by whatever mysterious forces are at work to make us get audited by the IRS or win an all-expense paid to the Bahamas. I find that uncertainty strangely comforting. It allows me to let go. And so before I'm done, Im trying to leave a big freaking mess of a scarred up, ran through, welted, bullet riddled, freezer-burned mosaic of a lifetime. And if I don't, and you're still around...be sure to tell your kids how much I kicked ass anyway.

"..She's throwing an anchor, a junior investment banker, who's talking bout herself and not much more. So buy her a beer that's the reason you're here, mighty wingman, you're taking one for the team so your buddy can live the dream... Wingman"

A little bit about myself I'm a late 20's health professional who just moved back to the Bay after 4 years in So-Cal. No I"m not a murse that's (male-nurse) but then again I'm the rookie member of the health care team, an intern. I have a gf so when I go out with my single guy friends or co-workers. . . I pull double duty as either running interference for my lady friends aka "cock-blocker" or the most under appreciated job as the wingman.

So last week I'm hanging out with my co-workers Dr. Non-alcoholic raver(Dr. N.R.) and Dr. Mestizo/optho(Dr. M.O.). We go to this trendy sushi place in S.J. and have a couple of drinks and meet up with some of Dr. Non-alcoholic Raver's friends. They show up and Immediately I'm put to work, Dr. Mestizo/Optho sizes up a hottie Taiwanese I-banker who's in town visiting clinging to her security blanket. She's a WDWN (well developed/well nourished) bitchy looking, shouldn't be wearing a mid-rift cuz your rolls are hanging out chica. I then execute attack pattern alpha where I offer to buy drinks for Dr. M/O, HTIB, and WDWN. So here's where I do my work I ask WDWN to go with me to the bar, prying her from HTIB so my man Dr. M/O can work his mojo. On the way to the bar I totally distract WDWN by asking her the ususal small talk, what do you do, where'd you grow up, went to college etc. . .So we get back and then I feel a tap on my shoulder. . .It's Dr. Non-Alcoholic raver and she has this look in her eyes like "save me".
"Pretend we're together," she says.
"What?"
"Get this guy off me. . .Please!"
Dr. N.R. and I meet Mr. Consultant from Redondo beach. She mentions that I'm from LA too. . .So here's where I have to go and distract MR. C.R. . I ask him what places he goes to in LA . . .Mention a few hot spots in his area. Man this guy doesn't have a clue. I have to break out the electric defobulator for this one. So Dr. N. R. makes her escape by offering to buy drinks for us while we chat it up. This dude rambles on . . .while i'm thinking about being home asleep. So Dr. N.R. returns with our drinks I get a gin n' tonic and this guy has the nerve to drink a freakin' cosmopolitan. Dr. N.R. has her Aqua Fina. So I sarcastically ask him if that's the new "in" drink in LA. He nods his head while he sips his cosmo like a little bitch.
At the end of the night Dr. Mestizo/Optho and Dr. Non-alcoholic raver give me report before we part ways. Dr. M/O says HTIB wasn't all that interesting. Dr. Non-alcoholic raver says the guys at the bar sucked and she was happy being with the best looking dudes there. Turns out MR. Consultant from Redondo Beach and WDWN chica hooked up. Go figure?

Masturbating may protect against prostate cancer

Talk about good news for all men out there, as if self pleasure wasn't enough of a reason to risk eye strain watching scrambled adult channels for a quick glimpse of a nipple. Now, when someone catches you before you can pull up your pants, you can just claim that you're simply trying to be healthy. You eat 6 servings of fruit and vegetables each day and drink way more than 8 glasses of water. From now on, we simply add -- "ejaculate once a day" to our repertoire.

Mic test, one, two. Is this thing on?

Alright, here we go. Thanks to Voodoo, I'm the newest writer for Boy's Night Out. I figured, we finally have a Network for Men (TNN), its about time I join a blog for men. From what I understand, this is the place to write manly thoughts while sitting shirtless in my underwear, scratching my balls. What? Too much man for you? Go watch the Lifetime Channel, you sissy.

All jokes, all jokes. Kinda. Let me start with a description of my situation so that you can understand where I'm coming from. I'm currently in a 1+ year relationship that for the most part is good. We do have the occasional discussion, mostly because I'm oversensitive and moody and she's sometimes oblivious of what I need at the moment. Before getting with her, I was single for 2 years, which I took almost full advantage of. And before that, I was with my college girlfriend for almost 4 years.

But this isn't just about relationships. I'm also a brother, a son, a middle child, a good friend, a hated enemy, a despised acquaintance, and a laid-off professional with aspirations of being an entrepreneur. I enjoy good times, good people, good movies, good music, good drugs (in the past), and good sex. I want a good life, and I want to be good for the world. (Good is a weird word once you see it spelled multiple times. Kinda like a foreign word, maybe African.) You think you know, but you have no idea.