The Big Aiyah: 07/01/2003

Monday, July 28, 2003

Everything happens for a reason. What reason, I'm not quite sure. With as crappy as I was feeling last Thursday (reference Thursday's posting), I end up going to lunch with my co-workers (a guy and an girl) the next day. Summarily, my guy co-worker gets this phone call and we have to return to the office because he has to meet a friend at the office. Low and behold...my worries were swept away, almost numbed at the sight of his most HANDSOME friend Toby!

I know that that sounds really shallow...to enjoy just the very sight of a guy. Kinda sounds like what guys often do to women...but I didn't make a big ol' scene. Seeing Toby, his nice demeanor, and his good looks jolted me out of my misery. No I didn't want to jump him or anything... it's more like life was showing me that there are other guys out there since it was hard for me to hear it from people.

Ha ha ha...so I ended up updating my Friendster page, putting up a picture and enjoying the rest of the weekend. I watched "How to lose a guy in 10 days" this weekend. It was like seeing my life and then seeing what could be all in one movie! Well, check it out if you don't understand. I suppose that if it was meant to be...he would have taken a chance on me.

Then, I remembered too that I've got too much on my plate to worry about things like this. So, it's back to taking care of business! And you guys are right...there's no where else to go but up! Thanks!

Thursday, July 24, 2003

Just my luck...I finally find a nice down to earth guy (DVC guy) and well...I tells me he doesn't want to see me anymore.

I hadn't talked to him in three days. Left a couple of messages but didn't stalk him or anything. And I have to admit they were pretty upbeat messages. No why aren't you calling me kind of things. Just those simple, Hey how ya doin' messages.

Anyhow, last night, I get this deep sinking feeling that he just lost interest. I mean why else wouldn't he call me or answer my calls for three days after talking to each other every single day for the past 2 weeks. I was actually more upset last night not knowing if he was just going to NOT call or if he would be decent enough to call and tell me himself.

I guess I got what I wanted. The phone rang a little after lunch today. Across my LCD screen flashed his name. I got the are you busy can you talk openning line. He went on to explain that this "thing" with us just started off as too much of a whirlwind romance and that he just can't do it. He wants out. He said it wasn't anything about me or anything I did...just that he was feeling "boxed" in.

I still don't understand how he could feel "boxed" in when we hardly really saw each other. At most, we'd talk everyday. But, I didn't argue. How can you argue with "(he's) the only one that really knows (himself)" and he knows he can't continue whatever "this" is. He admitted that he's just probably scared of getting into a serious relationship, but whatever it is ...he needs to back out.

I told him I was glad he told me. It doesn't make me feel any better, but at least I'm not left hanging.

THEN, he tells me he still wants to be friends and he doesn't want me to hate him and that he'd like me to still call him if I need someone to talk to. I know his intentions were good but was this just another way making himself feel better for dumping on me? I suppose a part of me is bitter. I have enough "pals". I'm looking for the real thing which I saw a glimmer in him.

I don't hate him. I told him that amidst all the "whirlwind" that above all I simply enjoyed his company. Although it didn't really matter at that point, he said that he enjoyed mine too and that he wasn't trying to string me along.

I told him that I probably won't be calling him first. I put it in his court, since HE wanted "out" that the ball is in his court if he wants to talk to me.

I think I'll retire for a while from putting myself out there. My sister says someone's out there for me...to keep hoping that my "frog prince" will arrive. I dunno though. I seem to be on a streak with a bunch of toads.

=)

Noticing an attractive you lady at the club, I decided to make her my goal of the night. Whenever was not busy, I talked to her. Without any fear, I let her know that I think she is attractive. I flirted with her by joking and smiling and it worked. During this process of dating, I was able to obtain a key component - her phone number.

Reading the comments from the "Ten Numbers" piece, I contemplated about my dilemma. When should I call? She gave me her number Saturday night, so do I call Tuesday or Wednesday? (Isn't this silly?) I decided to call on Tuesday, and received her voicemail. I was a little disappointed because the voicemail didn't even say her name. Was it even her number? I waited a day and made another attempt; she answered, we talked ... what a relief!

She gave me her number because I seem like a nice guy ; she also said she likes my smile. Now she made me smile and, while we were talking, I couldn't stop being "giddy" and smiling.

what happens from here, who knows

=)

Monday, July 21, 2003

I started to write jeebus a comment and thought I'd just write it out...

My comments started as "I do have to say that in my younger day...I was definitely attracted to that bad boy syndrome. Looking back..I do think it was that sure-ness that the guy exumed. "

But at the same time, I think that the same goes for the real attractive looking guys. They too fall into those same tendencies. They end up with Bitches with attitudes. They don't go for the "nice" girls either.

I was at a bar last Thursday to pick up tickets for this concert from the owners and one of the owners says to one of his buddies, "I'm not into that provincial look...I'm all for the Miss Universe type!" Then he and his buddy give each other that cool closed fist "dap." Not that I want to get at him, but I don't fit into the Miss Universe category...

At the same token, I'd like to hope that there's still hope for finding someone that can be real. No lines, no drama...just someone who honestly just wants to get to know me. I have to admit though...because I am so independent...I would like a guy that takes control. Not in a mean or bad way..just someone that knows what he wants.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

"why do we what we do out late with no curfew"

Having ventured with the guys on a nite out, I observed how juvenile some of the things my friends did. I watched in amusement, but I just wondered if it was necessary.

Celebrating one of my friend's final days in the US(my friend will be going to China for business for awhile), my friends and I had dinner at Hooters. My friends and I enjoyed the "scenery" of the restaurant. There were several attractive women in their orange shorts and white Hooters shirt with their breast pushed up. My friends had their digital cameras with them, and were taking many candid shots of the waitresses.

Friday, July 18, 2003

"Sometimes I used to wonder
How the hell an ugly dude get a fine girl's number
He's gettin juiced for his ducats
I tell a girl in a minute yo, I drive a bucket
And won't think nuttin of it." -N.W.A.’s "I ain’t the one"

TEN REASONS HOW MEN SCREW UP WHEN TRYING TO HOOK UP!

okay, i'm "back" in the dating scene--i guess... as i've tried to win my "dream" girl the past few months-and lost, i've been thinking about how i screwed up... and i've been thinking and researching on how men, in general, screw themselves over. i've come across ten reasons that i found and actually find it as a truth!

MISTAKE #1 Nice guys finish last or not even finish!

man, have you ever noticed that women, never seem to be attracted to "nice" guys?

and i’m sure, like me, you have too.

it seems that all my (attractive) female friends have always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in me!

what the fuck is going on here?

now, i know this may piss off some of ya'll, but it's actually very simple...

women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. they choose the men they do because they feel a powerful gut level attraction for them, yet its not just how physically attractive the guy is, but how much a jerk he can be!

arggh!

being nice doesn't make a woman feel that powerful attraction.
and being a nice guy doesn't make a woman choose you.

haha.. i know this doesn't make a lot of dollars & sense, and it's hard to accept and realize it... but get over it.

guys, until you accept this fact and begin to act on it, you'll never have the success with women that you want.

MISTAKE #2: Trying To: "Convince Her To Like You"

what do most guys do when they meet a woman that they really like... but she's just not interested?

yup, they try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.

from what i've noticed and experienced... you can never change a woman's attraction for you! the chances are astronomical! unless you win the lotto of course!

you cannot convince a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning"...

if a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being "reasonable" with her?

but guys, we all do it.

when a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind!

hey wussie--bad idea. thank god i stopped doing that bull!

MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission

for some reason (making babies?), we have an intrinsinc desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".

dumbasses!

women are never attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... ladies, don't ya'll agree? yet don't get me wrong here.

you don't have to treat women badly for them to like you.

you will never succeed by looking for approval... women actually get annoyed at men who seek their approval... girls, am i right?... don't you want guys who are sure of themselves?

ask any woman if wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...

MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her Affection With Food And Gifts

how many times have i taken a woman out to a nice and expensive dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and not choose me, instead choosing someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as i did?

too many times!

well guess what?

it's only natural when this happens... natural?

when we do these things, we say:

"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".

our good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. hahah, women will see this as manipulation!

MISTAKE #5: Sharing"How You Feel" Too Early InThe Relationship With Her

another dumb mistake is that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early...

attractive women are rare... they get a lot of attention from men.

most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another all the time by men.... this reminds me of what the great social commentator, Chris Rock said about tryin to hook up with women... we guys always try to say some clever stuff, but in actually, we mean--"you want some dick?" women are offered dick 24/7 ya'll! hundreds of times a month!

and attractive women have usually dated a lot of men.

that's right. they know the game! game recognize game man... they know too much!

they know when you say, that "i like you, and it feels like i've known you for a long time (which you haven't at all)" then this tells the woman that you're just like all the other fools who stupidly fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves...

but there is a much more relaxed way!

there's a much better way...

to be continued!

--jeebus

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Ten Numbers

If anyone has not seen the movie, Swingers, where have you been? Guy has girl, loses girl, becomes depressed, fails at first meeting new girls, and guy finally meets a girl. It is a great movie to which any guy can relate, and for even any female to relate.

There is a part during the movie which the main character has trouble deciding. When do you call someone when you get a phone number?

After a night from either at a bar or a club, I have succeeded in obtaining the ultimate goal--phone number from someone I think is interesting and attractive. Everyone has gone through the motions of deciding when to call; I know I have. Shall I wait one day or two? If I call her too soon, does it make me appear desperate? What do I say? Endless thoughts run through my mind, and it happnes to everyone.

Obtaining the number may be the treasure from a night, but what I do with the treasure and what happens is another adventure

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

it goes both ways ...

I once read an article, titled "Why Girls Don't Like Nice Guys," in the Datebook section of the newspaper. Noticing the title, I considered myself to be a nice guy and began to read. The article included a story of Boy X having interest in girl Z. Boy X was everything any girl would want, but Girl Z did not feel the same way; she had feelings for Boy Y. Boy Y was the total opposite of Boy X, but was more of a challenge to Girl Z. Challenge! Girl Z wanted to find the hidden treasure buried underneath the tough exterior.

While I was encountering my early stages of the game called dating, I have had my moments of feeling of Boy X. I wondered why would I need to be like Boy Y--the jerk, the asshole, the insensitive bastard. I am a "nice" guy who doesn't act like an asshole, a jerk or be insensitive. I considered myself not a challenge.

After surpassing stages in dating, I found myself meeting/dating females who had boyfriends, talking to someone or were about to be in a relationship. In a weird way, I was happy. I was having fun in these dysfuntional relationships ... 'cuz it was a challenge.

Now, I am single. I am meeting and kicking it with females. I am enjoying wining and dining them whether it to be a broadway show, to a movie or to a nice restaurant. But when someone shows interest in me too quickly, I lose interest ... not a challenge.

hmm ... should I just be the jerk and take them somewhere cheap, so I'll be the challenge to them ... and they be a challenge to me?

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

ACT II

Scene Isplit stage; stage left - Ukulele Princess on phone laying on bed in bedroom; stage right - DVC Days on cell phone in living room

UP: So did you want me to bring anything tomorrow for dinner?
DVCD: No just yourself. I've taken the liberty to take care of everything.
UP: What are you cooking for dinner? Let me at least bring dessert or something?
DVCD: I've got the main dish already prepped along with two side dishes and I've got dessert already planned...lemon squares...and the wine is already chilling.
Ukulele Princess smiles
UP: Wow, a man with more domestic skills than me. That's nice!

the conversation continues and by now DVC Days has agreed to go to Ukulele Princess' gig at the Hawaiian Cafe this weekend

DVCD: I think I can make it after work.
UP: Great. Just a warning though, they may ask a lot of questions.
DVCD: Why?
UP: Ummm...I don't normally bring male friends around the band. The last time I did, and he was just a friend who wanted to check out the music, Uncle ignored us twice and when I was able to introduce him to my friend he says in a fatherly kind of way, "She's my student you know!" as he pointed at me and not really smiling.
DVCD: How about this... why don't I go right up to you and kiss you so they don't have any questions as to who I am to you?

lights dim
action freezes
single spotlight on front left stage
Ukulele Princess walks to spotlight

UP talking to the audience: Am I just dense? What's he really saying? So then...who is he thinking he is to me? Are we thinking the same thing? When am I supposed to know we've moved on from being acquaintances, friends? I wish there was a Dating Manual...

Spotlight goes out
fade to black

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

ACT I

(I don't know what happened to the first two scenes.)

Okay, so when things are bad, there's no action at all (in reference to Scene I) and when it rains it pours.

Just when I thought Ukulele Man was the possible potential (in reference to Scene II)

Scene III

...in enters The Paddler stage left.

Ironically, it was The Paddler that I was supposed to meet at the Hawaiian Cafe instead of Ukulele Man. My Aunt and Uncle met The Paddler on the plane returning from Hawaii last January. They did their best to set me up with The Paddler but for some reason or another we never connected.

Then...the Friendster thing happened. A few days after being conned into signing up for this new internet craze (that's always busy these days), I get the email "you have a new message from The Paddler." Could it be? Yep it was him. He said he found me through 3 degrees of friends...hmmmm

Scene IV

Then...the Friendster thing happened AGAIN. About a week of active Friendstership, I get the email "you have a new message from our DVC Days." I would have never thought of searching for DVC Days, but he seemed to remember me from 10 years ago! He sent me his phone number which I didn't actually use until this last Saturday.

Over the course of a week, the Ukulele Man has been fading to black slowly moving downstage; stage right. We had dinner Monday night yet the excitement wasn't quite the same. I looked for some spark and couldn't find it. Throughout the rest of the week...contact has been minimal. He's been feeling down all week and not wanting to confide in the Ukulele Princess. Not even fireworks could lure him out to play.

Ukulele Man had suggested to get a logo done for one of Ukulele Princess' projects. As the spotlight focused on The Paddler at center stage, I notice that The Paddler has a CCAC email address. I email The Paddler and low and behold, he is a graphic designer by trade. He suggests we meet at a local bar although neither of us knows what the other looks like. All I know is that he's going to be with his paddling team. He quickly moved to back stage right Thursday night as we conversed at the bar feeling like we had nothing in common at all.

Saturday afternoon sitting in traffic, I'm scrolling through my phone looking for someone to talk to while on the Bay Bridge. My fingers strangely did the walking to the number of DVC Days. DVC Days enters stage left and moves to front left stage as we end up talking later that night from 8:30pm to 12:30am. By Sunday, we had agreed to have dinner and a blockbuster night at my place and he fades everyone else to black as he takes his place at front center stage.

The conversation was easy, his presence was comfortable and most of all he makes me laugh.

I don't know what to think of all this quite yet...I'm just letting the script play out. I just wonder if its like a "choose your own adventure" book that I'd get the right storyline down.

No word from Ukulele Man and The Paddler is paddling back home for a while. DVC Days is planning to cook Ukulele Princess a big dinner tomorrow night.

The curtain closes as the stage light fades to black as the Ukulele Princess is left sitting under the midnight sky filled with bright shining stars wondering what the future has in store for her next.

The Big Aiyah