The Big Aiyah

I keep making the same mistakes.
Despite all the things I’ve learned from my errors and experiences in life,
I keep making the same mistakes!

When the situation starts becoming familiar, there always comes a point, a moment of truth, the defining moment. When the crossroad presents me with a choice to either: use my head, stay strong, and do the right thing. Or, I fill my ego and consciousness with images of victory and more important the accompanying spoils granted to the victor. Analogous to Kevin Costner in “Tin Cup”, I keep aiming for the green over water with a fairway wood. “Lay up you fool!” But stubbornness is a trait born that, unlike arrogance, is neither tempered with time nor triumphed by defeat. (For the non-golfers, imagine going for the blackout, when getting 5 numbers in a line will get you BINGO)

“I can do it! I’ve learned so much that I won’t make the same mistakes. It’s different this time”

But my life is not a Hollywood movie and my consequences and disappointment last beyond 90 minutes. I have to live with the shame when I see their faces and the never-ending ridicule from my friends.
I keep going for multiple women despite the fact that they’re friends, roommates, or related to someone I’m already going for; sometimes (like this weekend) at the same party.
I only see the glory and the spoils.
I keep making the same mistakes.

posted by evil rat @ 4:14 PM

It never ceases to amaze me. If I don't have "just one of the guys" written on my forehead, I have "sure, I'll make out with you!" instead. I spent the weekend entertaining some artists and their manager from Hawaii. The manager as well as all the members of the band were very nice and yet many were admitted players. I had a great time hanging out, listening to great music and them telling jokes.

I hung out with the manager who was a gentleman the entire time. He was so comfortable with me that he even talked generally about some of his female exploits and the situations that came about because of them. This made me wonder if everyone just sees that "just one of the guys" sign and is able to talk to me about almost anything. Do they wonder if I "want" to hear that stuff? I wasn't offended because he wasn't lude about it and when it came to other conversation, it was great. We went to my first reggae concert and he looked after me very well. So he treated me with much respect and I didn't seem to mind being "just one of the guys."

Then on the other hand, I drove the artist to his hotel. And while in the car, he asks me if I would "hang out" with him tonight after the show. I told him (nicely) thank you but no thanks. Then, he followed it with, "You're not that kind of girl I guess... how about kissing?" I gently declined again and that was that. And on the other hand, as a person, this guy is extremely nice and down to earth. He tells jokes and he's got that genuine smile and aura that just attracts all kinds of people. But, I wasn't sure if I should have been flattered or appalled at his request.

After the show, as I'm standing outside the hotel talking to the manager, the artist pulls up with one of the waitresses and they smile at me as they run excitedly up the stairs. It was rather ironic because as I said, "Wow, I didn't need to know who he went up there with" and his manager responds back, "ya that's probably just what she's thinking about us!"

I started wondering how I can overlook someone's "Playa" lifestyle and see that they are nice people and treat me well otherwise. It was easy looking past the "playas" in these guys. Then, I thought, what about when the "Playa" is the man I'm dating? I don't think I can see beyond that. I guess I'll deal with that when I do finally hook up with someone, eh! =)

posted by Ukulele Princess @ 5:53 PM

In addition to the great comments I've been receiving, (see comments for my posting dated 4/3) I had an IM conversation with a friend of mine who was talking about the exact same thing. So, I thought I'd just post up my comments.

It definitely does take more energy to create something out of nothing when it comes to relationships. This week, everyone's advice materialized over the course of this business conference I was at on the East Coast. The only thing in common was that everyone attending were user's of this product that the people sponsoring the conference manufactured.

So as the first day went along, we kind of when through those stale conversations of "Hi, my name is...what company do you work for?.... what do you do there? oh how long have you been there? etc." I met one of the upper level managers while asking questions about our system and he made sure to invite my coworker and me to the reception before dinner that night.

I ended up spending much of the social time talking to upper level managers and even one of the vice president's over non-business related topics. It was real nice getting to know people socially. And it wasn't like pulling teeth at all. Although none of cupid's arrows were seen whisking around the area (especially 'cause he's maried)...I've just got to learn to be patient and to try to make things happen so often.

Ok enough blabbering...till next time!!!

Oh and btw...if anyone likes or has heard of Pati straight out of Honolulu, he will be playing at E Komo Mai this Sunday at 8pm. Check him out!!!

posted by Ukulele Princess @ 4:05 PM

Sometimes, do you find yourself being swayed by the observations of others? Trying to find interest in people that other people think you'd look good with? Then again...what if you do start to find interest? What if I already had interest and someone saying something about it just validated what I was afraid to admit? Is it genuine or was the idea planted and does it matter? This is how it all came up....

I visited some friends this week at a casual gathering where to my delightful surprise, there was this guy there that I met a couple weeks prior that somehow peaked my interest. Well, I didn't realize he had peaked my interest until my stomach got butterflies when he smiled at me when I walked in. And I blushed and suddenly felt all giggly inside.

So instead of following through with this ga-ga-goo-goo moment, I changed the momentum and said Hi to some of my friends that were in closer proximity of me. I didn't want to be so obvious as to keep looking over to see if he's looking at me (man, I just realized how coy I still am!) So anyhow... he was talking with a couple so I decided to wait until he was free before I sat down to talk to him. Before I knew it, he gave me a soft punch in the arm as he passed by me heading for the door and said that he had to take off. awe man, I thought.

Later, my friend eagerly approached me and asked me why not consider that guy? We'd look good together, she said.

That got me thinking all night, "Ya, why not consider that guy?"

So the next day I find out that he actually wouldn't have minded if I sat down at the table to talk to him even though he was sitting with those other people. Yet, the only time I really talk to him is if I initiate the conversation. What I do know is I am interested in getting to know him more. But, I'm not quite getting the same vibe from him since he doesn't call me if I don't call him. I don't wait by the phone twiddling my thumbs for him to call. And I don't call him every moment or every day. I suppose I'd feel like he had some interest if he called once in a while too.

I have to admit...I am hesitant to put myself out there completely without any clue. But then again, would I have been interested if someone didn't say something about him?

posted by Ukulele Princess @ 6:08 PM