All about the Bennies...

I don't think friends with benefits work too well. I have friends who have friends with benefits. I've always asked them if this whole ambiguity in their relationship causes any problems with them being able to maintain a somewhat normal relationship with the other person. Most of the time it's people who like to live in the gray areas of life that tend to have these type of relationships. Personally, I'm more of a black and white person with no shades in between. I like structure. I like definition. Those who live like that are often times confused by the 'friends with benefits' phenomenon. Does it become a rat-race to see who can get that S.O. first so that they're not the one left hanging in the benefits department? Or will it come to the point of co-dependency between the two beneficial friends where they end up using each other so much, they end up having their relationship get weird? The best of my friends I end up treating like a brother or sister. So in the benefits department, that just becomes kinda sick. Perish the thought! So everybody, go treat your friends right and with the uttermost respect. Should you need to bump some uglies, go pay for a hooker or a manwhore. There's a reason why they are in that type of service industry.

non-beneficial Pork

PS - the above statements all go to heck if your friend with benefits IS a hooker or manwhore. Then sure, go get some booty. And if they're a real friend, they prob won't even charge you. =)

posted by Pork @ 11:48 PM

Friends with Benefits, or A Study in Mixing Oil and Water

Every now and then a little bell goes off in my head that indicates that the Urge to Merge has arrived. Wait, that's not a bell, that's a buddhist gong. It's a strange biological pull/draw/vacuuming force of a whirlpool in a tub sucking your toe into a dark dark beyond. Yes, that's it.

A sex-free year has been both interesting and insightful. I can't tell you it's been rosy and Hello Kitty. It's a roller coaster of people, emotions and biological needs. And I know that there are phone numbers that would lead to a pleasant evening (or afternoon) of ribaldry. So why don't I?

It's not my thing.

I can't allow myself to be "that way" with just anyone, even a friend of sorts because I don't give myself freely that easily. Sex is something that I feel is special enough to hold onto, and I know you might think that it sounds very puritanical of me, but I can't be special every damn day to just any pretty face. Do you wear your tux or ballroom gown every day? That's some special shit! You don't buck down every single person you vibe with. It's worth holding onto, and you might be my friend, but it's just not that kind of party.

I've seen girls get caught up in the mix with FWB's, and I just say to them, "What did you expect? He's not your man."

So I've decided to spare myself the drama, focus on myself, not just my groin, and do my thang.

Solo.

Savin' the Nooky ain't easy, but a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do,
Voodoo

posted by Voodoo Child @ 11:40 PM

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
yea! It's my turn to ask the questions!

Seeing as we are all single... some of us are possibly probably in the fortunate habit of practicing celibacy... until we find that S.O. (doesn't it sound like asshole when you say it really fast?)... and maybe some of us are not. My question is: is it possible to have and sustain a "friends with benefits" type relationship (and by benefits I mean the ones pertaining to non celibacy type) with maybe another single friend of yours until one or both of you find that significant other? Why and why not?

posted by mooncake @ 11:09 AM

My 2 Cents:

I don't think I would ever be able to get involved in any type of meaningless relationship because I think ultimately, I would begin to become too attached to the person. Especially if the nookie was good. =) Guilt would definitely be an issue for me because I'd be the first to admit that I have a self-conscience that lurks its ugly head into my life whenever I try to do bad. Once I went out on a date with another women while I had a girlfriend (the relationship was somewhat rocky at the time), and I felt so bad about it, I had to spill the beans and admit everything to my girlfriend. And also I apologized for playing the other girl as well. So meaningless relationships don't work in my book. It is for the guiltless. I choose to live and love with a conscience. It's my curse as well as my fault.

Pork Honey

posted by Pork @ 7:21 PM

The Math Behind It All
How far you one takes a relationship that means absolutely nothing to you is inversely proportionate to the affection you are deriving from your other half. What kind of affection? Any kind that makes you feel that that's all you need, whether it's just talking or hanging out, or good bedroom (and bathroom) sex etc etc. If you do take the absolutely nothing relationship to magnanimous proportions, that just means that your so called significant other is doing almost nothing for you. I think each of us has a magical formula that measures exaclty how much of whatever it is that we want. That which we don't get from the s.o., we get it from someone else.
It's like winning a baseball game. Now, we don't all have the blessings of Randy Johnson or Curt Schilling who can start, end and win a game for you... so you have your starting pitcher, setup man and the closer.
Hopefully you won't need as many setup men or closers....
but really, just how many men do you know start and finish the game?

posted by mooncake @ 1:03 PM

I Need You, but Not That Way

Having been the object of affection for various and sundry menfolk (and recently womenfolk, though not by choice), it's easy to get lured into the false sense of self that is secured by the constant fawning and purring by said affection givers. The need to be adored does not often come with a sense of responsibility that comes with toying with a guy's heart/balls/eyes. You get my drift. I hate to see men and women use others for their own precious self-esteem that needs to be fed with the affections of others. Do I think it's wrong, yes, and it's unfair when all you want is a little lovin' but don't plan on sharing that with someone who cares enough about you to give you two seconds of their time.

Factor in a significant other, and not only are you being unfair with another person's heart, you're also playing with your sig-o's trust.

Attention? I think her needs are more self-serving and quite selfish if you ask me. Don't let me find her man out here just to, hm, try and test my skills at seeing if "I still got it." I know I do, and out of respect for HER, I think I'll keep those things to myself. Too bad she apparently doesn't have respect for him.

So how far would I take a dead-end relationship...I had a conversation with World of Curls and Mighty Mom that went something like this, "MILK THAT SHIZNIT!" But the honest truth is, if a person is obviously wanting to ride the Voodoo Train and I didn't feel the same way, I'd have to be up front with that person and tell them that it's not that kinda party. I wouldn't ride it out, say, until Valentine's Day and get my free stuff and then bail. That's not cool. If it were something that meant nothing to me, I don't know that I would even get involved in that kind of situation. It's not for me anyway. I'm not a one nighter/booty caller/mind game play thing keeper. In my younger days, yes, and that was fun, but in the long run, someone always gets hurt, and I would always feel like I shouldn't have done those things.

I don't know that people are expendable like that. But I do know that karma is a mess, and why engage in that kind of behavior just to prove something to yourself. Beats me.

Take the pin outta my ass,
Voodoo Child

PS: Thanks to Pork Honey for subbing for me...Look forward to other Team Big Aiyah Members taking the mic soon.

posted by Voodoo Child @ 7:38 PM

New Question of the Week:

Do any of you have a need to be liked or adored? Recently a friend of mine confided in me that she thinks that she has a need to be adored by people. That said, she would solicit male admirers eventhough she already has a long distance boyfriend. I told her that constitutes cheating, but she assured me, it's just for the attention and that nothing happens physically between her and her admirer(s). She just wanted to know that she can still pick up any guy she wanted or set her mind to. I thought this was a rather intriguing dynamic. We being singles here and experts of the relational ilk, are not tied down like my friend here, but I feel the dynamic still applies.

So here's the question about the ever infamous 'Game'...

How far would you take a relationship that means absolutely nothing to you (one night stand, bootycalling butt buddy, or mind game play-thing)? Is there any guilt involved in this process for using the other person?

Ok, you can discuss now.

Pork Honey, substitute teacher for Voodoo Child this week.

posted by Pork @ 4:18 PM

tha FWA, soooper-sperm!

well originally i was gonna disclose that i am the KOCK BLOCKER (screen names for AIM and Asian Avenue (i'm ashamed of that)) as my super identity... but after being a lagger and a lazy punk, i was cocked-blocked by the pork honey! ain't that ironic?... always one out there for everyone... sonovabitch...

i am now going to take on the guise of the DEVIL... yes the devil... why?... cause he's horny... noooo not that horny... well, maybe i am.... but who else in history has caused more heart aches, dilemmas, wars, divorces, fights, deception, lies, pludering, racketeering, stealing, sodomy, rape, lynchings and cold hearted murder?... the white man?... well yeah, but he's being shot back at now and i'm been around his sisters, mothers and aunties... so, the white man is going to end up brown one day...

posted by mister j. @ 3:25 AM

the FWA on a $20 date

hmmm... let's see... twenty bucks... i say, buy two ice cold forty st. ides for 1.99 each ($18 left)... screw the lobster, we head on to burger king and get a whopper meal and share it ($13 left)... head on to tanforan mall and watch a discounted movie for 4.25 each (round off to $4) and then go to broadway st. in san francisco and head on to spend the rest on those quarter shows....

now, if i find a girl who can do that with me... than she's definitely the one... i've been close!... actually did all that and we both had a great time!... but, unfortunately she found out that i had a job and started to ask to eat prime rib... sheeeet.... didn't want my tube steak anymore...

posted by mister j. @ 3:09 AM

Things to do with only $20 bucks on a date:
1. Buy a $20 bouquet... she'll do anything you say after that.
2. Teach her to rollerblade, and then buy $20 worth of BandAid for both of you.
3. Baseball game on Wednesday night. $2 per person per ticket, $1 beer and hotdogs. Which translates to an even 8 beers and 8 hotdogs each. This is in Oakland of course... not Pac Bell.
4.Dim sum at Clement Street. Can't remember the name of the joint, but you can definitely do many many plates of dim sum for under $20.
5. Make hot cocoa ($5 from Safeway), bring a blanket, drive up to Twin Peaks, and snuggle. You get to keep $15 for gas, or whatever you want to do.
6. Costco dinner + movie: $4.99 roast chicken from Costco, $3.99 mashed potato salad from Costco, $5 movie from Blockbuster... maybe even $4 for candle tealights to set the mood.
7. Teach her origami... $10 for nice Japanese origami paper, $20 if you want to splurge, make pretty paper boats and cranes and set them afloat at Lake Merced.

I think I've done pretty well here... being all thrifty (cheapskate) and creative (have nothing else better to do)...
Further suggestions are welcome. Not responsible for any unfortunate outcomes of any of the above suggestions, or other suggestions following this post. However, please acknowledge to your date where you got your ideas from if successful. Thank you.

posted by mooncake @ 1:39 PM

I've been dreading this post for lack of any creativity the last few days, but the Voodoo Child has given me the evil eye and so I change a few of the rules and pick up my pen to ink stuff for all to read:

Forget about being a SuperHero... how about being a super villian?? We all know they're the ones with the coolest outfits and best gadgets anyway! Every super hero needs a super villian to be complete. I was never one to be known as a nice guy anyhow. So my blog will be for being the bad guy that everyone hates, especially for all the guys out there. I'm the Cockblocker!!

All you fellas out on the party scene scoping for some @$$? Don't even think about it! Because my enhanced pheremonal radar super-sense (yes! this is a superpower!) will pick up all the dudes with decent game, then I'll swoop right in with blazing lightning quick speed (but not super-human) to mess it up for you. Thought you were getting lucky? Well your luck has just changed for the worse! Muahahaha! Armed with a definitive swagger and undeniable mystery charm (also of the non-superhuman variety), The Cockblocker comes in and swoops away your woman. You go home alone.

Evil has risen in the city.

The Cockblocker had shown its ugly head.

Pork Honey, sinfully good.

posted by Pork @ 11:03 PM

The Game Mistress

All things being fair and equal, I have been a great fan of comic books since I was but a wee child. If I were to get some super powers, I would have to say, I want to be

The Game Salter

Yes, my friends, I, your Voodoo Child, would want the ability to salt weak game at any time, at any place, in front of anyone because of my powers of Knowing The Truth. Allow me to demonstrate:

Weak Game: "Hey Baby, you know I make 6 figures and drive a nice car."
The Game Salter: "You know you're not supposed to count the two figures on the other side of the decimal, and getting your Datsun detailed does not make it a nice car."

Weak Game: "Can we go half on a baby"**
The Game Salter: "Can we go half on this conversation? Now git out my face."

I would then jump into my Invisible Boxster (Wonder Woman, you suck), and scoot away to pick up Smooth so we can get a beer.

I am, The Game Salter.
Voodoo Child.

**Half on a baby, Inspired by an R. Kelly song by the same name means to basically duh, go half on a baby. Sheesh.

posted by Voodoo Child @ 10:15 PM

And Now onto Something Completely Different

Congratulations to all who joined in our haiku competition. I have yet to receive any entries from YOU readers out there, but if you're down, send to: voodoochild@beatsrhymesnlife.com. Send all other interesting items there as well.

At any rate, it's time for a new topic, new stuff to read for you folks in Voodoo Land, and it goes like this: CHOOSE ONE

We've all had superheros in our lives, particularly superheros of the red-caped and blue-tighted variety. If you could be a superhero of love, what kind of hero would you be (including your "name"), what power (ONLY ONE) would you have, and if you could use your power for GOOD, what would you do?

OR

If I gave you 20 bucks to spend on a date (ONLY 20 bucks), how would you spend it, what would you do? You MUST provide the reader with an itemization of how much you spent. And a timeline would be nice.

Be creative, and have fun.

Voodoo Child

posted by Voodoo Child @ 7:43 PM

SSshhh... here's my first post. ~ Haiku, bless you.

Alone in the cold

Haunted with feelings,
Our mind sweeps through misery,
Winter's could alone.

We'll never learn

Stop the craziness
Love’s for fool hearted people
So why do we fall?

Smooth

posted by Smooth @ 11:47 PM

Vote now or forever hold your peace.

I think ya'll like the polling booth better than the comments, so have at it. Remember, the winner of the haiku contest gets his/her haiku posted at the headline of the Aiyah page. If you'd like to submit your own haiku, please send them to me and I'll post the best ones here.

Peace!
Voodoo

To refresh your memory, here's the competitors' submissions:

We ride, earth swept sky
Swallowed by desert highway
Falling into you

-The Boy Wonder

Winter's here numbing,
this heart…. Then Spring to action…
Ready to Fall again

-Flip with an Attitude

Falling down in love
Requires a great leap of faith
And a soft landing.

-Voodoo Child


love life is waning
heart not given out freely
i need to get sprung

-Pork Honey

Haunted with feelings,
Our mind sweeps through misery,
Winter's could alone.

-Smooth

posted by Voodoo Child @ 10:42 AM

DESERT HIGHWAY

We ride, earth swept sky
Swallowed by desert highway
Falling into you

The Boy Wonder follows up w/ a haiku about relationships... he's not exactly an expert.

posted by Boy Wonder @ 10:13 AM

WHAT MAKES ME

Sprung from the gutter
Money cannot change me now
Seen famine and feast

MY OLD MAN

Life froze when you left
The heat has returned, bursting
a son shines for you

SACRIFICES

Dreams are lost by chance
Duty is indifferent
Not cruel nor kind

The Boy Wonder (no relation to Stevie) is not good at making puns out of the word HAIKU.

posted by Boy Wonder @ 11:05 PM

tha Flip With Haikus

this i call Spring to Fall:

Winter's here numbing,
this heart…. Then Spring to action…
Ready to Fall again.

this i call I used to love her

I look at summer
Been sweet, been scalding, been short.
I hate her so much


this i call Attitude

Strut down the cold street
precision, audacity
No one can stop this


this i call Haiku to you too muthafucka!

Nature in haiku?
No traditional rhymes too ?
So be it, fuck you.


you likes?

posted by mister j. @ 8:34 AM

The Voodoo Child Haikus Her Skirt Up

Falling down in love
Requires a great leap of faith
And a soft landing.

Voodoo purrs, "A soft landing like a fleshy butt?"

Akin to Pork Honey's Haiku Me Discreetly I bring you:

Winter brings cold air
Perks things up, yet shrinks things down
Ne'er too cold to bone

Voodoo quips, "Okay, I could have said more words than "bone" but you get the point."

A very prosperous New Year to you, my lovelies, and a vote for the Voodoo is not only sexy, it's Voodoolicious.

VoodooChild

posted by Voodoo Child @ 1:22 PM

Fortune Nookie haiku from Pork Honey

I've decided to submit a serious one per se the blog topic, and a just for fun one per se ME! Here they are:

This is the serious haiku:

love life is waning
heart not given out freely
i need to get sprung

Pork Note: particular season? Spring/Sprung all the same difference right?

This is my fun haiku:

pork honey tell you
haiku makes me so horny
spank me on b'autumn

Pork Note: Ok, so this one doesn't have something technically seasonal either but hey, it's always a good time to "Pork, Honey?"

Happy New Years all from the Sweet Swine. Hope to see all your haikus soon! Vote for ME!

posted by Pork @ 12:43 PM

Notcho Mama's Haiku

Okay Team Big Aiyah: Your task this week is to write a haiku about your love life. The readers will vote via the comments on which haiku rules. The winning haiku will replace the "Single. Asian. Issues." headline on the page.

If you don't know how to write a haiku, peep this:

A haiku is a short verse of 17 syllables, divided into units of five, seven, and five syllables. Haiku use simple expressions in ways that allow deeply felt emotions and a sense of discovery to be readily conveyed to the reader. As a rule, a haiku must have a word that is identified with a particular season.

So there's your assignment. ENGAGE!

Voodoo

posted by Voodoo Child @ 11:39 AM