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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
WORST LUCK EVER posted on 3/30/2004 01:03:15 PM by agentCB
ODE TO PANDORA'S BOX posted on 3/24/2004 08:33:20 PM by agentCB
COKE BOTTLES posted on 3/23/2004 07:50:03 PM by agentCB
SLEEPY HOLLOW posted on 3/21/2004 07:17:58 PM by agentCB
JASON X posted on 3/18/2004 05:04:20 PM by agentCB
PASSION REVISITED posted on 3/13/2004 07:18:23 AM by agentCB
DIE HARD(LY) posted on 3/11/2004 03:33:51 PM by agentCB
SHE SAID... posted on 3/09/2004 09:27:25 PM by agentCB
MOVIN' ON posted on 3/08/2004 04:51:09 PM by agentCB
FEATURED WRITER posted on 3/07/2004 08:34:48 PM by agentCB
SO MUCH FOR DRAFT MODE posted on 3/01/2004 10:31:11 PM by agentCB
man, talk about shitty luck. not even life alert woulda been able to help him out.
if i ever have a bad day, i'll think of him and it'll make it all better.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
awkward and anxious i approached,
bewildered by the beautiful box,
courage crafted from childish curiosity.
daringly i dug my digits into the dirt,
eager to end this eerie encounter.
finally i found my way, foolishly
grabbed the gift
high above my head, i held it
instinctually i was indecisive
justifiably jerking my joints
keyed up, i kicked up some knowledge
looking longingly into the lobes
meandering meagerly in my mind
never nearing any kind of notion
of what this object is; obsessed
pissed, peeved and petrified, i
quizzed myself, quietly and quite quickly
right away, ravenously i ripped it, regardless of
severity, seemingly safe i surmised, since
time tends to terrify temperaments
unwinding the unconscious until
vicious, vexing, vibrations and
weakness wantonly waft along.
x-rated xeroxes inside, i
yelled youthfully, yearning for a
zephyr, zealous in my zone
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
i returned my thick ass glasses today. i asked for a thinner lens since the last ones were similar in thickness to anna nicole's ankles.
not that bad but hell, i'm not tryin 2 spend 140 bucks to look like pointdexter.
on other notes, i wasted an hour at costco yesterday waiting for them 2 fix my tire. turns out i had the wrong size rim. shit.
still on the spare... getting used to the scratches... my car has character now
Sunday, March 21, 2004
today i feel blessed yet again. last night while coming home from the city, i fell asleep at the wheel and swiped a guard rail on east bound 80 after the toll plaza in vallejo.
i must have glided over 2 lanes while i was momentarily out.
i was almost home too. but anyway, i'm alive, unscathed, and thankful... i think the worst thing was the fact that i was very awake after the whole shit happened. my tire blew out and so i had 2 pull over on the right shoulder.
called AAA and waited for about a 1/2 hour for a tow truck. it was the most harrowing 1/2 hour in a while i must say. reason being was that i was pulled over at somewhat of a blind corner on the freeway. for a 1/2 hour, i was watching cars in my rearview mirror, praying that no one would hit me from behind.
trucks would zoom by and make my car shudder. people would hi beam me as if to let me know "hey don't stay there"
like i frickin' wanted to be there.
hazard lights mean just that. there is a hazard here. go around, dicks.
JUNKYARD DOG
besides being thankful for being alive and uninjured. i got to hang out with my dad a lil bit when we went 2 the junkyard to look for parts for my car. luckily my car is pretty common and i was able to find a few of my cars there.
i felt like mad max in my personal junky thunderdome.
i went ape shit trying to take shit out. "oh i could fix this, i could fix that..." and then later, i realized it would take more work to get all of that shit fixed than the car was worth.
so i just put the pieces back all ripped apart... haha
my dad and i copped a replacement rim for my car, a new headlight unit and some tubes and light bulbs that we stashed in my dad's toolbox.
karma...
Thursday, March 18, 2004
was the title of a book i read today. went to a local elementary school to be a judge for a young author's competition. this book by a second grader stuck out to me because of the level of violence and reality that was in it. in his story "jason x" gets locked up, goes on a killing spree in california, then hides out in mexico to kill some more.
then he gets eaten by a shark and lives inside the shark. then he gets cut in half and still survives albiet covered in goo.
someone's watching too much late night tv. or hell is it prime time that is that violent nowadays?
i wouldn't know cuz i only watch dave chappelle, sportscenter and the occasional iron chef episode.
but anyway, a few other books stood out by some fourth graders. My other favorite was one about 2 girl classmates who found out their parents got the wrong baby at birth and then the chaos that happened after the mix-up. i gave her 100 out of 100 points for creativity, suspense, character building and a climactic finish.
i found myself judging rather easily compared to my colleagues. the judging categories were as follows... creativity, illustration, story development, language skills, binding design and overall impression.
for creativity, i found myself giving more points to kids who colored outside of the lines (in an artistic ay), colored giraffes in rainbow colors, made non-traditional style houses and basically anything else that looked "weird"
since im an artist myself, i was partial to those who had better drawing skills. however i also graded high for effort, number of eraser marks, choice of crayon colors.
story development is kinda tough to judge when u are dealing with k-4th grade students. i gave the most points for kids who had a good story, and some sort of resolution. i gave kids with tangential thought points too because hell, they probably get enough shit for being tangential to begin with.
why stifle creativty at such an early age?
so what if everyone likes bunnies or like to kill wrestlers. who cares about normal. i think for this school i was impressed with every book. the lowest grade i gave was a 71/100 because homeboy didnt even try that well. one judge was throwing out 70's and 60's like there was a sale at wal-mart.
why don't u just tell them they're ugly and worthless while you're at it. christ.
i really hope the students don't get to see the scores because some of them were very low. i scored the same book at 90 when the other judge gave it a 60.
wtf...
so anyway, i think i'm gonna do some stories on this site. haven't done that in a while. who knows maybe it'll be a round robin.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
*shout out 2 belle's post for inspiring this early morning blog*
i wonder what mel gibson's doing with all the money he made from his film on the passion... at the risk of sounding like a bitter cynic, i think that this movie was blown up because of the hype surrounding it. the oldest capitalist trick in the book: "see it if you're christian, see it if you're not christian." basically see it because u have to pay 10 bucks to get into the door. "we'll hype it up to make it more of an issue than it really is, expoliting the assumed differences between different faiths, creeds, religions, etc..."
disheartening
if this dvd sells for full price, i won't be surprised. if it's at a discounted rate or hell if he gave them out for free, i will then eat my words.
with all of that said, now onto the movie!
i had written previously about this movie but my response to someone else's writing triggered new thoughts as of this morning at 6:45am (yeh, im one of those early thinker types)...
i wasn't planning on watching it, but my mom wanted 2 see it and my dad didn't want to watch it so i took her. i told her that god said it was ok i watch this instead of go to church that sunday. i won't bring up the jokes i made about selling communion right next to the popcorn. (doh)
anyway...
yes it was sad 2 see jesus go thru that, yes the pharisees were jewish and yes i felt it was gratuitous violence. to me it's old school catholic values in widescreen format (ie. you should feel guilty as hell you sinners, look how this man died for you).
which of course was not jesus' point at all, diba?
the same jesus who said to love your enemies as yourself, the one who told everyone to chill out and share with each other.
in the past, the catholic church has been known to be colonizing and exploitive. whatever their reasons were for doing so is besides my point which is this...
i think that this film attempts to be a wake up call for christians, but it's so opposite of what jesus taught that it doesn't empower people to love one another freely (a la jesus' teachings) but instead to love each other out of fear.
if gibson's point was to remind people of what jesus did, wasn't there a more positive way of doing so? my favorite part of this movie was when there was a flashback of jesus making a table. he was messin around with his mom and just being himself.
what better way to show jesus, of course i don't know if that really happened between them, but it could have happened, regardless, it brought out the human side of jesus, which is the positive thing i took away from this movie.
whenever movies come into play, it's always about money. notice that none of the major hollywood players backed this movie. it was probably because they are jewish owned or were afraid of being branded anti-semetic.
either way, that's another argument for another blog right there....
Thursday, March 11, 2004
the new battery i got for our agency van is drained again. all of the sudden my coworkers and i became mechanics and started troubleshooting. one thinks it's the starter, the other thinks it's a short in the electronic system
i think the van is cursed.
we were supposed 2 take the funky fresh females to second saturday in downtown. for those non-sac heads, second saturday is the designated art gallery/show/exhibit day for all the downtown galleries. there was going 2 be a show at Re:vibe a boutique owned by a groundworks colleague.
now before i open the bidding to all the psuedomechanics out there, here are the van specs....
'91 Ford Econoline 250
V8 5.8L
just bought a new battery (sears diehard)
40GB HD
256MB RAM
ok, let the speculation begin...
as i type this, the battery is being taken back 2 sears for testing.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
"u didn't call me on my special day"
i want 2 say, "i need to feel special too"
she said, "come get your shit"
i feel like sayin', "just throw it away".
u don't seem to understand
what impact u had on me
i was open to you for years
but i got shit on, no really...
it seems that
u still only
think about u.
u call me
then question me,
"why did u pick up the phone?
i thought u weren't talking to me?"
as if i was your puppet to
control indefinitely
fuck that...
cutting the strings
cutting the strings
cutting the strings
it hurts but i gotta do it
feel bad but shit,
i need 2 live too
you had your chance
but u fucked it up
and then u're gonna question me
when i decide to let u in for a sec?
who is u?
true love?
or true blue?
incomprehensible feelings
hidden within the new
i know i wasn't exactly perfect either
but i never lied 2 you.
that was the one thing
that i could do without
i took everything else
but the lying left me with
oceans of doubt
forced me to break out of this cycle
helped me 2 see the light
so i guess it's a good thing
things happened the way they did
so for now, i'm not gonna respond 2 u
i'll do it when i'm ready
i can't risk falling back into the trap
i have a life that's more steady
with someone who feels worthy
someone who makes me feel
like i'm the most important person in her world
so how can i even
and i don't need u to tell me
when and where to be your friend.
Monday, March 08, 2004
had a very eventful and positive weekend. feels like i'm still floating from it. i have not felt this way in a long time. lately i've been getting closer with a certain individual who is pretty much changing the way i look at the world.
in all honesty, i almost shut this whole thing down before it started, but now i realize that this is where i need to be and it is she is who inspires me.
like i said a while back, just when you think you got this love thing down, you realize there's a whole other world out there.
i feel like a new person, supported and uplifted. i feel reenergized and it's not like i'm putting all of this on her, but in actuality, she's helping me to just reenergize myself. i can't explain it any better nor do i care 2 right now. hahha... it's a beautiful day outside and i'm gonna go out there and live... peace!
Sunday, March 07, 2004
the following is a poem by one of our PYC sacramento students. she wrote this and performed it at a past showcase last month. i wanted to share it with all of you. krystle goes to hiram johnson high school and has been involved in community work up here in sac for a few years now. she is definitely down... peep her work below...
Nanay
by: Krystle "xLe" Jong
Who am I, mother?
For I cannot see myself in your beautiful, brown eyes;
I cannot see the strong Filipina that you are,
the tough pinay you came to be
coming here to America and trying to live successfully.
I don’t see it being part of me.
I don’t feel the culture you were brought up in back in the Philippines.
Instead I see the hidden disappointment of
how I’m so different from your beliefs,
how I’m so opposite of traditions you tried to instill within me.
I see your confusion of why I don’t understand your immigrant accent,
or how I don’t appreciate the hardships you faced because you weren’t puti;
when you were truly the minority here,
breaking down doors for me so I could live more freely.
You sacrificed, you cried, you bled for me.
And it is only now that I see how naïve I was,
how stupid I was to try and defy your teachings;
how lucky I am that you were my everything.
Now I have things a little more easily.
I never faced the demons that you did to survive in this nation.
Only now do I regret for rebelling against your disciplining me.
I regret all those times I sarcastically snapped at you
when you couldn’t say words properly,
and I wish I could take back all those times
I had denied being pinay,
those times when I would try to act “white”.
And only now am I ever so proud to be brown.
It is only now am I learning the history of my heritage,
learning the people of my ancestry,
learning Tagalog and experiencing its pronunciation difficulties.
Mama, I’m sorry for failing to see and respect a beauty
that is deeply part of me,
but it is a blessing to see it now
than to have never,
and deprive my future children of who they are forever.
Thank you for all your patience, your love, your sacrifice, your beauty,
you caring, your knowledge, your wisdom, your tradition,
your guidance, your teaching, your everything.
For how all the things you did helped me along with my tardy finding
of the ethnicity I was born to be.
Only now can I hope to make up for my mistakes,
somehow redeem myself as your daughter,
your American-born Filipina daughter
who finally sees the importance in her identity
and the significant role you played
in getting me to come to terms with that reality.
Maraming salamat po, mother
for being my teacher, friend, counselor—life.
Thank you for being nanay.
Monday, March 01, 2004
i had saved a blog as a draft. i come back here and it's gone. prt.
i don't remember it anymore. oh well.
