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Friday, November 29, 2002
DEEP FRIED GOODNESS posted on 11/29/2002 12:30:46 AM by agentCB
25 MINUTES LATER posted on 11/26/2002 05:55:18 PM by luv
ORALS posted on 11/26/2002 03:02:11 PM by agentCB
40 DAYS 40 NIGHTS posted on 11/24/2002 11:11:00 PM by agentCB
LOST IN L.A. posted on 11/22/2002 10:17:46 AM by luv
REBIRTH posted on 11/21/2002 01:07:51 PM by agentCB
This Lonely Night posted on 11/19/2002 06:05:42 PM by agentCB
LOVE IS FOR ME posted on 11/18/2002 11:49:01 AM by agentCB
VACATION TIME posted on 11/18/2002 09:04:25 AM by luv
INSOMNIA posted on 11/16/2002 03:00:04 AM by agentCB
ASIAN AMERICAN posted on 11/15/2002 12:18:11 AM by agentCB
8 MILES TO GO posted on 11/12/2002 03:07:20 PM by agentCB
i just spent four hours working on the pyc sacramento website. sometimes i hate being a perfectionist.
posted on 11/06/2002 10:37:44 PM by agentCB
DUAL PASSIONED posted on 11/04/2002 12:35:19 PM by agentCB
BADDA BING posted on 11/01/2002 03:03:05 PM by agentCB
this year, i had the (dis)honor of being appointed lumpia fryer at our thanksgiving party with the family. auntie nene (don't we all have one) made her famous shrimp and garlic lumpia. hella bomb. pops appointed me to fry because he didn't want to do it. moms doesn't like frying in the house cuz it smells up the place.
come 2 think of it, mom doesn't like the house smelling like food at all. everytime she cooks, all the windows and doors are open to air out the smell... regardless of season. 40 degrees outside, it doesn't matter.
anyway... had a nice little thanksgiving with the extended family (it don't feel like holidays without em) and the immediate fam. luvbug was in sacto with her family.
i also made this bourgeois salad i was first introduced to at this scholarship banquet i went to at the radisson in sacto. feta cheese, red bell peppers, apples (or pears), mushrooms, and candied walnuts. top it off with a raspberry vinegrette (if that's spelled wrong i don't care... i don't feel like going downstairs to look at the bottle in the fridge). i added the mushrooms cuz i like them, after today's salad however, they may be omitted forever.
the family liked the salad. i like it 2 because it's crunchy, sweet and salady all at the same time. ok, salady isn't a word, but what i mean is that it's healthy.
better than a big mac at least... anyway.. here's what i ate for thanksgiving
salad, rice, pancit, turkey, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and about 8 shanghai size lumpias.
the lumpia did me in. couldn't get enough...
what did everyone have for dinner? respond se vous plait
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Finally, I'm done. I have officially passed my oral case presentation, despite the fact that my presentation went over by 10 minutes. I can't wait to get my actual diploma. Hmm...should I get a CSUS frame????
everyone wish luvbug the best of luck today... she has her oral exams for her master's at 3pm. no it's not what you think you sick fucks. no, she's not getting her teeth cleaned either.
knock 'em dead, babe
Sunday, November 24, 2002
went the bay this weekend to do the final farewell for cousin ricky... had the rosary on the 40th day after the funeral. in filipino tradition (as far as i know, there may be more cultures/religions that do this) you pray the rosary for nine days after and then on the 40th day. it's supposed to guide the soul to heaven and out of purgatory. old school peeps pray the rosary for 40 days straight.
in a weird way, seeing all the relatives at my auntie's house felt kinda like christmas. it's been years since we've gotten together like that. crazy thing was that wasn't even everyone in the family.
THEY'RE PLAYING BASKETBALL
got shook on the court for my first return to the court since the thumb dislocation incident back in late august. rusty as fuck, i did pretty good on defense, but missed some easy shit. never fear. 5 games later i finally started getting the feel again. body is sore though. need to play more. verse get back up here already.
CHECKMATE
i come home to vallejo to see my parents come together with a new pass time, chess. moms picked up a "chess for beginners" set from the thrift store for 75 cents. it was endorsed by bobby fischer himself in 1966 or something. one piece was missing so mom copped it from another set. (this is where i get my ethics). it's always good to see my parents do things together. dad finally beat my mom after how many days of trying. then he quit playing. if you're gonna go, go out like a champ.
so moms turns to me to be grasshopper to her blind master. (kung-fu was bruce lee's idea for all u non-believers). mom had to show me all the moves and i barely got the hang of it. mom made a wrong move and i got her queen early in the game. i had her on the run most of the game, checkmate here, checkmate there... mom was heated.
she tried to cheat by changing her move and shit... fuck that, cobra kai's say mercy is for the weak so i lit her up for the win.
next game i beat her in 2 moves. she moved her queen too soon to get my pawn. i killed her with my queen. she gave up.
by this time i was thinking, "damn, i must be a natural" because my mom is one competitive woman. she hates losing. whoops my ass in cribbage and scrabble 24/7. but for me to go up 2-0 on my mom in chess? wtf? and this was the first time i played where the moves made sense ( i used to play as a kid, but it was with my brother as we played war with the pieces). my mom made some off color remark about how it had to be the college that allowed me to beat her. yeh, good thing i took chess 101 in undergrad.
for the final game, i get cocky and try some new shit. bam, there goes my rook. bam, there goes my knight. bam there goes my bishop. my king is trapped in the corner. "i beat the college boy" she said with glee.
this was your game, mom... now it's mine! time to hit up the thrift store for a chess set
Friday, November 22, 2002
It was bad enough that we got a late start due to some students who drank a little too much and either broke somethig in their hotel room or just couldn't get the heck up.
So, all three vans are heading south on 405 towards Long Beach. As we try to keep up with the lead van who is obviously pissed off because he had to pay for the damages, we trail behind as traffic begins to build up.
Traffic gets so bad, that the two big 15 passenger vans are no longer insight. "Oh, wait there they are, they are existing!"
So what do I do? I exist off of Norwalk. Then, I realized that within my view, there was only one van with no license plate. IT WASN'T THEM!!!!!
So we get off ask directions, get back on to 405 S, call my wonderful busy brother for directions to UCI. Thank God for cell phones.
Our coordinator finally calls us about an hour later. So, I finally got the rest of the crew (5 students) to UCI half an hour after our scheduled time, but we got there. I, of course, was pretty irritated with L.A's drivers. I began to feel like one and the student's said I was starting to drive like one.
No more 15 passenger van driving for me; especially to L.A.
Tra
Thursday, November 21, 2002
it's amazing how you can see so much more in a person if you just step back for a minute and take a look from a different perspective. you have so much more objectivity and less bias. it sucks sometimes how life can get u all caught up and then the people around you start looking different. in actuality, you are the one who usually is different, whether it's stress or strain that's causing your eyesight to go.
REASON
i'm blowin up my studio with the program "reason" it's fuckin' dope. my songs have a little different feel to them. i used to shun sampling but it's yet another creative outlet in hip hop. there are two types of sampling producers in the world... on one hand are the puff daddies who jack whole measures of old hits and regurgitate the groove into a club hit. then there are the true underground pioneers holding it down for the real... the dj premiere's of the world...
consider me on the gangstarr side of things
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
Amidst the pain and loneliness
Left from my departure
I still know it’s not the right time
Right now i'm far from spectacular
My attempts at happiness
Yield unsuccessful captures
Cuz we all know
One can’t stop time
Or go back to “how it used to be”
I’m torn between
“We can work it out”
And “Fuck this, I need to move on out”
Too much thinking without feeling
Gets me tired
As I know you are
Just as tired as me
Cuz one can only love so much
Until it becomes a burden
Instead of something we look forward to
We get upset but remain unspoken
Uncertain that our pathways are
Destined to lay together,
I endeavor
Every last muscle in my body
To make our futures much better
And now I’m finding out that
This is why I’m where I’m at
Cuz I failed to see that I can only
Work so much for “we”
And in the process neglect “me”
Before it gets to the point that it starts to feel like
“It wasn’t meant to be”
Yet I’ll hold on to us as much as I can
Because of that feeling I get
When you’re next to me
Yeah, that one…
The one that makes me feel like
Everything will be alright
As long as I get through the drama
And hold together on this lonely night
Monday, November 18, 2002
love can be as simple as a glance shared between two
or as complex as proving the quadratic formula
both extremes are amazingly beautiful
and at the same time
can be bizarre and unfamiliar
and just when you think u got it locked down
you turn around
and find yourself on lock down
but instead of trying to figure out
how to escape
finding out how to be o.k. in this new landscape
or so i'm learning...
once in a while i catch myself looking at greener pastures
wondering "what other beauty is out there?"
short of breath, i wrestle
with insecurity deep within my vessel
of love, that pumps confusion
through my veins
cuz insecurity wants me to get out
and i want to...
stay for a while.
tired of looking, speculating, judging, creating
tired of putting my best foot forward
tired of playing the game
getting played by the game
if it's all the same,
i'd rather refrain
and see what this love shit
is really all about
i guess this is how love is for me
stay for a while and we can work it out
I'm on "vacation" and in a way it's a good thing because this week as well as next week are extremely important.
This week, I will be supervising a college tour to UCLA and UCR. The program I work for is taking about 35 students and I have to drive. I don't feel to comfortable about that, considering that it is 15 passenger van.
Anyhow, then this weekend our program is putting on a Multicultural event and there is still a lot of stuff to finalize.
Then, there is the BIG scarey Tuesday next week. I have an oral case study presentation that will determine if I will be graduating on December 20th. Man, I have had any time to practice.
There's too much drama in the air....
Saturday, November 16, 2002
no, this is not about the movie with robin williams and robert deniro(?) i actually can't sleep right now. it's friggin 2:45am and i'm supposed to be waking up at around 7am to leave sacto by 8am. i'm driving to san jose tomorrow (or shall i say in a few hours) for a youth conference put together by FYC san jose. PYC sacto will be there as well (hopefully).
anyway, luvbug and i were waiting for my coworkers to give us a call to go out, it got late and we both fell asleep watching vh1's top 100 love songs of all time. they robbed my brother al green by placing my all time favorite slow jam "let's stay together" at a measly 46. fuck that. give that brother top ten at least.
anyway...
now i have a theory about sleep that i casually call the "window of sleepiness" theory. it's based on circadian rhythms. basically, i believe that everyone has a window of sleepiness, where one will normally get tired and hit the hay. however if you happen to stay up past that window, it will be hard for you to fall asleep. or you could also sleep a little before, wake up and stay up past your window: basically dooming yourself to stay up to ungodly hours in the night.
and that's where i am right now. i fell asleep earlier because i ate hecka at luvbug's work mixer. i wanted to burn that shit off too with some dancing but coworkers flaked. and since i slept before my window, i have been wide awake since 1am. i tried to go to bed but nothing happening.
thank god for the internet
Friday, November 15, 2002
i used to claim the hell out of this title. asian american. strictly a political term, yet it seems like we're all forced into this idea that all people of asian descent are supposed to fit in here.
i'm all for unity, don't get me wrong. i just don't know if calling a diverse bunch of muthafucka's all one name is a good idea.
let's take white people for example.
white people can be broken up into germans, italians, french, british, yiddish, chechen, spanish, swedish. but they all call themselves white.
and what has happened to them? where is their culture?
apple pie, baseball, miss america pageants, country music, trailer parks granted they all had skin color in common, yet they all had different languages when they were immigrants to this country. now they are one big mass of people that watch golden girls and eat mayonaisse sandwhiches
ok that was a stereotype... my bad.
in the future, who's to say that asians and pacific islanders won't succumb to the same route. imagine a world where all asian pacific islander cultures were just surface level... i think that would suck ass majorly.
but in reality, this is where we are heading, yeh we have the newer immigrants holding it down for us... the foreign exchange students at berkeley and davis who feel they can wake up and go to class without going to the bathroom to wash their face or anything.
yet another stereotype... my bad again.
but even these people will have kids here, people like me who lost or had part of their culture taken away from them. lots of people i know barely know their culture, yet they have pride in being "asian."
what the hell does that mean for you?
by accepting the term "asian american" i think we limit ourselves and give the white people an easy way to deal with us.
"just call em all asian, its' easier"
i think that our culture is what saves us from the bullshit in this world, and i'm sorry white people, but this is a white man's world...
it's easy to be colorblind if your fuckin color is all over everywhere. we have to go the the "oriental markets" and the asian restaurants to see people that look like us. and then again, we don't even speak the same language.
i suppose as we all lose our culture, heritage, and language, we are supposed to form this generic "colorblind" mass of people called "asian americans"?
i beg to differ
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
peeped 8 mile with luvbug and an old friend over the weekend. it was better than i thought. although it was loosely based on eminem's life, it kinda gives you a good picture of what he went through to make it up there.
the only thing is that in real life, his battle rhymes were way more wicked. no stage fright...
more slim shady
it was a good movie. i was inspired to work on beats after. however other stuff came up...
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
Monday, November 04, 2002
at times i feel like i have 2 passions in life. one for community activism and one for music. one of my everyday struggles is trying to make the 2 work together. sometimes i feel like the community part is overpowering the music one, since it could lead to a very stable and respectable career.
my true passion however is in music.
not to say that community work is not as important, but since it's tied in to my career plans, it's hard for me to discern between the 2 at times. i've been able to do what i do and get paid for it which is cool. unfortunately now i need to do it to survive.
that's not good when you're trying to do music
that in itself is a fulltime career. in my opinion it demands even more work at the beginning because just getting to that level where you're considered a "pro" is very hard to get to. at times i feel like i'm trying to put the community on my back and take it with me.
so i guess that's where i am right now. trying to leave shit but knowing i'll come back home, u know?
Friday, November 01, 2002
hit up this new bar in the arden area of sacramento. it's a pretty cool little joint reminiscent of the grungy little bars in sf. i noticed they have the v.s.o.p version of hennessy and not the usual buy-me-at-albertson's v.s. version me and the guys usually indulge in.
i had to have a shot.
i ordered a shot of henny and luvbug picked up a blue hawaii. total bill... $7.75
HOLD UP...
i looked at the bartender... "for both drinks right?" he nodded his head yes and looked at me as if i was an alien from another planet. i did not argue anymore and handed him a twenty. usually i'd expect to get 3 bucks back, but damn i got twelve back.
i asked them if they got a bed and if i could sleep over.
does that mean i have a problem? haha
