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Tuesday, November 27, 2001
MAKIN' A RAQUET posted on 11/27/2001 10:25:27 PM by agentCB
WINTER SUCKS posted on 11/24/2001 10:24:56 PM by agentCB
THE BIG ONE IS BACK... posted on 11/22/2001 09:37:46 AM by agentCB
CONSUMERS posted on 11/17/2001 09:13:25 PM by agentCB
HILLS AHEAD posted on 11/16/2001 08:37:09 AM by agentCB
AFTERMATH posted on 11/15/2001 07:39:31 AM by agentCB
FREEWAY OF LOVE posted on 11/13/2001 08:45:38 AM by agentCB
HARBORIN' THE PEARLS posted on 11/12/2001 02:56:25 PM by agentCB
PINAYISMS posted on 11/04/2001 08:16:59 AM by agentCB
K-PAX posted on 11/03/2001 07:07:02 AM by agentCB
SLEEPY HOLLOW posted on 11/02/2001 08:40:57 AM by agentCB
last night i went to 24hr workout with luvbug and her friend chiggity to play some raquetball. that shit is pretty fun, once u get a hang of the rules. i got beat, but it was fun... however, my right forearm isn't happy with me... tendonitis and all...
*poppin some motrin*
HOOP DREAMS
today i balled for about an hour and a half at this one outdoor court. we played full court and i felt a little less anxious about playin... i was so used to playin half court that i totally lost my game when we played full. it was as if i was playing for the first time all over again...
so my ish is starting to come together. i took a few jays but no love from the rim... hella open shots too... prrt. i got a lay-up so i'm cool... i was more effective on defense though... hella picks and a few rebounds. my stamina was up too, i was able to run back and forth without soundling like i was partaking in a lamaze class.
time to vanilla ice my back, ankles and forearm. or else im gonna be sore tomm. peace and i'm out...
Saturday, November 24, 2001
ok it doesn't really, but the cold weather sure does know how to make a person procrastinate. today i cleaned the pool. there was a fatty storm last night and it was hella windy and hella raining. there was about 8 million leaves in the pool. give or take 6 million. water kept splashing on me and my hands were pretty much frozen.
one of my fish died today. the little runt of a tetra that refused to die finallly did so... RIP little buddy. it turns out my aquarium had a fungus infection. big time. i had to clean out all the excess uneaten food, each piece looked like dandelion fluff. nasty. i couldn't find my beta, i thought he was dead, another victim of the ruthless fungus invasion, but i found him hiding under a plastic plant.
brotha looks toe up... fins all rottting and stuff. i bought some fungus killing tablets today and hopefully i knocked the fidduck out of all them lil fungus bastards. my beta is hardcore... he's struggling right now in medicated water that has an eerie green tinge to it. let's hope it works. i wonder how my beta at work is doing.
speaking of betas, i neglected to let ya'll know that i bought 2 betas. one red and one blue. (to keep the gang truce thing going... prrt) the red one's at work in his little plastic fish bowl on top of my desk. the blue one is at home ailing right now due to the fungus invasion.
i'll keep ya'll posted...
Thursday, November 22, 2001
(circus vargas circus vargas) well not really... but verbage is back though... i finally recoded all the old shiz and took off that bloody moratorium... peep it for yourself...
today the parents are coming up for thanksgiving. my brother has to work all day thursday we decided to have thanksgiving dinner in sacramento instead of vallejo. a good call by my parents... now all i gotta do is clean the house...
ok so i should get off this computer now... peace...
happy holiday
Saturday, November 17, 2001
for the old school peeps, ya'll remember that store "consumers?" it was a catalogue based joint that didn't have anything in it but catalogs... you fill out a form and then all the stuff is in back. you pay and then it comes out on this conveyor belt. v'oila instant gratification.
i remember moms hookin' it up every christmas, transformers, nintendo, lego. the catalog used to come to the house, it was my bathroom reading material of choice. looking at all the toys in the catalogue made me want everything so badly... damn.
[bonus aside: i remember when i first got the transformer soundwave, as soon as i got home, i opened it up and took out the walkman robot and played with him for days end. then i had to go take a shit so like many little kids do, i brought soundwave with me to the toilet. soundwave comes with two guns. but on the very first day i got it, as i did my courtesy flush, i managed to drop soundwave's sound cannon into the commode next to the other brown cannons already inside. and since it was in midflush i could only look through my legs with horror as i saw the gun spin around at the bottom of the toilet.. shit... talk about shitty luck... HA! get it? shitty luck... prrrt]
anyway, the reason for the shuffle down memory lane was because i went to the mall today with melan the artistic one and christmas came without me even knowing it. it's not even thanksgiving yet and these fuckers got santa and xmas trees all up in the mall. i swear i started smelling pine as soon as halloween was over.
i bought a bunch of shit today. a bartending set, (necessity) some shot glasses (dollar each) and a joystick adapter for my computer, so i can kick my brothers ass in street fighter 2 champion as soon as i get another joystick. a bunch of shit i don't need...
it's always makes me somewhat upset to see them sell out a national holiday, but hey i guess that's what our country's good for... making us buy shit we don't need...
and they call osama crazy?
takes one to know one.
i also ran into tim-dawg and pnayology at the mall... i was supposed to go to the bay with chanteezy, lil twin star and the hoanginator, but my leg was trippin so i decided to chill at home. tendonitis... makes my leg feel like the blood's not going thru my leg veins properly... not a good thing.
i opted for wondering what luvbug was doing and making thai iced tea with pearl for melan the artist. tonight is laundry night and paper writing night.
out like brief candles...
Friday, November 16, 2001
starting to feel the incline in life... at least there's going to be a downhill portion sometime in the near future...
Thursday, November 15, 2001
ok, the i must admit the breakup thing is going pretty well. i'm not really telling anyone, because i'll get the usual "oh ya'll will get back together" or they'll ask what happened, which in unabridged length would take about a good 4 hours or so to talk about... so don't go there.
with the exception of keeping people at bay until they ask me, things are ok. luvbug and i still carpool to our classes and talk on the phone once in a while... i don't have that bitter "i-hate-you-what-did-i-ever-see-in-you" taste in my mouth so it's kinda cool to be able to keep each other in our lives...
all that aside...
things are starting to hit a plateau. i got the cd done, but now i'm worrying about school which will be over by the end of this month. i have lots of stuff to do and i don't really feel like doing any of it, at least until the night before.
i think i took too many classes, too much ish to do... too much stuff on the weekends. we'll see how everything comes together.
Tuesday, November 13, 2001
it was time to own up to the ish i've been feeling inside. luvbug hasn't been treated fairly on my part. we agreed to go our separate ways with the hope that it is a temporary thing. we both have things we have to work on by ourselves. namely me. just a few more hurdles. i thought i got most of them done, but the one thing that i forgot to do was look out for my own needs. that was that big hurdle that i kept going around... you member, member?
that's something i'm not really good at. it's easier to please others i guess... and maybe it's a cultural thing. admittingly, living here in america (land of the free, home of the questionably brave) may have changed my views of love. but i guess sifting through what's cultural, what's learned and what's me is what life is all about i guess.
to make a long story short, we've been putting off the obvious since we got together. we made this a tight rope act. what we didn't know was that there was a net underneath ready to catch us if we happened to fall.
or maybe we didn't want to fall, because i remember those years when i was single and i was steadily building that net of support among friends, family, etc. i had a pretty good net there.
or maybe we thought the tight rope was way off the ground, but in actuality it was about a foot off of the ground. we looked down once in a while and determined that it wouldn't hurt that much to fall, but that didn't change the fact that it was scary to fall.
but still, to fall... what did that mean?
absolutely nothing.
i stand a foot below the tight rope now. (the net is on the ground for all you visual people) saddened that we fell, but surprisingly ok with things. i do miss the balancing and juggling act that brought luvbug and i closer together. but i'm going to try to reach out to her underneath the wire, there's nothing stopping me.
like aaliyah said if we didn't do it right dust yourself off and try again, try again (fikki fikki) and believe me we both tried... but this time i think we both realized that the tight rope shouldn't have been a tight rope. we can add more string to it or hell, even build a freeway on top of it if we wanted to.
so maybe that's what we're gonna do now. i have to look around to see what i can build with, but first i need to take a rest and just do other things for the time being.
the best thing about real love is that there are no ultimatums. just understanding and feeling on both parties. as soon as i get my shit together, maybe we can take off that tight rope and widen the freeway a little bit... maybe add two lanes on each side...
the hardest thing to swallow is that luvbug may not be waiting for me when i'm ready to build... i can only hope. or maybe it'll be someone else.
i don't plan on building anytime soon.
Monday, November 12, 2001
ever since i started working at asian pacific community counseling, i've grown a liking to the different kinds of tapioca drinks out there. my favorite is thai iced tea with pearl. i can't drink thai tea by itself though, it's like drinking the leftover milk after eating a bowl of cereal. that's just something i don't do. i'd rather put more cereal than drink that shit.
anyway... like i said earlier, thai iced tea is my favorite and a close second is mango latte' (which they sell only at java city, but the pearls suck ass). the pearls up in sacramento are usually soft and gooey. the ones they sell in the bay are a little firmer, which i like better.
so anyway, i figured they sell uncooked tapioca balls at our local asian deluxe supermarket (u know, the average restaurant-cell phone-jewelry and grocery store all in one, complete with"exotic" seafood and meat dept.) and sure as shit on a shingle, they got them. bulk size too... 6 bucks for a shitload.
so i take these pearls home and i try cooking them, right... i heard it was a strenous process of boiling and simmering and all that bs. but it actually isn't that hard to do. so now i enjoy pearl drink whenever i feel like cooking it.
now all i have to do now is get the recipe for thai iced tea and then i'm gonna open a pearl drink stand in the front of the house...
Sunday, November 04, 2001
i was asked to hold a workshop by the sisters of kappa psi something or other... (sorry gals, not up on my greek more so my baybayin). it was for their 2nd annual pinay symposium.
it was pretty cool, lots of people and good discussion on pinayism. for those of you not too familiar about pinayism, check out this discussion page.
so my role was to faciliate a workshop on working with youth in the FilAm community and with the API community at large. i really didn't want to lecture so i decided to bust it just like a pyc meeting we hold in sac. you know, with the icebreaker, circle discussion etc... it was cool to hear strangers open up.
i met a few FYC'ers from San Jose (represent!!) Sharmaine Ann and Cheryl. saw AJ from FYC also, from back in the day... we chopped it up about what's been goin on lately... december 8th is know history, know self... the annual conference... hopefully sac can go to that...
anyway.. the workshop went well and i ended up being on a panel in front of friggin everyone there, talkin about women's issues... i was the only guy on the panel and that proved to be an interesting experience.
people asked questions about feminism, pinayism and what pinoys/ays are doing to change things in the community. as the only guy on the panel, i was asked "what's the brother's role" in other words, what can guys do?
luckily i understand what pinayism is about and in fact support it... or it would have been bubba sparxxx up in that mu'fucka ("gettin uuuuuglaaayyy") so i did my thing representin the male role and gettin' the guys in the audience to understand the levels of oppression and discrimination that our own pinays face. and this is not only from society, but also by us pinoys too. understanding that the shit exists, and even though us guys may not fully understand, we need to at the very friggin least acknowledge what's goin on with our pinays.
"supporting is very different that dominating" dr. allyson said and that it can come in the form of an older brother saying to his younger sister "what the hell you doin wearin' that?" even though it may be protecting, at the same time it "blames the victim" and puts the responsibility on the girl vs. changing the society at large (ex: "why is it that girls have to wear short skirts to get attention from guys?") i guess that's where us guys can help out... we can say "ay, i love you regardless of what you wear or put on your face, you don't have to put that shit on for me)
of course shit ain't easy cuz you got people at all different levels of this. some girls like being objectified and like to be half naked on stage at a car show. (50 lashes with a wet noodle to all the guys who just cheered at that last comment)
now we can call this girl a hoochie, slut, bitch, whore, all the names in the book, but you know what? i'll bet that she feels like she has to do that shit just to make herself feel ok. self image so fucked up that she has to expose herself to feel accepted...
now it's all well and good if that's her choice and she has no problems "sharing" her beauty with others but honestly, does it have to be that extreme? do guys feel that same pressure? in some aspects yeah, with being muscular and all, but 9 times out of 10 we see naked girls on TV, movies, and magazines, not men.... thank god... dicks are some ugly things let me tell you... but if we had to go thru the same shit as women and we were all objectified, then hell, when in rome... but it ain't like that, and that's the point of feminism and pinayism.
there are so many levels to this argument i don't even want to get into it because i want to have a productive day and get the hell off this computer, but what i ask you is to just stop and think once in a while...
look around you and you'll see what i'm talkin about... look at a magazine rack, flip around the boob tube a little.. and you'll see sex all over the place...
don't get me wrong, i love women's bodies and all but why is our society so stuck on that shit? why does sex sell so well? (hey that rhymed...) why is that shit in me? mom and dad never taught me that shit i didn't even get the sex talk... it was more like "you better not have sex."
now don't get me wrong, i'm not talkin all this shit and not livin by it... i admit, i do look at maxim once in a while when i'm at a store, but i don't buy that shit cuz i don't want to support it. and yeah nekkid bodies are dope to look at... but hey does that really give us the freedom to have a world wide web that's almost 50% dedicated to porn and mail order bride shit? i personally just think things are getting out of hand... too much of a good thing (ie. too many nekkid women around make us look at women as objects)
if we don't say or do anything then we don't make things any better. we're part of the problem. what can we do?
just start with yourself and think about it for a while... think differently. this doesn't just have to do with sexism, but also racism, dicsrimination and all the 'isms... i'm not asking for a world of change here, but lets take the layers of bullshit away one by one... if you can look at nekkid girls and still respect them as individuals and not as objects then more power to you.
to quote ice cube "really doe" is that realistic? i dunno... that's what i try to do. i'm still a guy, but does that give me license to be ignorant? i don't see it that way.
i'm conflicting myself up the ass here but the reason why is because this is an internal and external dialogue. the part that likes looking at women stays "indoors" in the bedroom if you know what i'm sayin... by the way, the internal dialogue is NOT objectifying either. it's more of the natural genetic lusting after women taking place there. externally or "outdoors" i don't go around hootin' at every smut peddler on the corner.
is that hypocritical? i don't know, maybe... but what's wrong with getting turned on by women? that's too natural to relearn. more realistically, i'm learning to discern the difference between natural lustings and objectification.
i made a comment at that conference and no one picked up on it. i said "but hey, i'm a guy" implying that us guys are just like that... a license for ignorance if you will. no one caught me there... tsk tsk...
and girls... for real... please...
quit lookin at all the goddamn musclemen. love handles are for holding on to during sex.
peace and i'm out
Saturday, November 03, 2001
ok so i got to watch the movie this time. and it was good. i realized that luvbug was into the movie a long way before she woke me up to tell me to get a refund last night. oops...
anyway, the movie was tight. as a grad student in counseling, i thought it was interesting to get a stereotypical hollywood view of psychologists hard at work "curing" people...
without giving anything away, the psychologists pump drugs into people in an institution 24/7/365. of course these are people that are considered "ill" or as chris rock so eloquently puts it "way past robitussin."
ok that's enough about the movie, just go watch it... one of those heartwarming joints where everyone dies at the end...
oh my bad... did i give it away?
Friday, November 02, 2001
last night luvbug and i tried to hit up a late movie... k-pax was showin at the local theatre at 10:15. we got there in time to watch all the previews, but as the movie started, i started fallin' out. my ass was sleepy about 15 mins into the movie. don't get me wrong, the movie seemed cool but i could not hang.
i asked the box office if we could get a refund, so they gave us these "emergency passes" and said we can use them whenever, wherever. so we went home. i can't stay up late like i used too... dang.
maybe it's cuz it was dark... just like that one commercial where there's an old couple eating soup, right... the light bulb goes out and you hear the old dude start snoring, then he falls forward and starts snoring in his soup... haha remember that? prob not huh...
i USED to watch a shitload of tv...
