Didnt write this but it makes a valid point...

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone - - - - particularly fanatics
intent on killing us - airport screeners will not be allowed to profile
people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little
kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who
are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen
with metal hips, and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors.

Let's pause a moment and take the following test.

In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
(a)Olga Corbutt
(b)Sitting Bull
(c)Arnold Schwartzeneger
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1979,the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a)Lost Norwegians
(b)Elvis
(c)A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
(a)John Dillinger
(b)The King of Sweden
(c)The Boy Scouts
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a)A pizza delivery boy
(b)Pee Wee Herman
(c)Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked, and a 70 year old
American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a)The Smurfs
(b)Davy Jones
(c)The Little Mermaid
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy diver was
murdered by:
(a)Captain Kid
(b)Charles Lindberg
(c)Mother Teresa
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a)Scooby Doo
(b)The Tooth Fairy
(c)Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid with dynamite left over from the
train job.
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
(a)Richard Simmons
(b)Grandma Moses
(c)Michael Jordan
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a)Mr. Rogers
(b)Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
(c)The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustapha
the Merciless"
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of
people were killed by:
(a)Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd
(b)The Supreme Court of Florida
(c)Mr. Bean
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
(a)Enron
(b)The Lutheran Church
(c)The NFL
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a)Bonny and Clyde
(b)Captain Kangaroo
(c)Billy Graham
(d)Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Hmmm . . . nope, no patterns anywhere to justify profiling.

I've started to dream again. I don't know how or why. I haven't been. Not for months...no, longer than that...I don't know how long it's been. My dreams are vivid. Not quite lucid but I think I'm getting there. They're never about anything really exciting but they're memorable. Last night I dreamt I was on the bow of a little scooner. I could smell the salt of the sea and the fumes from the engines. I remember feeling that I belonged there...I always did. I remember saying hello to various crew members. Nodding to the first mate. Helping the fishermen cast a crab cage over the side. Wierd no? I know I know, not as entertaining as some of my other stuff but I thought I'd share. If anything I'm documenting exactly when my dreams came back. That way if I loose them again I can at least have this as a reminder of what it was like.

FM

For the record despite my rant below I liked "Attack of the Clones". Go watch it.

My Two Republic Credits (Spoiler Disclaimer: If you haven’t seen AOTC you may not want to read on)

You know what this trilogy needs. It needs someone to offset the clergy-like reverence held for the Jedi not to mention the Force. No not comic relief (have we learned nothing from The Binks disaster?). What we need is Han Fucking Solo. Seriously. Two hours of "Respect this" and "Focus on that" is tedious. They're powerful. They live by a code. Okay enough already! It puts a very Disney-esque shadow over the whole thing. We need a hero that carries a gun dammit. That cusses and spits. That gets paid and has practical/every-man problems...problems I can relate to. Take the Millennium Falcon for example. Han CONSTANTLY had that motherfucker up on jack stands. You wanna talk love story?? Poor guy was always tryin to get in Leah’s pants and didn’t finally get any until part three. Know what I mean? I’m just not feeling Anakin in this capacity and I think that Lucas thought he might have filled this gap

Yeah Anakin's rebellious but really in more of a Hitler-ish way. Putting Sand People in ovens ‘n shit. “I killed them all!!” “I will be the most powerful Jedi ever!” “We need a dictatorship!” Ahem…excuse me…Fraulein Amidala? You don’t think, in your infinite wisdom, that maybe this cat’s a FUCKING PHSYCO!!!! Hello?!!! Did anyone else notice that this guy has NO redeeming qualities?? He’s a dick to his teacher. He fricken almost date rapes a senator. What the fuck!!? Yoda step in man! If you don’t you’re going to wind up exiled in Hayward! Oh wait or was that Degobah?HAHAHHAHA (I am so off track at this point) Anywho….

At this stage in the game I don’t see it happening. Bringing in a Han type character that is. It’s too late. I think we’re pretty much stuck with the principals before us. Oh well….only six more months till another Lord of the Rings.


FM

DMB 05/18/02 Shoreline Amphitheater, Mountain View CA.

They're back. I don't know what happened. No one does. Some speculate that it was the birth of his twins. Some say it was the huge commercial success of "Everyday". If you ask me, it's just a second wind. The Dave Matthews Band has achieved what most bands only dream of and that's a second golden age. With the imminent release of DMB's fifth official studio effort "Busted Stuff", the boys are on a domestic tour spreading the love. If last night's Shoreline show was any indication of what the rest of the tour is like...You must go to one of these shows. If you're reading this early enough...get in your car and drive to Mountain View. Any plans that may be put off as a result will not hold a candle to the experience of this show.

I must’ve seen them two dozen times and last night was special. A profound musical experience. It’s right up there with Ray Brown at Yoshi’s in 99 and Oasis’ “Morning Glory” Tour in 96. I’m finding it difficult to put it into words…It was a “so-so” set-list but every song was played with the intensity of an encore. Re-worked intro’s to old standards like Bartender and Pig. Old-form solo’s with fiery virtuoso indulgence. Bone crushing crescendos that brought me to tears...it was beautiful. It wasn’t “rockin”…no…not that. It was something more. It was communal awe.

FM


Everyday
Granny
When The World Ends
You Never Know
#41
I Did It
Busted Stuff
Fool To Think
Bartender
Song That Jane Likes
Crush
Rhyme & Reason
What Would You Say
Dont Burn The Pig
Where Are You Going
What You Are

__________________

Beauty of Wynona
Lie In Our Graves

Violence for Fitness 1A 3.0 Units F. Monkey

I don’t give a fuck how inebriated you are. You do not hit people. As an adult there are very few circumstances that merit physical violence. Yeah Home Boy maybe I was “staring at you” and perhaps I do ” have a problem” but that doesn’t mean we should act like a pair of fucking gorillas and start pummeling each other does it?

I was at a party the other night. At this party there was a fight. Was it over religious beliefs? Nope. Was it over a monetary debt? Uh uh.

Some guy stared at another guy’s girl for too long.

Can you believe that shit? What are you a fucking Hillbilly? “I aint goin’ out like no punk bitch!!” Wow dude you showed him. That’ll teach him not to mess with your property.

Jesus man get a grip. You know what I wanna do. I wanna take all these provincial new-millennium-rednecks and drop them off in the West Bank, Ramallah maybe. Let’s see how fucking hard you are there, Mr. Notorious F.O.B.. Yeah a little different than the mean streets of Vallejo huh? Idiots.

FM

hahahhaha this guy really needs to hang out with The Monkey. I found this on Craigslist and thought it was the absolute FUNNIEST post ever. Definate must read...and remember I DID NOT WRITE THIS!!! I just think its fuckin hilarious

I REJECT YOUR REJECTION!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-3787517@craigslist.org
Date: Mon May 6 20:41:01 2002



Ladies,

I have shown an infinite amount of patience and understanding with you but I am afraid I cannot comply with your request that we just be friends. I am also very hurt that you can't respect my decision that we should be more than friends. I have repeated this over and over but you just don't seem to get it. You just lurk around thinking that someday I might want to just be friends but rest assured that that will never happen. I am not asking for a full blown case of relationship here, but just some occasional action in bed subject to my mood and availability. We have talked about this many times and I don't know how to get it through your thick skull. I DON'T SEE YOU AS JUST A FRIEND!

Now I have seen some of the guys that you have chosen to give it up to and nobody is impressed. Many times you weren't impressed either but that never stopped you. You obviously have lousy decision making skills and as somebody who wants nothing more than to bang the shit out of you I feel it's my duty to tell you to quit fucking around and get with me, even if it's just for one night. You act so clueless sometimes and I appreciate the great deal of restraint you exercise sometimes but enough is enough.

I've put a lot of effort into letting you know my intentions and how much I would value you as a fuck buddy. You need to quit being selfish and look at the bigger picture here. There are a lot of people out there who would love to have you as just a friend but I am not one of them.

Maybe if things were different then I wouldn't mind being just friends with you. You would make a great friend to somebody else but just not to me. You have to understand. It's all about timing and can't you just respect the fact that I envision you as being a nasty slut in bed? I really don't want to sit around and watch a movie or hang out and pretend I care about your problems. You can talk all you want with my dick in your mouth as long as you don't scrape it with your teeth.

Who knows, maybe down the line we can just be friends but I am really not looking for that right now. What I really need more than anything right now is somebody that knows I want to fuck and doesn't misinterpret that as friendship. I haven't mislead you in any way and if I have ever given off the impression that I cared about you as more than just a piece of ass, then I truly am sorry. These things happen.

You are one of the greatest people I have ever met and I know that someday you will find that special somebody that just wants to be friends and I hope I will be there for you when that happens, while I'm shoving my tongue in your ass. I don't mean to sound harsh or hurt your feelings but I don't know how else to say it and I am being honest when I say I couldn't give less of a shit about how you feel since you can’t respect the most basic of my wishes.

I hope this time I have made myself clear and next time we see each other you better be naked with your ass in the air.

Loss. Loss is a funny thing. Especially self inflicted loss. Like when you throw away your tray at Sbarro's and four hours later realize "fuck I left my retainer in a wadded up napkin on my plate". What am I supposed to do? Do I dig thru the mountain of public refuse to try and salvage that little fucker or do I go back to my orthodontist and get fitted for another one? I'm not a consistent enough person to say I'd normally do one or the other. I wish I was. On one hand it's just a quick trip to the orthodontist to get a new one fitted but jesus Im already used to the old one. I like the old one. The old one was comfortable. Who knows perhapse in the time that Ive had the old one some new plastics were put into use that make for a lighter, stronger, better fitting retainer....or...the one that I had has been discontinued and is now highly sought after as a collector's item due to its superior, "old fashioned" oral comfort. hahahahah shit. What am I doing? Where is this going? It's days like this that you wish someone would threaten you so you could justifiably kick the shit out of someone. Prefereably some jackass with a tie and a "Don't mess with Texas" sticker on his Beemer.

Anywho, yeah, I'm stupid I know. I just hope that when I get my head out of my ass and it turns out that I want that retainer that someone else hasnt already washed it off and stuck it into their face.

Tactless as usual..
FM

(PS Spelling is overrated)

I've got this friend. Let's call her Pat. Now Pat has lead a fairly sheltered life. The kind of sanitized Filipino Catholic upbringing that leaves only the most benign of activities acceptable. It's weird the duality in Pat. On one hand she's the toughest most fearless little mamma I’ve ever met and on the other she's scared of her own shadow, afraid to taste life without a bib. People like Pat fascinate me. Maybe it's just The Monkey but I tend to think that the world is a far too fascinating and beautiful place to live under a rock (or altar whichever the case may be ;-). I think that statement needs some clarification. I don't believe in unnecessary risks. I’m not saying that we should all run around with scissors or have our airbags removed. What I am saying is if you've always wanted to stroll down the beach at midnight but never have for fear of the boogey man...there’s something wrong. What's the worst thing that could happen? You could be killed right? I don't think I'd want to live in a world where I couldn’t take in its beauty anyway so Mr. Nightstalker if your out there, slash away. hahhaha Okay that’s a little extreme I know but you get my point.

I would much rather live a quick life filled with love, beauty, and experience than a long one filled with fear, regret and ignorance. In essence Id rather be a Kennedy.

So Pat if you're out there, whenever you’re ready, throw on a sweater and give me a call. Santa Cruz is only an hour away...


FM

"An Industry of Cool"

After a three-day bender I decided to give the old temple a rest yesterday. So I put on some sweats, popped a couple of Tylenol PM's and threw in a movie that I must've seen, oh I dunno, 30 times. Almost Famous. Despite my codine enduced lethargy I was more awake for that two hours than Id been all weekend. Something about the combination of The Coachella Festival and meeting Dave Grohl made me see this movie thru a slightly different shade of goggles. For the first time I found my self truly connecting with William. Not the romantic subtext of his story but his fore front romance with the music. The world needs more Williams. People that LOVE music. Not just passively enjoy it as a dickless soundtrack to their sterile anti-bacterial lives but listen to it and try to make a connection even if it means acknowledging feelings that make them uncomfortable. There is something so magical about a rock band. Five guys hell bent on making you feel them. Be it joy or anger or lust it’s a celebration of the human condition. It’s when this celebration is used to sell “cool” that things get...well…shitty. Turn off your radios and stop listening to tastelessly sampled music (it’s bad for you and it will make you fat).

Music fit for human consumption…(in no particular order)

Elton John
Good Bye Yellow Brick Road

The Guess Who
Tommy

Pink Floyd
Dark Side of the Moon

Oasis
What’s the Story (Morning Glory)

Weezer
Blue

Led Zeppelin
Any and all. (but if your broke ass can only get one album buy “IV”)

Tribe Called Quest
Low End Theory

Dave Matthews Band
Dave and Tim Live From Luther College

The Beatles
Everything past “Help” works for me but you can safely purchase anything with the Fab Four on the cover.

Radiohead
The Bends (great fucking album good luck finding it used)

Go now in peace my children and let the healing begin.

FM