It's seven pm on sunday and I'm at work. I'm not really working- just happened to be in school to help an ex-classmate out with an econ experiment. And now am kinda waiting for Nate to get back so we can have dinner, although I really have half a mind to go home. Not out of spite or anything, but just cos I want to be home with my cat and play my violin or watch tv or something.
But I know when I'm home I'd wish I was with Nate having dinner. We don't spend enough time togehter- at least that's what I feel, but I'm too chicken and too shy to make a note of it and say something. I'm passive aggressive. Dating these days is like constantly having to make two appointments a week with your dentist. Ok, maybe not the dentist, but you know what I mean. Everyone has schedules. I have a schedule, he has a schedule, my cat has a schedule. He has to squeeze me in, I have to squeeze him in.
And I recently read about how couples stay together especially for the holidays, just coz... everyone wants to be loved during this season... at least til February. God, I hope that's not us. I'm uber paranoid these days. Since Eddie. But am trying not to give into the craziness of it all. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? I can still go out with those random people who email me on friendster.
Not.
See what I mean about being paranoid?
Ithink singlehood is as much cultivated as couplehood is. You know how some people depend on their spouses or significant other so much so that you wonder where their own selves begin? Well, I think single people cultivate that dependency on singlehood just as much. It's not safe to be in a relationship. What if it falls apart? So you have all these things that keep you going and being without them is as tragic as not being with your s.o. I'd rather be with my cat, I'd rather go out with my girlfriends, I'd rather learn the violin and spend hours practicing it, than show up at a singles bar/ party and have to make small talk. I'd give up this lifestyle in a day, but I can't. I'm addicted to it. There's just such strangeness to this.