Money Shot's Cheat Sheet for a Night of Debauchery
Elaine Benitz on T.V.'s Seinfield once commented that women's bodies are a work of art while men's bodies are like Jeeps just getting them from point A to Point B. A discussion of what's good naked and bad naked ensues.
Guys are weird. I mean if a woman has a birthday she'll most likely have a nice dinner and do some shopping with her gal pals. What do guys do? They go to a strip club. What better way to celebrate another 365 days on this blue rock than go and watch hot nekkid chicks and spend cash faster than the department of defense? How can one survive with their dignity and bank statement in the black?
Here's how:
1. Eat Cheap. Guys are pigs, if they don't eat at home and they know they're going to be at a strip club they usually buy the cheapest thing they could find. For example, this past week when I stopped over at my friendly neighborhood taco hell and ate 2 regular taco's and a bean burrito. How much? $2.70 with tax. Of course this saves more for the night ahead.
2. Don't go to a strip club on Thur. Fri. Sat. this is prime time, the club is crowded and the lap dances go faster than a Hollywood marriage. The women are driven to make as much money in a short a span as possible. Exception: when there's a "headliner" e.g. famous A-list adult film entertainer if she's a guy favorite then by all means go. Instead go on a Tue. and Wed. it's less crowded and sometimes they have specials like 2 for 1 lap dances. I have bad memories of going to a stip club on a Thursday when it was "oatmeal" wrestling nite. But I digress.
3. Arrive early. You know most guys are buncha laggers. Like my best friend "Smoking Gun". I mean he'll call on his cell phone say's he's leaving and arrive 45 min. late to an event. However, tell him you have coupons for C.H. before 8 p.m. he'll be at my house in 15min. at 6:00pm. Most places if you arrive before 8:00 usually gets you 5-10 bucks off with a coupon. B.T.W this is the few times men use the word "coupon." Five extra bucks can help with tipping and save money for a lap dance.
4. Have a Budget. Most mistakes guys make is they spend their money really fast on lap dances right away. Come to the club prepared to spend only so much. Leave the ATM and Credit Cards at home. Bank and ATM fees as well as credit card finance charges add up.
5. Don't drink alcohol. If you go to a fully nude bar they usually don't serve alcohol and then you drop another 20-30 bucks in the bar next door which is silly b/c that money could have gone to tipping or a lap dance. One thing I thought was really funny this time around is that we went to the local topless bar down the street from the strip club. We paid $15 cover but they had 2 dollar drinks specials. So for the price of three hard drinks roughly 21 dollars we paid the same amount and got to enjoy more debauchry. BYOA but that's so pre-21.
6. Get to know the bouncer and the guys at the door.
They can give you tips on who's the friendly dancer (e.g. hooks you up with an extra song) vs. a snake with a hot body that's after your wallet. They can sometimes give you discounts at the door. A good way to do this is find the buddy that smokes and start making small guy talk. I mean these guys see nekkid chicks 5-6 days a week so having a conversation about Kobe Tie isn't going to cut it. Just talk normal guy talk sports, video games, cars, or geo-political instability.
I hope these few tips and observations from my limited outtings to Burlesque shows is helpful. Like Alley McBeal stated in an episode regarding strip clubs about the popular notion that women are being exploited and objectified. Consider that their job is to psycologically and physically "tease" the guy into believing he is going to get laid but he leaves the club w/o the hot stripper and with much less cash than he had walking in. Who's the exploited one now? I mean both parties made their choices. If a woman doesn't want to have her body objectified then don't be a stripper. If a guy doesn't want to be objectified as a walking A.T.M don't set foot inside. Perhaps you should stay home and watch porn. Unless you live in a glass house.
"Everyone probably thinks that I'm a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite, when the truth is I'd rather read a book."
--Madonna (1958-) US singer, actress in Q Magazine (London), Jun 1991.
Elaine Benitz on T.V.'s Seinfield once commented that women's bodies are a work of art while men's bodies are like Jeeps just getting them from point A to Point B. A discussion of what's good naked and bad naked ensues.
Guys are weird. I mean if a woman has a birthday she'll most likely have a nice dinner and do some shopping with her gal pals. What do guys do? They go to a strip club. What better way to celebrate another 365 days on this blue rock than go and watch hot nekkid chicks and spend cash faster than the department of defense? How can one survive with their dignity and bank statement in the black?
Here's how:
1. Eat Cheap. Guys are pigs, if they don't eat at home and they know they're going to be at a strip club they usually buy the cheapest thing they could find. For example, this past week when I stopped over at my friendly neighborhood taco hell and ate 2 regular taco's and a bean burrito. How much? $2.70 with tax. Of course this saves more for the night ahead.
2. Don't go to a strip club on Thur. Fri. Sat. this is prime time, the club is crowded and the lap dances go faster than a Hollywood marriage. The women are driven to make as much money in a short a span as possible. Exception: when there's a "headliner" e.g. famous A-list adult film entertainer if she's a guy favorite then by all means go. Instead go on a Tue. and Wed. it's less crowded and sometimes they have specials like 2 for 1 lap dances. I have bad memories of going to a stip club on a Thursday when it was "oatmeal" wrestling nite. But I digress.
3. Arrive early. You know most guys are buncha laggers. Like my best friend "Smoking Gun". I mean he'll call on his cell phone say's he's leaving and arrive 45 min. late to an event. However, tell him you have coupons for C.H. before 8 p.m. he'll be at my house in 15min. at 6:00pm. Most places if you arrive before 8:00 usually gets you 5-10 bucks off with a coupon. B.T.W this is the few times men use the word "coupon." Five extra bucks can help with tipping and save money for a lap dance.
4. Have a Budget. Most mistakes guys make is they spend their money really fast on lap dances right away. Come to the club prepared to spend only so much. Leave the ATM and Credit Cards at home. Bank and ATM fees as well as credit card finance charges add up.
5. Don't drink alcohol. If you go to a fully nude bar they usually don't serve alcohol and then you drop another 20-30 bucks in the bar next door which is silly b/c that money could have gone to tipping or a lap dance. One thing I thought was really funny this time around is that we went to the local topless bar down the street from the strip club. We paid $15 cover but they had 2 dollar drinks specials. So for the price of three hard drinks roughly 21 dollars we paid the same amount and got to enjoy more debauchry. BYOA but that's so pre-21.
6. Get to know the bouncer and the guys at the door.
They can give you tips on who's the friendly dancer (e.g. hooks you up with an extra song) vs. a snake with a hot body that's after your wallet. They can sometimes give you discounts at the door. A good way to do this is find the buddy that smokes and start making small guy talk. I mean these guys see nekkid chicks 5-6 days a week so having a conversation about Kobe Tie isn't going to cut it. Just talk normal guy talk sports, video games, cars, or geo-political instability.
I hope these few tips and observations from my limited outtings to Burlesque shows is helpful. Like Alley McBeal stated in an episode regarding strip clubs about the popular notion that women are being exploited and objectified. Consider that their job is to psycologically and physically "tease" the guy into believing he is going to get laid but he leaves the club w/o the hot stripper and with much less cash than he had walking in. Who's the exploited one now? I mean both parties made their choices. If a woman doesn't want to have her body objectified then don't be a stripper. If a guy doesn't want to be objectified as a walking A.T.M don't set foot inside. Perhaps you should stay home and watch porn. Unless you live in a glass house.
"Everyone probably thinks that I'm a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite, when the truth is I'd rather read a book."
--Madonna (1958-) US singer, actress in Q Magazine (London), Jun 1991.
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