The Weekender

Sunday, July 20, 2003

2 Months! Two months since I came home from Las Vegas to find my dad, lying on his bed. Sick. Sick from what? I don't know, or at least I didn't know at the time. I myself had fallen ill from my trip to Vegas. Havin too much fun. Stayin up late, no sleep or should I say lack of sleep. So here were the two of us, walking around aimlessly around the house, barely speaking to one another except for the usual, "hi dad, how are you feeling today?" and his response would be "the same...it's not pain though."

Finally my dad's appointment to see his doctor came around and I decided to accompany him. Just to make sure everything was ok. I met my parents at Kaiser and his doctor states, "well Mr. Dimapilis, I believe this is due to your history of Hepatitis B. You were diagnosed back in 1981 and it has become chronic. And I think that's why your stomach is getting big, retaining water and going into your legs" Hepatitis B... I remember my dad stating something about this back in 2000, but I never thought anything about it. Dr. Marshall states that he wants my dad to do more blood tests and also do an ultrasound and a CT scan ASAP. He's given more meds and we schedule another appt. to see Dr. Marshall the following week or was it in 2 weeks..... We get home and both my parents ask what these tests are for and what the medications are for?? OH MY GOD! My parents weren't understanding a word that the doctor was saying. Thank god I went w/ them to the doctor's. I guess sometimes they understand, but other times are too shy or embarassed for the doctor to re-explain everything.

I get a phone call from my mom at work the following week to hear her crying. Dr. Marshall just called her and stated that my dad's blood tests revealed a possibility of liver cancer and that he wants to see my dad the next day. Here I am, in shock, but at the same time, knowing the inevitable is going to happen. What do I do? How do I react? I go on the internet, trying to research what kinds of tests we need to do and what the prognosis is etc....

My whole world is starting to flip inside out and around. Here I am, at home with my parents. One parent is crying constantly. The other sick, not knowing what's going on. Not understanding what his sickness entails and where it's going to lead him. Both my parents being over-cautious, not to share utensils, food, bathrooms etc.. And i'm going nutts trying to educate them that Hepatitis B is only contagious thru sex, transfer of bodily fluids, etc. How did my dad contract this disease??? Who knows??? It's very common in Southeast Asians and the doctors told us there's a high case number of it here in the Bay Area, especially Daly City area. My dad believes he contracted it thru contaminated food, when the Fairmont had some kind of food strike and was receiving food from unknown vendors. It's possible to contract it thru contaminated food but I forget if it's Hepatitis B, A or C????

O June 6 we see Dr. Marshall again. My family and my dad's sister are with us. We get the results from the ultrasound and CT scan and my dad is officially diagnosed w/ liver cancer, Stage 4. There is no stage 5 folks! What does this mean? Well, Dr. Marshall refers us to an oncologist specialist, informs my mom that my dad has 6 mos. or less and again he's on more medication. I'm losing track of what they all do. But my mom has pretty much taken the roll of my dad's medication schedule and I'm there to fully understand what's going on and what needs to be done.

My dad is going to die not in 20 years or 30 years from now...he's goin to die this year...in 6 mos. or less!!! There's so much for my dad to still do. He's waiting for his brothers and sister to come over from PI. He was going to retire from the Fairmont in 8 years. He was going to travel. He was going to walk me down the aisle. He was going to teach his grandkids how to speak Tagalog and bring them to the Fairmont and introduce them to everyone. None of this is going to happen.

My dad is finally open to telling his friends, family and neighbors of his condition. My dad's getting weaker and weaker. It's getting harder for him to go up/down the stairs, he's losing his appetite and it's becoming difficult to figure out what he's going to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There was one night I came home around midnight and my dad wanted these sugar twists!!!! What the hell!!! At the time, I was thinking..Man..my dad is TOO MUCH!! But I look back on it, and that wasn't such a hard task for me to fulfill. My dad has done a lot for me and has gone to great extents to make my brother and I happy, from getting Toto's pizza at 11pm on a weeknight after working 16 hours at the Fairmont to giving us his last dollar so we could get a toy out of a gumball machine.

My mom wanted to get a second opinion at SF General. I wasn't seeing the point of this, but I guess it doesn't hurt right?? Our appt. was at 2pm, but we did not see the doctor till 5pm!!!! I felt so bad for my dad. He was exhausted, we were sitting on these old metal folding chairs. We were like what the hell is this??? We were so used to the comfiness of Kaiser and seeing the doctor at our scheduled appt.... Was it worth the wait?? I think so. We gave the doctor copies of my dad's test, he looked it over, looked at my dad, took us outside, and said ," it's definitely liver cancer and possibly 2 mos. or less." WTF!!!!! OH HELL!!!

I'm really scared of leaving the house. I go to work and I go home. Nothing else. No gym. No hanging out w/ friends, maybe for 2 hours, but not very often. What can I do? How do I feel? Numb. Surreal. This isn't happening to us!!! It's all a dream and I'll eventually wake up right??

On July 1st at approximately 9:30pm, I hear my mom wail for me downstairs. Call 911! My dad was flat on his back on our sofa bed and was gasping for air. The fire dept comes in, puts my dad on a stretcher and drove him to Kaiser SSF. I start calling all my relatives and tell them what's happnening. I'm in the waiting room, not knowing what's happening and finally I get to see my dad. My dad's hooked up to an oxygen tank and he's shivering w/ fear in his eyes. "Mahal kita anak" ( I love you my daughter) " I love you too dad" I finally told my dad I loved him. I can't even recall the last time I told him that. I can't even explain to you the feeling I had when I heard those words.

Everything's finally becoming real. We're at Kaiser. My dad's admitted. There's nothing they can do. He'll be released on July 3rd. We're starting hospice care. Hospice care is all about making the patient "comfortable." No hospitals, no IV"s, no paramedics, no resuscitation. Pretty much to let nature takes its course till the end.

Only July 6th at approximately 10:30am, the hospice nurse is taking my dad's vitals. She states that his blood pressure is really low and his heart rate is really high. "It can happen any day now." I hold my dad's hand and it's cool, not as warm as it used to be. His catheter bag isn't as full and more of a reddish orange. The hospice nurse is instructing me on how to crush one of his meds. I go back to check on my dad and his eyes are open, but I don't see his chest moving. FRICKIN A!!! It's happened...HE'S DEAD!!!!

People have been asking me how, when, why? Well here's the answers to your questions. Of course I left out little details, but this is pretty much what's been going on in my life for the past 2 months. So how am I? I'm doing good thanks. Why? Shouldn't I be depressed or in seclusion? I don't think so. I'm not one to bury myself under a rock if you hadn't noticed. Don't get me wrong, of course I miss my dad and I am sad that he's gone and I'll have my moments when I'll start to think about him and a cloud of sadness comes over me. But I snap out of it just as quick. I'm one to be out and about w/ friends and family. My dad was the same way. I'm just happy that my dad was able to see most of his friends and family before he passed. For one month, he was w/ my mom and I in the house. The only conversations and human contact he had. The last month of his life, he was surrounded by the love of his friends and family he cared most about.

Thank you for the well wishes and for those who came to my dad's wake and funeral. My family and I really appreciated it. Thank you to those who I seeked advice, company or just to talk about what was going on w/ me or to get away from everything. I would also like to thank Awsome, for being by my side thru all this.

posted by The Weekender @ 7:47 PM

A report on the trends, the sights and weekend nights in San Francisco, now written from Oakland!

About Me

Name: Voodoo Child
Home: San Francisco, California, United States
About Me:
See my complete profile