I want to write to tell you that I've been blue lately. Not sad blue, or depressed blue, but melancholically annoyed blue. What does that mean? It means I'm fidgety, unsettled, irritated and sad at the same time. I have, by all analysis, a supposed great life. Job, car, rent control, work satisfaction, friends and even a blog. And to top it off, prospects even. Job prospects that is. And as I recently told someone, I have essentially accomplised all that I dreamed of as a kid, But now what? I don't know. Get a 4th degree maybe? Go to Law School? I feel like I'm stuck on Everest, with no sense really of achievement and no idea of what will propel me ahead or forward or back down. It's a sweet spot, but I hate sitting still.

And then there's the matter of a boy who keeps coming in and out of my life. A secret addiction I keep to myself. I'm not on crack, but believe me, I feel every high and low of it. I keep hoping that someone else would take his place. You know, sorta like those nicotine patches to help me tide over these needs. That however, is a been there done that story. Rebounds, as we all know, don't work. All this apathy towards other boys... not helping when I go out on dates... that is if I can even find a date.

I think I'd like to be rich now. Like millionaire rich now. Money doesn't buy happiness. But I think it'll give me something to do at least in stead of just moping around.