Sunday, April 21, 2002

In Defense of Women

This was inevitable.

Most women out there aren't golddiggers/bitches/hoes/insecure/ad nauseum I am sick of people, men AND women, constantly harping on the frailties of woman. Granted, there are a few out there that make the rest of us look like wenches, and we suffer the brunt of the of the flack. We are left to fight against the image protrayed by said women, and combine that with the daily barrage of visual images and social stereotypes meant to confine and narrow our potential, to find that there are women out there who buy into it and set us up for even more challenges, it really does a number on our psyche, our emotions, and our self-worth. There are good women out there, and god help them stay that way.

Not all women want the husband, car, kids, big house. Some of us are damn happy where we are, single, chillin', and doing whatever we damn please. Some of us want the pre-packaged middle class existence too. If we choose to be single, we are not dykes, lesbians, or frigid, as one of my students so succinctly said. It also doesn't mean that all we want to do is have sex with anyone that crosses our path.

Quit trying to fix us, really The challenge of a lot of relationships is a woman's want and need to talk about things. Sometimes incessantly. Problem is, most men think that this is an open plea for help. As important as it is for you to feel needed, we don't need to be fixed. Externalized processing is one of the ways in which women deal with conflicts, and nine times out of ten, we have conflicts that just need to be talked out, not fixed by someone else, just talked out by us. It's hard to do, but all I ask is that you listen. We appreciate that much more than you telling us to get over it and do something about it already. WE ARE.

Women aren't babysitters/moms/food sources This is a strange thing because I know women can mother too much, in other words, take too much initiative and develop those wonderful co-dependent relationships. Sure, we'll help out, but these kinds of things are best shared. Pick up after yourselves, for god's sake. We're not maids.

All it takes is one manTo fuck it up for the rest of the men in the world. If somewhere in her past a man did her wrong, guess what, she's going to carry that with her for a while. As ready as she seems to be with you, etc...She's always looking out for the tell-tale signs of a relationship bent for hell. It's not fair, I know this, but be sensitive to that fact, and things will work out okay. Women tend to want to submerge themselves slowly rather than jump in. Consider the Toe in the Water Test, if you will. Trust me, if you haven't learned from listening what's she's the most afraid of, cancel those subsequent dates.

What's good for the goose Women do love to be spoiled, face it. Why? It's because we receive so little feedback from men in a relationship, that when we receive material things, it's a way of validating that we've made the right choice, or see that it's your way of communicating "you have chosen wisely". BUT for the Love of Pete, don't think that every woman will want the same thing at the same point as previous relationships. If there's one thing a woman will hate it's to find out that she's not that unique little flower. I've seen ex's and currents run into each other with the same piece of jewelry. Now that's cute. Each of us is different, and that means you'll have to do a little work to find out the peculiarities, but it'll be worth it, trust me. Oh yah,and while you're at it, provide the feedback...talk to her for a change. Which leads me to...

Say hello That's all, make conversation. Step up. And if a woman slams you, it's probably not even worth it in the first place. But take initiative and a simple hello will do.

Finally...what do women want?I couldn't even begin to tell you. But if Dick in the Glass can narrow it down to one thing such as sandwiches, this is one thing I want: to lay in bed on Sunday mornings with someone and read the paper. To lay in bed at night reading a book. To sit on the steps at night chillin with some wine. Simplicity speaks volumes,and there's no need for grandiosities, although they can be nice. It's the sharing of a bond with the Fuzzy Monkey that makes it worthwhile. Period.

Of course the caveat is, as with the "In Defense of Men" piece, that women and men are individuals. You won't necessarily agree with what I've written, and you just might think I'm freakin' GOD for writing this ("I heard that." "Oops, sorry, you know what I mean."). And that's okay. I think the bottom line is that we know so little about the opposite sex, and our very own partners, that we go on making the same mistakes over and over without growing or changing for the better. In retrospect we are stronger for our failures, but we are weaker if we don't learn from it.

You know where the comments are.

Voodoo

posted by Voodoo Child @ 6:44:00 PM