Sunday, April 21, 2002

In Defense of Men

Maybe you notice, maybe you don't, but lately, the whole men vs. women thing has gone to the heads of folks these days, myself included. The reasoning behind a lot of the drama stems from a certain je ne sais quoi, maybe angst, maybe affection, maybe because everyone's bitching about it and maybe because there's nothing else to talk about. I was thinking last nite about the whole debate, and from whence it came, and I thought to myself, to be fair, that it was important for me to give equal time to the things that guys do right, rather than harp forever on the things that guys do wrong. Because, face it, people who bitch constantly are a pain in the ass to be around, honey.

Most men out there aren't assholes Surprise surprise, guess what, there are some good men out there. There are men out there who don't cheat, play around, waste your time and harangue you for sex. There are also men out there who listen, talk, and know the difference between love and lust. Granted, they're few and far between, and not all of them are gay. These traits are not limited to below average looking men, as I've heard, but to men of all shapes and sizes. Superficiality is a big thing to women, and once you can get past someone's looks, you may be pleasantly surprised about the quality of character.

Guys would appreciate a night off every now and then I grew up with guys, therefore I've learned a thing or two about how they operate (sounds like a Discovery Channel show). One of the worst things that a homegirl can do is clamp down on a brotha and demand all of his time and energy. "I need to be around him all the time." "If I don't see him, then I can't trust him." Now you wonder why your menfolks are trippin' over spendin' time with you, why they run out of ideas, why they don't take initiative anymore. Give a brotha some space, let him have boy's night out, etc. You know you need a girl's night out every now and then, guess what they do too. Trust him to have a good time. Like I always say, you can get your appetite anywhere you want, but eat at home.

Men aren't filler. I've learned that guys need to feel needed. They dig feeling important because they're contributing something to you: they helped you out with your car, they reached up on the top shelf for ya, or they broke you off five times (it happens, trust me). But don't be expectin' brotha to fill in all the time. Sometimes you have to do thangs on your own (like the aforementioned night off, etc). You were able to do certain things before he got there, so cut him some slack already. Get on the chair, and get it yourself. And while you're at it, quit using that whiny voice to get your stuff done. It's like nails on the chalkboard.

Communicate Why is it that girls don't tell boys what's on their mind? Why is it that men get frustrated about being in relationships with someone who doesn't communicate? Similarly, why is it that women get upset when a guy won't talk? Why is it that women talk constantly about something and when the guy tries to help out, she gets mad? Well...let's see, it's because we communicate differently. The problem is when we expect the Other to comprehend what we're talking about without clarifying what we're talking about in the first place. Hey honey, when I'm curled up and look sad, it's because I'm feeling out of it, and just need you to just sit there with me for a bit and listen to me bitch, but don't try and fix me, I just need bitching space. Hey, wow, we just avoided a big fight over "well, why don't you--" and "quit bitchin' about it and do something--" Yah, you know what I'm talking about. For hevvins' sake, go out there and talk to each other. You're adults.

Maxim/FHM/Stuff/Playboy/Hustler is not a threat to your relationship Unless of course, he's spending more time with it than you. You read Cosmo, so let him have his mags already.

There is one thing that you can change in your man His socks. Like I said in The Big Aiyah, don't look at men for their potential. What you see is what you get. Women tend to romanticize men to the extent that they are figments of the imagination. We think, oh maybe I can tweak him here and there, but guess what that's a pipe dream at best. If he wants to change, he will, but the worst thing you can do is force it on him. He'll just hate you for it.

Your good looks will only get you so far But after that, if you have no substance to you, then it's just a waste of time. This goes for men too. If you wish to be a serious contender, your looks are going to be important. Not that you need to look a certain way, but the way you carry yourself affects others and really says something about you. It shows: your confidence, your self-esteem, your inner self shows. But that merely opens the door. Once you're in, you need to be able to carry it. You'll need a level of depth that is real and honest. Anything else is transparent and honestly, it will get you shown the door.

I think that's enough for now, and while I have skewed this in the defense of men, it's equally important that the flip side, women, be considered.This is a two way street we're talking about here. I'm just doing my part to make sure that it's out there and said. If you agree or even disagree, you know where the comments are.

Peas love and be good to each other,
Voodoo

This blog is lovingly dedicated to: The Louisville Slugger (soon to come to BRL), The Boy Wonder, and Quiet Storm (also soon to come to BRL), and the other men in my life. XO

posted by Voodoo Child @ 1:24:00 AM