Sunday, March 24, 2002

Wow, Does that Mean You Like Me?

Last night's foray into the Dance World that is known as San Francisco took me to my favorite dance club, Club Universe. Let's be clear about one thing: It's a gay club, full of shirtless guys. I love house music to dance to, and that's why I go. The eye candy is a plus. I go there also because I don't have to worry about shitty guys grabbing me (Sound Factory) or swashbuckler's ball (what used to be DV8). It's a pressure-free environment that I go to to have a good time.

Last night was a good time. Until--

Moon Cake told me that I have this ability to always meet at least one guy from Universe. I attract 'em like flies to poopy. Last night was apparently my night. I met quite a few men who were actually interested in me. Cute too! I bumped into one, then he came up to me and said, "Ooh, well! It's all good because I'm bisexual." We smiled at each other, he blew me a kiss (it's a gay guy thing). He went to dance with his friends only a few feet away. Then I looked up to see he was still looking at me. Then he came over to me and said, "Wow girl you are so groovy." I know it sounds like he just dropped out of the sky from a magic carpet from the 60's, but I'll take compliments where I can get them. He turned to walk back, then I grabbed him and said, "How are you going to walk away from me and not dance with me?" I'm good like that. So we do intros (Garrett, 36, Asian, native San Franciscan, lives in Noe Valley). Then we dance real good, and I have to leave because Moon Cake looked like she was going to fall on the ground. We eye each other throughout the night. I am enjoying myself.

I walk through the club a few times and make crazy eye contact, get a few "Hi Cutie"s out of the guys and maybe even bump and grind with more. Moon Cake, myself and her friend head over to the other side of the club (it's IMMENSE), and we dance in the middle because Friend says she was going deaf in one ear. Might as well go deaf in the other, right? I move into the middle, start dancing by myself. Next thing you know, a guy grabs my hips. I turn around to see who it is, and it's probably the WORST thing that could go down. It was a short, hairy guy with his shirt off. Note: Most men at Universe have their shirts off. God has given us some fine specimens of manhood, and I was now dancing with one of the practice batches before He got to perfection. He pulls me closer, I make sure to keep my distance. But behind him, pulling me closer is a HOT Filipino guy, so I humor the Hairy Beast and try to maneuver my way around to Hot Pinoy Boy. Next thing you know, I'm talking to HPB with HB in the middle. I'm basically ignoring the walking soggy rug even tho he's trying to get friendly with me. We're all sweaty and it's an interesting feeling, but add hair to the mix and it feels like a wet rug. Not good.

Hairy Dude is busy trying to get Hot Pinoy Boy to put his hands down his pants. No really, this is happening. I'm not making any of this up. This is not Two Truths and a Lie. I turn around, and Hairy Dude tries to stick his hands down my pants. No really, like he was digging for change. There's no subtlety about this AT ALL. I pull his hand out and just told him HELL no. He apologizes. All good, I should have left right then and there, but then HPB comes in front of me, and wowee, it's Voodoo Sammich time. Life perks up. He tells me a little about himself in accented English. He starts talking Tagalog to me, and I have a sense that he's starting to talk about Hairy Man. Hairy Man is getting up close and personal with Voodoo's ass, and I feel something on me, and I assume it's his hands. This has happened before, and I don't mind it, but I turn around to check.Then I hear this:

"He has his dick out!"

Thanks for the warning. I look down, and sure enough it's his dick. (Flaccid, geez, I can't even get this nasty hairy dude hard. What's wrong with me? I feel so undesired. Joke, it's a joke.)

It's dark in the club, I can barely see details, but I know what I saw. I start laughing because 1) I can't believe this guy took out his pecker, 2) he thinks that's like "cool", and 3) I'm assuming he wants me to yank it or something. I turn around and kiss HPB goodbye (not THAT kinda kiss) and say it was fun. I turn around and said later to Hairy Man and laughed at him again. Not laugh, but that laugh that gives you shrinkage. Guys know what I'm talking about.

I was so grossed out by the whole experience, and very disappointed because it went against the whole reason I go to Universe: to escape that kind of penis wagging (excuse the pun) that happens in straight clubs. AT least straight clubs you'll feel a boner, but not the actual flesh on flesh action. Seven years of Universe and not one single bad night. It makes me a little sad to be honest. Nice to know I got skills to hook up, but not that way, and certainly not with him.

Ready to hang up my Universe VIP card,
Voodoo

posted by Voodoo Child @ 11:41:00 AM