Commitment. The word alone sends shivers of freakin' fear down some people's spine. I should know. As of late, the Boy Wonder, Mami Chula and the Palma Sutra have been talking about it, not because we totally want it such that it fulfils a primary need (breathing, sleeping, comfort, commitment?), but because relationships at this point in our lives tend to circle around the words commitment and marriage. Now, before I get into it, and you know what I'm all about when I get into it, let's make one thing clear: commitment and marriage are not synonymous. They are two totally separate things that most people think go hand in hand like Jack and Jill, or Jill and Jill, Jack and Jack, wherever you're from...But that being made, let's move on, shall we?
Commitment (stop shivering, goddammit) is separate from marriage may be somewhat radical, but I know couples who are committed yet not married, and couples who are married yet have zero commitment to each other. Simple enough, there are couples who are married and committed. I suppose to be fair, a definition of commitment would be helpful.
The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons.
Got it? So nowhere in that definition does it state: married, shackled, tied, pinned down, dick in a glass on the bedside table, coochie sealed shut, balls in pocket, etc. I don't have to get funkier than this, but that's not what commitment means. Those kinds of meanings are utilized by folks who have a massive fear of the C word, and rationalize their actions by those definitions. You all know, Babies, how I feel about uninformed people and their fears running their lives, so what do I make of this? I shan't say a word. Commitment, I guess, comes naturally for some: staying faithful in thought and deed. But for some, tis tough work to keep their stuff in their pants. The utterance of the word alone brings fear to some, not that they're bad people, they just can't hang.
Marriage on the other hand is a legally binding commitment. So BOUND emotionally, intellectually and financially, etc. Some couples feel that marriage is merely a formality and nothing more. But public declarations of love do not necessarily create a situation in which commitment is guaranteed. Such motions are made in the most privates of privacies betwixt two people. I know some people who have doubted marriage at the point of walking down the isle. Freaky scene, I tell you, I even offered to get in my car and wait for him just in case he wanted to walk (run, jog, etc) out of there. He didn't, but that's besides the point. Back to making commitments to each other...these things are not always explicitly stated, although that would be ideal, and honestly, I'd appreciate it, but that doesn't necessarily have to happen. Commitment means that you are a part of something because you believe in it, not because you are have no other options, or are waiting until the next best thing.
Commitment is a matter of joy, not fear. Something you enter into without singular doubt or worry.
Where is all of this coming from? Maybe I got some baggage. Who doesn't? Commitment is a subject that gets greeted by some fear, but even in those who are the first to run, it is that which is most desired, hiding deepest save in the loneliest of nights when purpose is most clear and understanding unclouded. Thus it is revealed.
So I reveal this. I know I got baggage. I'm just lookin for someone whose baggage matches mine.
Peas.
V.D.
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